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Thread: Is it always one sided?

  1. Old Newbie
    Egybelle's Avatar
    Egybelle is offline
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    #1

    Is it always one sided?

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    I am new to this site. I joined because I am grasping at any end I can to see if there is something I am missing. Hoping that finding people who are going through or have gone through similar things and how they have managed. Outsiders perspective ya know?
    so here is a sum up. My solider and I met and started dating in January of 2016. in July he was deployed. He will not get back until this July. So for the year and a half of our relationship I have really only been able to be with him about 4 months (dues to other missions prior to his deployment)
    When we first started dating we started strong and despite obstacles that kept trying to get between us we kept growing stronger. Has his deployment came closer he started distancing himself, subconsciously I believe. I have never dated in the Military before and had and still have no idea what to expect how to handle and what help it pass. When he left his family and friends were at the airport with us claiming support and help for me to get through this as I Kissed him goodbye. Since that day not only have I not had a single reply to any tex or call that ive tried to send out towards this "support" that I was supposed to have but my Love has continued to distance himself. His words are harsh and his eyes no longer sparkle when he sees me. So for a year now I have been battling with myself trying to figure out if this is normal for Deployed Soldiers to push away the ones they ask to way for them. Or is it just me and he's done?
    I know that things are difficult for him and stressful for him and he tells me to be strong and understanding. That I have to get used to it and all the things that I am doing wrong as a Significant other waiting. But I feel like it is not just me who should be trying while he is away to keep us together and happy. Just because he is away, does that give them the excuse to do what ever they please act how they want and say what they want with out filter or worry about how that effects the person that is left to wait? Should the expectations not be the same on both ends?
    I guess I am just rambling now and not making any sense. If there is any one out there who is picking up a little of what im putting down.... please help me understand. I want to get it I do. I would do anything for this man and I feel like once I understand what it is im supposed to do, then it wont be so hard. Yet I haven't a clue what's expected of me and why feeling are non existant on the other side. Are they not allowed to show them except to their family in combat?
  2. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is online now
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    #2
    While it isn't 100% unheard of, not it is not normal for deployed service members to be super distant for more than just a week here and there, or to be harsh toward their loved one. You are correct that being away is not an excuse for him to behave badly or not care for your needs. So men will try to use it an an excuse because they don't want to have to put any energy into loving their partner, but that's crap. It's just that--an excuse to be lazy and blow off the needs of their partner. A service member is allowed to show feelings for anyone he wants to. Sadly, yours is just *choosing* not to.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  3. Old Newbie
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    #3

    Neutral no excuse

    I am very grateful for your words. When I have brought it up to him he says that he is exhausted, doesn't want to get into a deep conversation because he doesn't have the energy. Granted, we do have a 7 hour time difference, and being somewhere you have to constantly be undercover, I get hot it can be stressful and you just want to be. But please correct me if I am wrong, am I not as his other half, supposed to be supportive, be there for his vents, worries, fears and teas. help make him smile every day so that it makes it easier for him to do what tasks lie ahead? How am I supposed ot do that with out and hope that what I am doing is making a positive difference?

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