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Thread: He wants a divorce!!

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    #1

    Mad He wants a divorce!!

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    So I used to be in here and I was bashed for taking things from my husband and keeping my family together. The thing now is that I am much stronger though lol. Any who. I am 29 and have 4 children as which one is autistic with other issues. My husband is in the Army and he had just left in March to go to Germany on a two year tour. I stayed behind as an agreement between the both of us for two reasons. 1. my son being autistic and the big move and 2. Because i am going to law school and Law school would start before his return. Now that he is there he has just told me after a big argument that he wants a divorce because of the senseless arguing. hahahah in my eyes because i have dealt with a lot in this marriage that was not my fault and was problems that he needed to address for himself. I stuck it out and got him help even though me and my children were affected. I have never been to counseling afraid of the consequences that it would bring with him in the army. Just recently with him telling me that he wanted a divorce over "senseless arguments" I am finally speaking out which feels really good. I am tired of holding on to HIS secrets. Secrets that are not mine to have and endure the pain from. Any who. I am just looking for support in my situation because I feel lost. I feel like i have given all of me and it was thrown in my face as unappreciative. I feel that he could have said he wanted a divorce before he left for germany. Might I add that he was supposed to meet us in the stat i was going to law school and i was told that there aren't even any slots for him there which mean in my heart he set this whole thing up. I never deserved this as a faithful wife, loyal wife, good wife, and friend. Anything you guys want to know just asked. I am done with the secrecy. I just want to be happy. What do I do as far as legally. He was supposed to be paying for me to go to law school with the GI Bill and now since you have a crisis and you were a coward I have to suffer. Please words of encouragement, laughter, scolding, i don't care I just need people who can give me a better perspective being as though he did this while he is in Germany and I am 4000 miles away from home with family.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Faithful2020 View Post
    So I used to be in here and I was bashed for taking things from my husband and keeping my family together. The thing now is that I am much stronger though lol. Any who. I am 29 and have 4 children as which one is autistic with other issues. My husband is in the Army and he had just left in March to go to Germany on a two year tour. I stayed behind as an agreement between the both of us for two reasons. 1. my son being autistic and the big move and 2. Because i am going to law school and Law school would start before his return. Now that he is there he has just told me after a big argument that he wants a divorce because of the senseless arguing. hahahah in my eyes because i have dealt with a lot in this marriage that was not my fault and was problems that he needed to address for himself. I stuck it out and got him help even though me and my children were affected. I have never been to counseling afraid of the consequences that it would bring with him in the army. Just recently with him telling me that he wanted a divorce over "senseless arguments" I am finally speaking out which feels really good. I am tired of holding on to HIS secrets. Secrets that are not mine to have and endure the pain from. Any who. I am just looking for support in my situation because I feel lost. I feel like i have given all of me and it was thrown in my face as unappreciative. I feel that he could have said he wanted a divorce before he left for germany. Might I add that he was supposed to meet us in the stat i was going to law school and i was told that there aren't even any slots for him there which mean in my heart he set this whole thing up. I never deserved this as a faithful wife, loyal wife, good wife, and friend. Anything you guys want to know just asked. I am done with the secrecy. I just want to be happy. What do I do as far as legally. He was supposed to be paying for me to go to law school with the GI Bill and now since you have a crisis and you were a coward I have to suffer. Please words of encouragement, laughter, scolding, i don't care I just need people who can give me a better perspective being as though he did this while he is in Germany and I am 4000 miles away from home with family.
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    #3
    Sorry to hear this. What you do legally is hire a lawyer. If the children are his, you want to make sure you hire a lawyer that is well versed in divorces of active duty military members.
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    #4
    Call a lawyer, tomorrow. Find one who has handled many divorces involving a service member. I don't think you are specifically entitled to the GI Bill, in that I don't think it is considered community property in the same way a pension is, but if that's a huge point of contention for you, you can ask your lawyer to include it in a possible settlement. You can ask for anything when negotiating.

    Have you been admitted to law school? When did you get your bachelor's?

    When you say you are tired of holding on to secrets, are you speaking of infidelity? if so, resist the temptation to go blabbing about it just because you are upset. It isn't going to help anything. He is extremely unlikely to get in trouble at work, and if he does and loses rank/pay, that only hurts you as far as alimony and child support. It also brings you down to his level. Be better than that. Be above lashing out in revenge. Don't let him turn you into a vengeful, hurtful person. Also, it is certainly not going to make the divorce process easier if you piss him off even more or cause troubles for him at work. Maybe that's not what you meant when you said that, but if it was, it's a bad plan. His actions show who he is, and yours show who you are. If you are spiteful and vindictive, that speaks to your character.
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    #5
    Thanks everyone. I am trying to stay faithful to Gods word and I am a firm believer that people will reap what they sew. The GI bill is not "entitled'" to me but he did say he would be willing to give it to me but i just want that in writing. Thanks
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    #6

    Graduation

    I am done with school in August. I take my lsat June 6 and I am starting to apply to law schools in September.
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    #7
    What was your user name last time you were on the site?

