fears - Long Distance Love

aloneinparadise · 05-03-2009, 09:52 PM

ook so i know i have my own fears/concerns about being apart for so long and him being in the army (DANGER). i just wanted to know what some of you ladies are afraid of. i know they say your not alone on this kinda things. But to keep things positive i want to know how you talk yourself down from letting these fears get to you.
here are my fears/concerns

A) breaking up due to just the distance and the time apart
normally i just think "ok well we are a stong couple and as long as we communicate we will be ok."

B) i am afraid that he may in the course of his travels find someone else who he wants to be with.
i still have yet to find a way to feel better about this one lol

C) what if when he gets out in 3 years, we both have changed and cant stand the people each other have become
very vague but i can make myself feel better by just thinking that it is still quite some time before that happens and we will jump that hurdle when we get there

those are my 3 major fears. i hope i didnt make anyone say "oh god i didnt even think about that" haha i just wanted to know your input. i think its better to get it out there. and considering no one i personally know is in a military relationship i cant really talk to anyone else lol.

RainierLT87 · 05-03-2009, 10:06 PM

A) breaking up due to just the distance and the time apart
normally i just think "ok well we are a stong couple and as long as we communicate we will be ok."

Communcation is key, and making time to be together every so often if you can helps. Distance is the test of love, its going to be hard, but I know the ups make the downs bearable.

B) i am afraid that he may in the course of his travels find someone else who he wants to be with.
i still have yet to find a way to feel better about this one lol

If you both truly love each other you shouldn't worry about this. Distance relationships require lots of trust, if you don't have this at the beginning it will be hard to build. You have to have faith in him and yourself.

C) what if when he gets out in 3 years, we both have changed and cant stand the people each other have become
very vague but i can make myself feel better by just thinking that it is still quite some time before that happens and we will jump that hurdle when we get there

I struggle with this at times. Being that I will be graduating and getting started on my career, and DB will be returning and deciding on if he will stay in the Army or branch off to a new career. We both will change. If it falls apart it wasn't ment to be, but if we work hard and make it work then we will continue to be together...life will always be changing you have to both be able to adapt and change yet still keep your relationship...its something that shows you if your relationship is strong, and built on what it needs to succeed through life.

Here is a quote my mom had in our house, its kind of unique and intersting:

"If you love something, let it go, if it returns, its yours, if it doesn't it never was.

Hope this helps, these are some of my reasoning on your fears and how I settle my fears....my PM box is always open

GatesGirl · 05-03-2009, 10:32 PM

i dont fear anything. i know our relationship is strong and it's silly to let those thoughts get me down. i just stress if i dont hear from him cause it's always hard to think you get to talk to them and then you wait all night and the phone never rings. that's the military schedule for you. i try to stay positive cause that's the best way to get through each day.

aloneinparadise · 05-03-2009, 10:36 PM

i absolutely agree, but there are "those days" that get you. i was just curious.

Asomers · 05-03-2009, 10:37 PM

I am actually afraid for when he gets back, I have worked so hard to fill all my extra time with things to do since he has been gone, and I will have to cut back on stuff, and take less classes when he gets back so we will have time together.

I am afraid for his safety. When he walked out the door to leave, I was so afraid that was going to be the last time I saw him.

and that is it I think for me. I know we are strong enough as a couple .. so that is good

txgirl06 · 05-03-2009, 10:44 PM

I totally understand how you feel. Every fear you listed I have thought about too. The best way I get over these fears is by talking to DB about them. He is very understanding when I tell him the things I am scared of, and he is just so confident in our relationship that he reminds me I should be too. Also, sometimes I just have to remind myself to listen to my heart, and that things really don't have to be as complicated as I make them. I love him, he loves me, we will communicate and trust each other, and everything will work out. But I still have days where I think a lot about these fears, and it really is just a learning process that takes time to be able the handle them. I think its totally normal for anyone in a long distance relationship to have them, and to learn to deal with them.

aloneinparadise · 05-03-2009, 10:57 PM

Originally Posted by txgirl06

I totally understand how you feel. Every fear you listed I have thought about too. The best way I get over these fears is by talking to DB about them. He is very understanding when I tell him the things I am scared of, and he is just so confident in our relationship that he reminds me I should be too. Also, sometimes I just have to remind myself to listen to my heart, and that things really don't have to be as complicated as I make them. I love him, he loves me, we will communicate and trust each other, and everything will work out. But I still have days where I think a lot about these fears, and it really is just a learning process that takes time to be able the handle them. I think its totally normal for anyone in a long distance relationship to have them, and to learn to deal with them.

that is exactly my point lol i know we really are a strong combo but sometimes i think to much. i absolutely trust him that has never been an issue and our communication is amazingly open. its just those days get to you. lol thank you

queentreev1004 · 05-03-2009, 11:36 PM

Originally Posted by txgirl06

I totally understand how you feel. Every fear you listed I have thought about too. The best way I get over these fears is by talking to DB about them. He is very understanding when I tell him the things I am scared of, and he is just so confident in our relationship that he reminds me I should be too. Also, sometimes I just have to remind myself to listen to my heart, and that things really don't have to be as complicated as I make them. I love him, he loves me, we will communicate and trust each other, and everything will work out. But I still have days where I think a lot about these fears, and it really is just a learning process that takes time to be able the handle them. I think its totally normal for anyone in a long distance relationship to have them, and to learn to deal with them.

