I'm so mad at myself

[zippyelf]

I'm an idiot.

So.... at about Thanksgiving, DB had an incident with a girl he worked with. He kissed her. I was really upset, we tried to work through it. We ended up breaking up for about a week, then got back together. Everything has been awesome since, except for the random times when the bitterness come back up to bite me in the ass.

I've pretty much been over it for a while now. Literally the day after he left, she sent me a message on facebook telling me that they were dating and sleeping together and have been for months. Within these messages, she told me quite a few blatant lies. I know she was lying to me just to get to me.

It's been really hard to get back to trusting him. He is the first guy I have ever let myself trust and he cheated. I've been trying really hard to let the past be the past. WELL, recently, I had someone bring up something about it. Combined with all the ladies here who have been getting cheated on recently and the fact that I hadn't spoken to him in 4 weeks, I kind of had an emotional breakdown last night while I was writing him his daily letter. I told him that I had no intention of him breakign up with him, but that I needed him to fess up if there was anything that happened that I needed to know about that I didnt already know about.

Well, I put the letter in the mailbox last night and woke up this morning intending to get it and not send it to him. BUT, the mailman had already come. So, I got a phone call tonight from him (he's in basic) and I told him that I had sent a letter that I didn't want him to read. Just to warn him. I've been being really cheerful in my letters. Basic is hard enough without me upseting him too. He ended up getting me to tell him what I wrote and he got really upset. To top it all off, he had to get off the phone soon after... so I didnt get him to tell me what part of the situation he was actually upset about.

I dont know if he was upset because he was hiding something, if it was because i brought it up, if he was mad that people were talking to me while he was gone... I dont know. I feel so terrible right now. I cried for an hour after I got off the phone with him and I'm about to cry typing this right now. I feel so stupid and foolish for ever bringing it up. I feel so bad for upsetting him.

This is the man I am going to marry. We are planning on getting engaged soon. I love him so much and I cannot imagine life without him.

I dont know what to do. He told me that he is guaranteed to get to call either tomorrow night or Sundya night for Mother's Day... I don't know what I'm going to say to him.... I'm so stupid.

[GatesGirl]

first of all,

second of all, take this as a lesson learned to not even put an angry letter in the mailbox. we all make mistakes and sometimes say things to them that we want to take back. next time just write it and rip it up. i can tell that you know that you made a mistake and you are aware of the stress. i really hope everything works out.

[belovedreamery]

*hugs* It's ok, don't worry about it, you two will work it out.

[NavyBrat88]

zippy don't feel stupid.

You have every right to know what is going on, especially if this is the man you are going to marry. Him being upset may not even be about the situation. Basic is extremely stressful I've been told.

Also don't let this girl get a rise out of you, period.
Things will work out.

[GatesGirl]

and dont feel bad about getting mad over the situation with his ex. you have every right to know what's going on.