#2 - Long Distance Love

my.hero's.mrs · 05-01-2009, 02:19 AM

He brought me to tears today.

First of all, I look forward to when I get to talk to him each day. We are really good about being consistent with our communication. It's not often that we stray far from our "scheduled" times but it seems to me that DH is quick to make plans during the time that is set aside for us to talk to each other. Especially when the weekend comes.

I explained to him that this is all the time I get on a daily basis. He wanted to go cosmic bowling with his friend on Friday night. He had told me he was going to go bowling "this weekend" but failed to say anything about it being cosmic, which in turn would imply that it would take away some of that time I countdown to every day.

So when I asked him to go bowlin during the day on Saturday since that is when it will be my Friday night due to the time zones, he said I'm ridiculous because that's "not what they want to do." I got sad.

I miss him. I quit my job last year to be by his side while he was in Germany going through therapy after being sent home from Iraq early. I dropped everything. My family had to buy my car from me to help me because his health was most important to us. I mean, literally dropped everything. So now, when I'm here waiting to be able to travel to Italy and live with him, I have nothing else to do but look forward to talking to him.

I LOVE going to sleep at night because he wakes me up around 8am every morning to talk to him for a couple of hours. It's the highlight of my entire day. So when he takes that couple of hours away from me... it hurts me. I know that sounds needy but I just don't care right now. We've grown to expect that time to make the distance work for us and now I'm told I'm being ridiculous because it made me cry that I wouldn't get to talk to him tomorrow for much more than a call to say "ok babe, we're back from bowling so I'm going to sleep now." I'm sorry but I miss you too much for that 5 minute call to be enough.

Ugh. I'm whining. I know. I burst into tears on the phone because I just miss him and also.... I miss my life. I can't wait to get to Italy and have that life again. Part of me wishes I never quit working last year but I know it was for the best. For his best. It was my sacrifice for this to work.

devinesgirl<3 · 05-01-2009, 02:23 AM

goodiegurl18 · 05-01-2009, 02:23 AM

Im sorry he said you were being ridiculous. I understand how precious those calls are.

amazinggrace · 05-01-2009, 02:28 AM

I'm sorry he can't understand how important those calls are for you. I know when my Dh was in Korea I missed calls on the weekend, but he needed time to decompress and get away from work and the dorms too. It is a balancing act for both of you.

I hope the command sponorship paperwork gets done soon and you can begin your new life, together, in teh same country.

imjustme · 05-01-2009, 02:47 AM

I hope that your paperwork gets processed quickly so that you guys can be together. Maybe try to take the time you have right now to focus on doing things for you. Spending time with friends here that you'll be missing when you move, or doing things that you won't have the chance to do over there. I'm sure that you are and there's only so much of that kind of stuff you can do too though.

It's just a really hard spot to be in.

my.hero's.mrs · 05-01-2009, 02:52 AM

Originally Posted by imjustme

I hope that your paperwork gets processed quickly so that you guys can be together. Maybe try to take the time you have right now to focus on doing things for you. Spending time with friends here that you'll be missing when you move, or doing things that you won't have the chance to do over there. I'm sure that you are and there's only so much of that kind of stuff you can do too though.

It's just a really hard spot to be in.

I'm honestly not trying to make excuses here.... from 8am-noon, most of my friends are either working or in school. Besides that, I only have a handful of friends that I keep in touch with regularly. The military lifestyle that I attached myself to last year cleaned out my friends list quickly. I love having that handful of friends, but they're busy on the week days. Saturdays and Sundays? No big deal most of the time. I have my family here all of the time and my friends want to spend these next few weekends with me. Just not Friday mornings. That's *our* time and it just saddens me when he intentionally takes that away and calls me ridiculous for suggesting he move it further into his EMPTY weekend schedule.

imjustme · 05-01-2009, 02:58 AM

I can completely understand that. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you're over there before you know it!

my.hero's.mrs · 05-01-2009, 03:02 AM

Thank you so much. That means a lot to me. Supposedly, the orders are being amended as we speak. So at least that means the paperwork has moved off of the Captain's desk.... 2 weeks later.

360Sweetie · 05-01-2009, 03:16 AM

I know thats hard but he does need time with his friends too. Can you two pick a new time on the weekend to talk that really is right in the middle of time that people do hang out for him. Maybe he can call you after bowling or before bowling or any other activity he may want to do so you still get your talk time with him. My fiance and I had a pretty set schedule when he was deployed and right now while he is training in another state. We understand though when one of us is busy working or out with friends. Hopefully your CS will come through soon.

RainierLT87 · 05-01-2009, 07:14 AM

DB and I have to work the time zones all the time. Most of the time if he decides to do something with friends or fellow soldiers after work, it will require calling me at some odd hour of the night. It hasn't been easy at times, giving up that time that I look forward to all day, but he does it for me when I have something come up so I do it in return, its a sacrafice I make for him. We both have to carry on our 'lives' till we can be together. Sometimes letting each other 'live' for a few hours with the moment strikes (even over a talking time) isn't something we want to do, but sometimes we have to out of love. DB appreciates it so much he will sometimes show how much he loves, and appreaciates what I do, by saying "no" to invites to parties, etc, to sit an home and talk to me. But I let him choose, and if there is a conflict we work around it. Hope it all works out for you! At least there is an end in sight to work toward! (I still have years). *hugs*

