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Thread: Moving to a base out of state

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    #1

    Moving to a base out of state

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    I currently live in Texas and my boyfriend of 2 years is currently stationed in Texas also and this is where I met him. My boyfriend and I are very much inlove, the problem is that I am currently 20 years old and a college student and he is 24 and is about to get sent to another base in Tennessee. I love him so much and i would love to go with him but I don't want to later resent him because I missed out in getting my college degree and other goals I have waiting for me in Texas. I don't want to be that person that looks back in life and thinks "if I wouldn't have married him so soon, or if I would've stayed I could've done so many things" . I really don't want to be that person. He told me that I have the option of marrying him and leaving but like I said I don't want to have regrets and I would like to finish my college career first. We plan on trying LDR but the thing is.. he most likely will not return to Texas. I don't really want to move to another state. My home is Texas. We both have different goals and they are both in different states. It not fair for either of us to beg one another to stay. We love eachother so much but we also are thinking about our future. What should we do? Should we try LDR and see if it work. Should we just end it with a final goodbye.? Im lost and I don't know what direction to take. We love eachother so much but we believe this could be the end of everything. Or will it?
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    #2
    IF this is the real deal, true love forever and ever, then it will withstand the distance. It will still be there in one year, five years, ten years. So sit tight. Get your education. Get your degree. Live on your own for a few years. BECOME who you are meant to be. Then figure out your future together.
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    #3
    First of I totally agree with you that finishing the degree is most important. A year of LDR is doable and I agree with your priorities there.

    Looking at long term though - do you think you are ever going to be willing to move out of your home state? Being the military he is going to moving around a lot of at least several years, longer if he plans to make a career out of it. If you cannot see yourself living outside of Texas that is going to make the relationship very difficult. Especially since marriage has already been discussed, I would do some soul searching and really consider what you want after you graduate etc.
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    #4
    Your education is worth long distance.

    Like has been said by others, if you aren't willing to move in the future to be with him, and he likely won't be able to come to you.... I feel like that says a lot, along with the fact that you are asking a board of strangers if you should end it. I think you already have your answer, maybe you are just needing help feeling better about it? Excuse my harshness, I know it hurts to care about someone and be in this situation.
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    #5
    You'll need to make a choice on what you want in life. If you can't leave Texas...don't marry him. Let him go and find someone that will go with him. In the military, you will leave and not come back. If he makes a career out of it, that is a lot of moves. Can you handle that? Also, he will not always be there like it was with dating.

    Get your degree and make the choice when it was done. If you love him so much you can't live without him, it doesn't matter where you are at. HE would be your family.
    "Obstinacy is a fault of temperament. Stubbornness and Intolerance of contradiction result from a special kind of Egotism, which elevates above everything else the pleasure of its own autonomous intellect, to which others must bow.: Carl von Clausewitz
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Ylizette View Post
    I currently live in Texas and my boyfriend of 2 years is currently stationed in Texas also and this is where I met him. My boyfriend and I are very much inlove, the problem is that I am currently 20 years old and a college student and he is 24 and is about to get sent to another base in Tennessee. I love him so much and i would love to go with him but I don't want to later resent him because I missed out in getting my college degree and other goals I have waiting for me in Texas. I don't want to be that person that looks back in life and thinks "if I wouldn't have married him so soon, or if I would've stayed I could've done so many things" . I really don't want to be that person. He told me that I have the option of marrying him and leaving but like I said I don't want to have regrets and I would like to finish my college career first. We plan on trying LDR but the thing is.. he most likely will not return to Texas. I don't really want to move to another state. My home is Texas. We both have different goals and they are both in different states. It not fair for either of us to beg one another to stay. We love eachother so much but we also are thinking about our future. What should we do? Should we try LDR and see if it work. Should we just end it with a final goodbye.? Im lost and I don't know what direction to take. We love eachother so much but we believe this could be the end of everything. Or will it?
    First of all, holding off on your education is a stupid decision in every case. Nobody is happy they chose to do that after the fact.

    Second, if you're not willing to ever move out of Texas it doesn't really sound like a military relationship is right for you. Chances of him being able to stay in Texas for the rest of his career are fairly slim. Sometimes love just isn't enough if the circumstances are wrong.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    First of all, holding off on your education is a stupid decision in every case. Nobody is happy they chose to do that after the fact.

    Second, if you're not willing to ever move out of Texas it doesn't really sound like a military relationship is right for you. Chances of him being able to stay in Texas for the rest of his career are fairly slim. Sometimes love just isn't enough if the circumstances are wrong.
    IMO love is always enough, but it has to be LOVE, not lust, not butterflies.
    Love is just as much sacrifice as it is joy.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Medic2Doula View Post
    IMO love is always enough, but it has to be LOVE, not lust, not butterflies.
    Love is just as much sacrifice as it is joy.
    I disagree because she's the only one having to sacrifice anything in this instance. You can love somebody plenty but if your circumstances aren't compatible, it's only going to strain the relationship and build resentment. I know he's not choosing his orders or anything but she's clearly the one at a massive disadvantage here having to pause her education and move somewhere she's never wanted to go. What sacrifice is he making? What sacrifice is he ever gonna make for her that'll be comparable to a 20 year old dropping out of college and moving across the country for him?
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    #9
    It sounds like the love is there but all the other components just aren't right. Unfortunately it takes so much more than love to make a military relationship work.

    Does he plan on going career? If so, you're potentially looking at moving every 3 years. Some bases are in the middle of nowhere with the closest college being hours away (BTDT). So trying to go back to school could be very difficult. Also, it seems that the Army has some of the longest deployments (as long as 13 months). So, moving with him doesn't guarantee you would always be together.

    My best advice is keep going to school and give long distance a try. After you graduate, and you're comfortable leaving TX, then go move to where he's at.




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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Medic2Doula View Post
    IMO love is always enough, but it has to be LOVE, not lust, not butterflies.
    Love is just as much sacrifice as it is joy.
    I made my other post before I saw this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    I disagree because she's the only one having to sacrifice anything in this instance. You can love somebody plenty but if your circumstances aren't compatible, it's only going to strain the relationship and build resentment. I know he's not choosing his orders or anything but she's clearly the one at a massive disadvantage here having to pause her education and move somewhere she's never wanted to go. What sacrifice is he making? What sacrifice is he ever gonna make for her that'll be comparable to a 20 year old dropping out of college and moving across the country for him?
    I agree with this.

    I was 18 when DH joined and 19 when we were married so know what OPs in for if she marries. Love is important of course but it takes maturity, independence, experience, patience, etc. At that age, you're still figuring out who you are. Trying to figure it out when you're thousands of miles from home, without a job or school (since it's not always easy finding one right away), you've never been on your own... It's hard. You might love someone all you want but sometimes the circumstances aren't right, and the love starts slowly getting chipped away.




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