I know im not the only one here...

[Kelly Michelle]

But I just have the urge to put out a big "SCREW YALL" blog out to all of my & DB's friends.

It's not that I can't handle the LDR, It's just, when I get on the back burner because he's about to have a meltdown & practically cry every time he comes home because he cant please everyone on his 96, I get a little angry.
If I want alone time with him, I have to go to crappy Jville, pay for gas/airfare, stay there for a few days in hell (anyone who's been to NC will vouch for that one!), pay for food, things to do & be bored out of my skull while I share him with all the horny guys around & the jealous barracks buddies that can't take it when he has a girl around bc he won't sit around & play HALO with them....
I'm bitter about it, but I accept it. I'm okay with that.
BUT, I have our house here, they come down in groups so the trip here & back costs them like $30, and there's plenty to do in Tampa AND I have a fully stocked refrigerator.

Maybe it's the money thing that pisses me off so much. Either, he comes home & gets angry & pissed & sad & spends $50 TOPS, AND I get zero time with him myself... or I go see him, spending $400 MINIMUM to be in hell, where hes just constantly depressed that he made me go there, & hates the place himself & just wants to shoot things.

I just hate how everyone plays a guilt trip on him & makes seeing each other hell no matter what we do.

If he comes home & doesn't spend time with me, DUH! I'M MAD!
If he doesn't spend time with his parents, they're mad.
If he doesn't spend time with Scotty (the bffer lol), HE'S mad.
If he doesn't go to the party so&so is having, EVERYONE AT THE PARTY IS MAD!

If he doesn't come home at all, EVERYONE is mad.

It's a d*mned if you do/d*mned if you don't situation & it's starting to piss me off.




Anyone have any ways to maybe talk to our friends, a way to deal with it other than the usual 'Get Over It!' thing??

The more I try to just get over it, the more angry I get, bc DB thinks I'm NOT being too selfish, thinks I SHOULD be MORE selfish, & thinks I'm handling this stuff very well, but there's a point at which ANYTHING would break, & I think I'm about there.

[ArmyGirlfriend08]

It sounds like you and your DB are both at wits end with everyone!! I can totally understand that, I am not real happy with DB's parents right now, they cut his time here with me short for R & R because they wanted him out there with them. It's ok, I get it, I just don't have to like it As for telling everyone, just tell them that when he comes home (or you go to J'ville) that you want x amount of time alone with him a day. This is a good compromise, and they can still have their guy time with him. As for his parents, do the same thing, just tell them that you and he have plans for x amount of the day, and they can see him before or after.

The thing is, and this is the part that really sucks, he won't be able to please everyone and make everyone happy. He's only one person with so much time to come home. Another idea might be, if he sees so and so this trip home, he will see the others the next time he comes home.

I hope this helped a little! I have to say your DB is right, you are handling this very well, and you should be proud of yourself for that.

[savannaleigh]

Can he just come down secretly and not tell anyone? When DB comes to see me he only tells his friends when he knows he'll be able to hang out with them. This way they aren't bugging him the entire time we're trying to be together. If you run into them in town, you could just tell them that you're having a relationship weekend because you never get to see each other.

As for his parents, maybe you could plan to do dinner with them one night and block that off? To me, it sounds like maybe it might be better if he has solid plans for the whole weekend. I think people would understand more if he said, "Well me and my gf have plans for the weekend, next time I'll let you know when I'm coming and we can plan to hang out." This way, they can't really argue, and if they do he can reply "Well, I promised her, I can't just break that off... that's ****ed up."

I hope your situation gets better soon. I know how hard it is to do long distance. You guys should definitely try to talk things out and have a plan of attack for when he comes to visit you (since that is what makes financial sense).

Good luck!

[my.hero's.mrs]

Sounds like your friends need to grow up, honestly. I just ignore mine when they say stupid things like "you should just enjoy your time with us here... you have the rest of your life with him" and

Bite me. You know? We do enjoy our time with our friends so cut us some slack when we get to spend *gasp* a full 72 hours with the one we love. Seriously, I hit the ignore button and they've all just left me alone in that aspect. I'm never bitter or angry with them and they're still just as great of friends as they would be without the LDR factor affecting me.

I get that his family is upset. They get over it too though. As long as he apologizes to his family and says he really just wants some alone time to "reconnect" or "keep the spark" (or whatever other cute phrase he can come up with) with you, they need to understand that. This lifestyle is hard on everyone involved and not just us as their SO. But at some point, its the service member's choice as to whom he'll see or not see, you know?

As for the money and not being somewhere you like, I'd make the best of it. Find something you do like about it and concentrate really hard on it. I'll tell you what. I hate FL. I just don't like it there. But... DH's brother is there. I figured out that FL has some awesome natural parks. So... DH gets to see his brother, they take me to a natural park, they're sure to pump me with coffee each morning and maybe end a fun day at an Irish pub and we're good! Voila... I like FL now. You see my point though? You have to find the good in these sorts of situations or else they're just going to fill you both with resent.

