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Thread: I feel trapped, I need support.

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    #1

    Screwy I feel trapped, I need support.

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    Just recently, my husband and I moved out of the country to a new duty station. I myself just left the military last spring so I am new to being a stay at home mom and not working. Ever since we came out here to Japan things have been so hard for me. I have no one to talk to I feel like my husband has completely isolated me. A few weeks ago I asked him if I could go visit home for a little while and take my son to visit the family (he still hasn't had the chance to meet a majority of my family, including my dad). My husband told me I could go but I'm not allowed to take my son with me. He does nothing but make me feel bad about being a stay at home mom, and makes me feel completely useless. All the while, I have the ultimatum of going to school and using my gi bill to get income or sending my son to daycare so I can work. Mind you there isn't many jobs, we are on a very small base in a pretty small city here. It is my responsibility to still provide for the family, I pay for all of our food and groceries every week, and no he does not buy me a thing, I take care of myself still. He knows my gi bill is being wasted since my degree I am pursuing needs to be taken at an in person university (physics). Everything just feels so useless being here but I don't know what to do and I don't have anyone to talk to here. I just want to take my son home and be with family we are so alone here. He knows there's nothing between us physically or emotionally, and today admitted we are together because "we are benifitting" from each other. I just feel so horrible about myself. I don't want to take my son from his father, and I'm scared if I fight for custody that i might lose my son.. I would Be lost without him. Life would be so much better if me and him could just be on our own though away from all the tension of this marriage of a lie. I need some serious advice... I have an appointment to get advice from legal this week coming up. You guys are moms and wives though and It would really help me.
    Last edited by WheninRome; 10-22-2016 at 11:52 AM.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by WheninRome View Post
    Just recently, my husband and I moved out of the country to a new duty station. I myself just left the military last spring so I am new to being a stay at home mom and not working. Ever since we came out here to Japan things have been so hard for me. I have no one to talk to I feel like my husband has completely isolated me. A few weeks ago I asked him if I could go visit home for a little while and take my son to visit the family (he still hasn't had the chance to meet a majority of my family, including my dad). My husband told me I could
    Go but I'm not allowed to take my son with me. He does nothing but make me feel bad about being a stay and home mom, and makes me feel completely useless. All the while, I have the ultimatum of going to school at using my gi bill to get income or sending my son to daycare so I can work. Mind you there isn't many jobs, we are on a very small base in a pretty small city here. It is my responsibility to still provide for the family, I pay for all of our food and groceries every week, and no he does not buy me a thing, I take care of myself still. He knows my gi bill is being wasted since my degree I am pursuing needs to be taken at an in person university (physics). Everything just feels so useless being here but I don't know what to do and I don't have anyone to talk to here. I just want to take my son home and be with family we are so alone here. He knows there's nothing between us physically or emotionally, and today admitted we are together because "we are benifitting" from each other. I just feel so horrible about myself. I don't want to take my son from his father, and I'm scared if I fight for custody that i might lose my son.. I would Be lost without him. Life would be so much better if me and him could just be on our own though away from all the tension of this marriage of a lie. I need some serious advice... I have an appointment to get advice from legal this week coming up. You guys are moms and wives though and It would really help me.
    I'm typing from my phone, so will only hit one point.
    You are NOT ALLOWED to take your son?
    I would take him, pack some bags, go home and never look back.
    Why do you think you would lose custody?
    You are being treated like an indentured servant.
    Run, now
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
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    Yes he says, you can go ahead and go home but you aren't taking my son. I've never given him a reason to worry about me going home and have been completely faithful. It's so stressful. Haha I never looked at it that way but I think you're right I am being treated like an indentured servant. He lets me know I'm worthless and don't do enough. I'm worried about not winning custody of my son because he's put fear in me. That I'm not as good as him, you know? He has a "better plan" and he knows best. He makes all of the calls for everything. I used to be so much more than this I never saw myself getting in this situation. I don't know how to just run. I'm in another country and everything I worked for, most of our furniture I bought before we married. I don't want to leave and then end up making the wrong move. He's a coward and it's rubbed off on me.
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    #4
    Tbh it sounds like you're being emotionally and financially abused and you should gtfo. I mean how is that fair that your husband carted you off to a foreign country where he must be aware jobs are scarce, he resents you for staying home to take care of your son, and for some reason you're responsible for supporting the family on your GI bill?? That is absurd. Quit wasting your GI bill, save that for when you leave his ass.

    Also I'm not pretending to be an expert here but I can't imagine any judge taking your son away and giving your husband custody while he's stationed in Japan. The fact that he has a job and you don't doesn't really work in his favor when that job involves being stationed in Japan and going away for training, deployments, etc.
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    #5
    Take your son home and get out! It really sounds like he is emotionally abusing you and it doesn't sound like you are "benefitting" from him at all! I am not an expert either, but I feel like in most custody battles they do what's best for the child. Being with a stable parent sounds like a better choice for your son than being in a foreign country with a father who can't possibly be there for him at all times. Likely, it is just a threat to keep you there.
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    #6
    The only situation I can think of where he can legally prevent you from taking your son does not apply in japan, and also if he is not a citizen of Japan.
    I would buy two tickets, one for you and one for your son.
    I would not tell anyone that you are taking him. Pack your stuff and leave with your son without saying anything.
    Ie, run away from home.
    If he works during the day, tell him you are leaving on lets say a tuesday. On Monday, while he is at work, you pack your sons things, and go to the airport, AND FLY OUT on MONDAY.

    he can not stop you.
    If you feel physically threatened, you report it to the base security.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
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    Also, be ready to change all the passwords to all your accounts, and even set up new accounts.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
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    #8
    Yeah I agree with everyone else. Get out. I wouldn't even tell him I was leaving on such and such day. Do you have a credit card you can use to purchase tickets or get help from your family at home, so he wouldn't know the money missing from the bank account? Don't worry about your furniture. It's things that can be replaced. Pack what you can in a suitcase or two and get yourself and your son home. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your son. Do you want him growing up in that kind of environment and thinking it's okay to treat women like that? I know it's not easy to leave but you shouldn't have to live like this.
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    #9
    Also, just because he has a job and you don't doesn't mean he will get custody of your son. He lives in a foreign country and he's in the military. He has no support system and no plan in place on what to do with your son when he goes away for training or deploys. He is going to have to pay child support for his son who lives with you.
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    #10
    Does your son have a passport?
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