05-01-2009, 02:19 AM	#1 (permalink)
my.hero's.mrs Not even the Army can shatter my spirit. Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Italy Posts: 12,079 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 34% Longevity: 29%	#2 He brought me to tears today. First of all, I look forward to when I get to talk to him each day. We are really good about being consistent with our communication. It's not often that we stray far from our "scheduled" times but it seems to me that DH is quick to make plans during the time that is set aside for us to talk to each other. Especially when the weekend comes. I explained to him that this is all the time I get on a daily basis. He wanted to go cosmic bowling with his friend on Friday night. He had told me he was going to go bowling "this weekend" but failed to say anything about it being cosmic, which in turn would imply that it would take away some of that time I countdown to every day. So when I asked him to go bowlin during the day on Saturday since that is when it will be my Friday night due to the time zones, he said I'm ridiculous because that's "not what they want to do." I got sad. I miss him. I quit my job last year to be by his side while he was in Germany going through therapy after being sent home from Iraq early. I dropped everything. My family had to buy my car from me to help me because his health was most important to us. I mean, literally dropped everything. So now, when I'm here waiting to be able to travel to Italy and live with him, I have nothing else to do but look forward to talking to him. I LOVE going to sleep at night because he wakes me up around 8am every morning to talk to him for a couple of hours. It's the highlight of my entire day. So when he takes that couple of hours away from me... it hurts me. I know that sounds needy but I just don't care right now. We've grown to expect that time to make the distance work for us and now I'm told I'm being ridiculous because it made me cry that I wouldn't get to talk to him tomorrow for much more than a call to say "ok babe, we're back from bowling so I'm going to sleep now." I'm sorry but I miss you too much for that 5 minute call to be enough. Ugh. I'm whining. I know. I burst into tears on the phone because I just miss him and also.... I miss my life. I can't wait to get to Italy and have that life again. Part of me wishes I never quit working last year but I know it was for the best. For his best. It was my sacrifice for this to work. __________________

05-01-2009, 02:23 AM	#2 (permalink)
devinesgirl<3 nobody's girl :] Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 2,724 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 4% Longevity: 16%	__________________

05-01-2009, 02:23 AM	#3 (permalink)
goodiegurl18 BLT= Brandon Loves Tiffany Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Joplin, MO (Home town) Posts: 2,282 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 0% Longevity: 24%	Im sorry he said you were being ridiculous. I understand how precious those calls are. __________________

05-01-2009, 03:02 AM	#8 (permalink)
my.hero's.mrs Not even the Army can shatter my spirit. Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Italy Posts: 12,079 Blog Entries: 1 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 34% Longevity: 29%	Thank you so much. That means a lot to me. Supposedly, the orders are being amended as we speak. So at least that means the paperwork has moved off of the Captain's desk.... 2 weeks later. __________________

05-01-2009, 03:16 AM	#9 (permalink)
360Sweetie ~Mrs. L~ Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Olympia, WA..Germany this fall! Posts: 2,402 Blog Entries: 6 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 27% Longevity: 41%	I know thats hard but he does need time with his friends too. Can you two pick a new time on the weekend to talk that really is right in the middle of time that people do hang out for him. Maybe he can call you after bowling or before bowling or any other activity he may want to do so you still get your talk time with him. My fiance and I had a pretty set schedule when he was deployed and right now while he is training in another state. We understand though when one of us is busy working or out with friends. Hopefully your CS will come through soon. __________________

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05-01-2009, 02:28 AM	#4 (permalink)
amazinggrace Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 10,202 Classifieds: (6) Activity: 45% Longevity: 27%	I'm sorry he can't understand how important those calls are for you. I know when my Dh was in Korea I missed calls on the weekend, but he needed time to decompress and get away from work and the dorms too. It is a balancing act for both of you. I hope the command sponorship paperwork gets done soon and you can begin your new life, together, in teh same country.

05-01-2009, 02:47 AM	#5 (permalink)
imjustme Account Closed Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 13,980 Classifieds: (8) Activity: 7% Longevity: 42%	I hope that your paperwork gets processed quickly so that you guys can be together. Maybe try to take the time you have right now to focus on doing things for you. Spending time with friends here that you'll be missing when you move, or doing things that you won't have the chance to do over there. I'm sure that you are and there's only so much of that kind of stuff you can do too though. It's just a really hard spot to be in.

05-01-2009, 02:58 AM	#7 (permalink)
imjustme Account Closed Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 13,980 Classifieds: (8) Activity: 7% Longevity: 42%	I can completely understand that. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you're over there before you know it!

05-01-2009, 07:14 AM	#10 (permalink)
RainierLT87 Junior Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Me: Cleveland, OH Posts: 160 Classifieds: (0) Activity: 2% Longevity: 10%	DB and I have to work the time zones all the time. Most of the time if he decides to do something with friends or fellow soldiers after work, it will require calling me at some odd hour of the night. It hasn't been easy at times, giving up that time that I look forward to all day, but he does it for me when I have something come up so I do it in return, its a sacrafice I make for him. We both have to carry on our 'lives' till we can be together. Sometimes letting each other 'live' for a few hours with the moment strikes (even over a talking time) isn't something we want to do, but sometimes we have to out of love. DB appreciates it so much he will sometimes show how much he loves, and appreaciates what I do, by saying "no" to invites to parties, etc, to sit an home and talk to me. But I let him choose, and if there is a conflict we work around it. Hope it all works out for you! At least there is an end in sight to work toward! (I still have years). hugs