That's just it. When we have those days like txgirl said it's a learning process, to know how to just get over those fears. I'm still learning.

GeronimoPrincess · 05-04-2009, 12:07 AM

I dont have many fears. The biggest fear I have is b/c of our youngest dd. She isnt going to know him.

claravoyant1126 · 05-04-2009, 02:52 AM

i am right there with ya girl. we were only together for four months before he deployed and believe me, those fears were huge and haunted me everyday. i thought i'd never see him again. i feared that we had not been together long enough to build a strong enough foundation to last through a six month deployment. i was scared that we both didn't have enough time to prove each other that the other was worth the wait, pain and tears. i have trust issues to begin with, so that didn't help with anything. i would often think myself into a hole and i couldn't reassure myself that things would be ok. near the end of the deployment i was drained and was a mess. i regret letting these thoughts and fears get to me so much. in the end, i wish i had found a solution or at least some way to help myself. so for deployment #2 i am sticking with this site. i also don't know anyone else who's in a military relationship so coming here and talking to these girls really help. knowing that i'm not the only one who's going through this and having these thoughts makes me feel that much better about the whole situation.

i barely crawled my way through deployment #1 yet now that he's been back for four months, i'm glad we made it (kicking and screaming and crying, i'm very glad we're still together and still going strong)

talking to him about my fears helps alot too, though i've learned not to burden him so much with them either. they have a job (infantry for my guy) they need to focus on, a dangerous one at that esp in a combat zone, and worrying about us and whether or not we're doing ok could potentially cause them to get distracted and get hurt out there. don't get me wrong, communication is very important in any relationship, but stressing them out with our fears isn't necessarily the best thing to do either. they know that we care and we worry and they appreciate with all their heart that we're still willing to wait for them and stick with them through it all, so sometimes its not that necessary to burden them with our own fears; they have them too, but b/c they're guys, they're "not allowed to show them"

sorry this has kinda ran long... just that this has really effected me since we started dating

and reading what other ladies are posting actually helps me understand myself and what i need to do in order to be stronger emotionally for the title of "Marine GF"

05-03-2009, 09:52 PM	#1 (permalink)
aloneinparadise Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Im still in Jersey, He's in Hawaii Posts: 299 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 10%	fears ook so i know i have my own fears/concerns about being apart for so long and him being in the army (DANGER). i just wanted to know what some of you ladies are afraid of. i know they say your not alone on this kinda things. But to keep things positive i want to know how you talk yourself down from letting these fears get to you. here are my fears/concerns A) breaking up due to just the distance and the time apart normally i just think "ok well we are a stong couple and as long as we communicate we will be ok." B) i am afraid that he may in the course of his travels find someone else who he wants to be with. i still have yet to find a way to feel better about this one lol C) what if when he gets out in 3 years, we both have changed and cant stand the people each other have become very vague but i can make myself feel better by just thinking that it is still quite some time before that happens and we will jump that hurdle when we get there those are my 3 major fears. i hope i didnt make anyone say "oh god i didnt even think about that" haha i just wanted to know your input. i think its better to get it out there. and considering no one i personally know is in a military relationship i cant really talk to anyone else lol. __________________ "if you are not too long, i will wait here for you all my life. - oscar wilde my wifeys thefabmrsb310 armycupcake usafwife1 zippyelf tayreebakyer

05-03-2009, 10:32 PM	#3 (permalink)
GatesGirl I'm Forever Yours, Faithfully Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: ME: Bellingham, WA, HIM: Spangdahlem AB, Germany Posts: 4,610 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 82% Longevity: 17%	i dont fear anything. i know our relationship is strong and it's silly to let those thoughts get me down. i just stress if i dont hear from him cause it's always hard to think you get to talk to them and then you wait all night and the phone never rings. that's the military schedule for you. i try to stay positive cause that's the best way to get through each day. __________________ My is in Germany Wifey to Britt Shea, Ana1221, and Airforcegirl87

05-03-2009, 10:36 PM	#4 (permalink)
aloneinparadise Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Im still in Jersey, He's in Hawaii Posts: 299 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 10%	i absolutely agree, but there are "those days" that get you. i was just curious. __________________ "if you are not too long, i will wait here for you all my life. - oscar wilde my wifeys thefabmrsb310 armycupcake usafwife1 zippyelf tayreebakyer

05-03-2009, 10:37 PM	#5 (permalink)
Asomers Come Home, Come Home, cuz I've been waiting 4 you 4 so long Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Lacey, WA Posts: 835 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 11%	I am actually afraid for when he gets back, I have worked so hard to fill all my extra time with things to do since he has been gone, and I will have to cut back on stuff, and take less classes when he gets back so we will have time together. I am afraid for his safety. When he walked out the door to leave, I was so afraid that was going to be the last time I saw him. and that is it I think for me. I know we are strong enough as a couple .. so that is good __________________ He's HOME!!!