If the friends are the stress point, separate yourselves from them... distance yourselves. If its the place he's stationed at, start counting down when he leaves, or find places to go and make it a point to plan an outing or two ahead of time.

I hope I helped some. More

[Kelly Michelle]

Ah, You ladies are God sent! You've made a lot of good suggestions that helped me get a better grasp! THANK YOU!

The only issue is, we MAKE plans and schedules, but people always interrupt them.
We had a secret weekend, this past weekend, where I was so sick of the BS that I bought him a plane ticket to come see me for the weekend, & the rule was: It's MY Weekend! He got in Friday night & left Sunday night!
But neither one of us are good at keeping secrets/surprises & it;s such a small town, that we slip to ONE person, and by Saturday night, our phones are ringing off the hook. He cant ignore his parents/siblings who know now & they're the biggest loud mouths when it comes to his trips home.
We were actually sitting on the couch watching one of our 3 movies we got or or movie night & his (17yr old most annoying person in the world) little brother called, already knowing where he was, somehow, & invited himself over. It took 10 minutes of DB literally yelling at him to FINALLY get it through his head that he WASN'T coming over. People are so effing persistent.

I KNOW it has something to do with him as far as scheduling & plans changing & what not, but our friends add the pressure that makes him do al the stuff. Now that yall have helped me with the friends, how can I get it through to DB that he needs to do something too? I've talked about it EVERY time he comes home, now he thinks I'm just yelling at him every time he comes, and I don't want him to think I'm trying to start a fight whenever he gets here bc im not- i just want him to tell me were going to bahama breeze (for instance), have me make the reservation (like usual), but ACTUALLY GO!

[sweetgagirl]

I had to learn the hard way that you can't please everyone. Whatever you do, someone will be left out. My suggestion is that you set aside a day to have a cookout or something and invite everyone who might want to see him. Then the rest of the time is yours. If they can't respect yours and his wishes, then that's something that they have to deal with. Don't change your plans just because someone gets their feelings hurt. My PM box is open if you ever want to talk.

[monkeyinabarrel]

i am sorry hun. the situation sounds like it sucks. but i think he has to be the one that says NO to them. if it comes from you it will just make you look selfish, if it comes from him then he is making the choice.

i hope he realizes what he needs to do.

[katiedelta3]

Either keep it a secret and spend the entire weekend inside the house, you could get a hotel room when you go visit him instead of staying there where his friends will bug you. You could take a vacation just the two of you, meet somewhere in the middle and stay somewhere for the weekend.

You will figure something out.

[Marinesbabygirl9]

Originally Posted by Kelly Michelle But I just have the urge to put out a big "SCREW YALL" blog out to all of my & DB's friends. It's not that I can't handle the LDR, It's just, when I get on the back burner because he's about to have a meltdown & practically cry every time he comes home because he cant please everyone on his 96, I get a little angry. If I want alone time with him, I have to go to crappy Jville, pay for gas/airfare, stay there for a few days in hell (anyone who's been to NC will vouch for that one!), pay for food, things to do & be bored out of my skull while I share him with all the horny guys around & the jealous barracks buddies that can't take it when he has a girl around bc he won't sit around & play HALO with them.... I'm bitter about it, but I accept it. I'm okay with that. BUT, I have our house here, they come down in groups so the trip here & back costs them like $30, and there's plenty to do in Tampa AND I have a fully stocked refrigerator. Maybe it's the money thing that pisses me off so much. Either, he comes home & gets angry & pissed & sad & spends $50 TOPS, AND I get zero time with him myself... or I go see him, spending $400 MINIMUM to be in hell, where hes just constantly depressed that he made me go there, & hates the place himself & just wants to shoot things. I just hate how everyone plays a guilt trip on him & makes seeing each other hell no matter what we do. If he comes home & doesn't spend time with me, DUH! I'M MAD! If he doesn't spend time with his parents, they're mad. If he doesn't spend time with Scotty (the bffer lol), HE'S mad. If he doesn't go to the party so&so is having, EVERYONE AT THE PARTY IS MAD! If he doesn't come home at all, EVERYONE is mad. It's a d*mned if you do/d*mned if you don't situation & it's starting to piss me off. Anyone have any ways to maybe talk to our friends, a way to deal with it other than the usual 'Get Over It!' thing?? The more I try to just get over it, the more angry I get, bc DB thinks I'm NOT being too selfish, thinks I SHOULD be MORE selfish, & thinks I'm handling this stuff very well, but there's a point at which ANYTHING would break, & I think I'm about there.

totally off topic but your siggie is ADORBALE!