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Thread: Getting back into dating

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    #1

    Getting back into dating

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    So it's been almost three weeks since ex DB ended things (although it feels way longer since we basically didn't talk for a week before the break up) and I've slowly been getting back out there. Ex DB and I moved way too quickly and allowed things to get very intense, so I'm being more careful now. But it's been weird. Like just really awkward I guess. I haven't gone through a true break up in years so I've forgotten what feels like. The first guy I went out with (and saw again the other day) wanted mostly physical stuff but actually has a great personality and reminds me of a friend from college. So it's somewhat frustrating but also relieving that he doesn't really want any emotional stuff. The second guy I went out with is really super super kind and hasn't been in a relationship for 5 years and is ready to be in one again. I really wanted to like him but there just wasn't a spark and we both knew that anyone I date right now is going to be a rebound, and he deserves so much better than that. (I now understand my ex's use of the phrase and I'm kicking myself for it)

    Also. I ran into ex DB last weekend at the end of a very casual, just getting to know each other date. It threw me into a really weird headspace and I actually ended up hanging out with ex DB and a friend of ours. That was a poor choice on my part and I knew it would it be but I did it anyway (me @ me: ) because we're trying to be adults and be friends. I'm not sure we're there yet but maybe eventually. Boy still has my Tupperware so I have to see him at least one more time haha

    Not sure what kind of response I'm looking for here, if any response at all, it just felt like something I needed to put out there.
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    #2
    It sounds like you're not over him, so I think it would be a bit unfair to whoever you start dating if you jump into a serious relationship. Casual dating might help you get over your ex though
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Sabrina22LE View Post
    It sounds like you're not over him, so I think it would be a bit unfair to whoever you start dating if you jump into a serious relationship. Casual dating might help you get over your ex though
    You're 100% right. Wish I was over him, but I'm not. That's why I really wanted to like that really nice guy, but I know nothing serious can happen with where I'm at emotionally. But casually dating has been helping a bit.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by subgf71573 View Post
    You're 100% right. Wish I was over him, but I'm not. That's why I really wanted to like that really nice guy, but I know nothing serious can happen with where I'm at emotionally. But casually dating has been helping a bit.
    It's good that it's helping! Just remember that there's someone out there who will always choose you no matter what and they will make all the hurt from breakups worth it.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Sabrina22LE View Post
    It's good that it's helping! Just remember that there's someone out there who will always choose you no matter what and they will make all the hurt from breakups worth it.
    Thank you so much <3 I really appreciate that and needed to hear it.
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    #6
    I think we often feel the need to stay friends, to prove we can?
    why? if it puts you in a bad place, don't do it. Being single is also okay.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Medic2Doula View Post
    I think we often feel the need to stay friends, to prove we can?
    why? if it puts you in a bad place, don't do it. Being single is also okay.
    I agree not to do it if you puts in you a bad place! It isn't childish or somehow less "adult" if you aren't friends with an ex. I mean yeah be civil if you bump into them ... but there's nothing wrong with not maintaining a friendship. Maybe you will, may not, but either way it's ok!
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    I agree not to do it if you puts in you a bad place! It isn't childish or somehow less "adult" if you aren't friends with an ex. I mean yeah be civil if you bump into them ... but there's nothing wrong with not maintaining a friendship. Maybe you will, may not, but either way it's ok!
    Agreed.

    Also, I think using other people to get over an ex is kind of shitty unless you're upfront in the beginning, like "hey i'm just looking to casually date and don't intend for anything more than maybe an occasional dinner." Plus IMO it can be harmful and establish dependency issues when you can't move on from a breakup by finding happiness in being single. Speaking from personal experience.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Carolina View Post
    Agreed.

    Also, I think using other people to get over an ex is kind of shitty unless you're upfront in the beginning, like "hey i'm just looking to casually date and don't intend for anything more than maybe an occasional dinner." Plus IMO it can be harmful and establish dependency issues when you can't move on from a breakup by finding happiness in being single. Speaking from personal experience.
    Eh, I kind of disagree. Isn't that what you do in the beginning anyway? Casually date?
    I think it's perfectly okay to feel things out before you lay down rules. If things start to progress and you're not ready, then say, "Hey, let's slow down."


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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by rayfinkle View Post
    Eh, I kind of disagree. Isn't that what you do in the beginning anyway? Casually date?
    I think it's perfectly okay to feel things out before you lay down rules. If things start to progress and you're not ready, then say, "Hey, let's slow down."
    Yeah, but if you're casually dating and already know you have no intention of taking it further because you're not ready that should be disclosed at the beginning, IMO. OP said she knew she wasn't over her ex, which is what my response was based on. If she hadn't mentioned that I'm totally in agreement with you.
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