05-03-2009, 10:44 PM	#6 (permalink)
txgirl06 Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Austin, Texas Posts: 561 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 5% Longevity: 13%	I totally understand how you feel. Every fear you listed I have thought about too. The best way I get over these fears is by talking to DB about them. He is very understanding when I tell him the things I am scared of, and he is just so confident in our relationship that he reminds me I should be too. Also, sometimes I just have to remind myself to listen to my heart, and that things really don't have to be as complicated as I make them. I love him, he loves me, we will communicate and trust each other, and everything will work out. But I still have days where I think a lot about these fears, and it really is just a learning process that takes time to be able the handle them. I think its totally normal for anyone in a long distance relationship to have them, and to learn to deal with them. __________________ "I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love, and I can't let you go."

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05-03-2009, 10:06 PM	#2 (permalink)
RainierLT87 Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Me: Cleveland, OH Posts: 160 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 2% Longevity: 10%	A) breaking up due to just the distance and the time apart normally i just think "ok well we are a stong couple and as long as we communicate we will be ok." Communcation is key, and making time to be together every so often if you can helps. Distance is the test of love, its going to be hard, but I know the ups make the downs bearable. B) i am afraid that he may in the course of his travels find someone else who he wants to be with. i still have yet to find a way to feel better about this one lol If you both truly love each other you shouldn't worry about this. Distance relationships require lots of trust, if you don't have this at the beginning it will be hard to build. You have to have faith in him and yourself. C) what if when he gets out in 3 years, we both have changed and cant stand the people each other have become very vague but i can make myself feel better by just thinking that it is still quite some time before that happens and we will jump that hurdle when we get there I struggle with this at times. Being that I will be graduating and getting started on my career, and DB will be returning and deciding on if he will stay in the Army or branch off to a new career. We both will change. If it falls apart it wasn't ment to be, but if we work hard and make it work then we will continue to be together...life will always be changing you have to both be able to adapt and change yet still keep your relationship...its something that shows you if your relationship is strong, and built on what it needs to succeed through life. Here is a quote my mom had in our house, its kind of unique and intersting: "If you love something, let it go, if it returns, its yours, if it doesn't it never was. Hope this helps, these are some of my reasoning on your fears and how I settle my fears....my PM box is always open

05-04-2009, 12:07 AM	#9 (permalink)
GeronimoPrincess <3 mommy to four <3 Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 10,078 Blog Entries: 2 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 26% Longevity: 38%	I dont have many fears. The biggest fear I have is b/c of our youngest dd. She isnt going to know him.

05-04-2009, 02:52 AM	#10 (permalink)
claravoyant1126 Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Me: La Jolla, CA. Him: Camp Pendleton, CA Posts: 35 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 9%	i am right there with ya girl. we were only together for four months before he deployed and believe me, those fears were huge and haunted me everyday. i thought i'd never see him again. i feared that we had not been together long enough to build a strong enough foundation to last through a six month deployment. i was scared that we both didn't have enough time to prove each other that the other was worth the wait, pain and tears. i have trust issues to begin with, so that didn't help with anything. i would often think myself into a hole and i couldn't reassure myself that things would be ok. near the end of the deployment i was drained and was a mess. i regret letting these thoughts and fears get to me so much. in the end, i wish i had found a solution or at least some way to help myself. so for deployment #2 i am sticking with this site. i also don't know anyone else who's in a military relationship so coming here and talking to these girls really help. knowing that i'm not the only one who's going through this and having these thoughts makes me feel that much better about the whole situation. i barely crawled my way through deployment #1 yet now that he's been back for four months, i'm glad we made it (kicking and screaming and crying, i'm very glad we're still together and still going strong) talking to him about my fears helps alot too, though i've learned not to burden him so much with them either. they have a job (infantry for my guy) they need to focus on, a dangerous one at that esp in a combat zone, and worrying about us and whether or not we're doing ok could potentially cause them to get distracted and get hurt out there. don't get me wrong, communication is very important in any relationship, but stressing them out with our fears isn't necessarily the best thing to do either. they know that we care and we worry and they appreciate with all their heart that we're still willing to wait for them and stick with them through it all, so sometimes its not that necessary to burden them with our own fears; they have them too, but b/c they're guys, they're "not allowed to show them" sorry this has kinda ran long... just that this has really effected me since we started dating and reading what other ladies are posting actually helps me understand myself and what i need to do in order to be stronger emotionally for the title of "Marine GF"