    You say you just want it in writing that he'll give you the GI Bill. What I'm telling you is that he may not give that to you, so you might need to be prepared for that. Hopefully your lawyer can work it out as part of the settlement, but if it comes down to going to court, I don't think you have legal grounds for insisting. I am not a lawyer, however, and every case is different, so your best bet is to talk to a lawyer. And the sooner you do that, the better, so you can be prepared if he starts withholding support or causes any other issues.

    Also, are you sure he is able to transfer to you? I believe he has to have served 6 years with a 4 year additional commitment, minimum, or order to transfer.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #8
    I am a lawyer, and here is my advice: put law school off, for a while, if not permanently.
    1)law school is difficult and the first year is incredibly time consuming. It is also very stressful. Trying to manage that while going through a divorce, and raising the kids by yourself is going to give you a huge disadvantage. Your work will suffer, as will your kids and yourself.
    2) the job market for lawyers is near an all-time low. Unless you are going to a top tier law school, AND graduating at the top of your class, or being related to a lawyer who has already promised you a job, you are looking at years of unemployment after graduating.
    3) without the financial help of your husband and or the GI Bill, you can expect to have to work while in school. This is general!y not allowed your first year if you are in a part time program.
    4) if you have to take out loans, you are looking at graduating law school with student loans of no less than $100k, and possibly double that.
    5) raising children, working and going to law school is difficult. I went to school with some single moms. They did well, but the ones who could manage it were miserable. Now add in a special needs child. There was a saying at the beginning of law school during orientation: look at the student to your left. look at the student to your right. Now go home and kiss your family good bye for the next 2 years.

    Also be aware that the post-9/11 GI Bill benefits are not considered marital property or assets. In addition, if he does transfer it to you, he may be required to do an additional 4 years active duty. See this link for more info: Military Divorce Law: Military Divorce and Post 9/11 GI Bill Benefits

    If you do have any questions about law school, the job situation, etc, feel free to ask.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    I am a lawyer, and here is my advice: put law school off, for a while, if not permanently.
    1)law school is difficult and the first year is incredibly time consuming. It is also very stressful. Trying to manage that while going through a divorce, and raising the kids by yourself is going to give you a huge disadvantage. Your work will suffer, as will your kids and yourself.
    2) the job market for lawyers is near an all-time low. Unless you are going to a top tier law school, AND graduating at the top of your class, or being related to a lawyer who has already promised you a job, you are looking at years of unemployment after graduating.
    3) without the financial help of your husband and or the GI Bill, you can expect to have to work while in school. This is general!y not allowed your first year if you are in a part time program.
    4) if you have to take out loans, you are looking at graduating law school with student loans of no less than $100k, and possibly double that.
    5) raising children, working and going to law school is difficult. I went to school with some single moms. They did well, but the ones who could manage it were miserable. Now add in a special needs child. There was a saying at the beginning of law school during orientation: look at the student to your left. look at the student to your right. Now go home and kiss your family good bye for the next 2 years.

    Also be aware that the post-9/11 GI Bill benefits are not considered marital property or assets. In addition, if he does transfer it to you, he may be required to do an additional 4 years active duty. See this link for more info: Military Divorce Law: Military Divorce and Post 9/11 GI Bill Benefits

    If you do have any questions about law school, the job situation, etc, feel free to ask.


    One thing that is not going to happen is me putting off law school. I wasn't planning to go to law school until next fall. I do have help once I move back home. I have family that is very supportive the situation. I have never been a person to do things because they are easy which is why Ill be getting my masters in March with 4 kids, one being special needs. Thanks for your advice but I can't take that advice. Next thing I Know that he does not have to give me the GI Bill but also am smart enough to know if thats the case I want it in writing that he is going to do that. He ca transfer it to me being as though he is reenlisting and he has served 6 years. I just want to do this in a cordial way and not affect the kids to much where it is messy. It seems as though that is what he wants to do but I am just trying to make sure that I have all of my ducks in a row. I am not being defensive, this is just my dream and my children are actually also invested in mom going to law school and us starting a great new chapter. Thanks
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Faithful2020 View Post
    One thing that is not going to happen is me putting off law school. I wasn't planning to go to law school until next fall. I do have help once I move back home. I have family that is very supportive the situation. I have never been a person to do things because they are easy which is why Ill be getting my masters in March with 4 kids, one being special needs. Thanks for your advice but I can't take that advice. Next thing I Know that he does not have to give me the GI Bill but also am smart enough to know if thats the case I want it in writing that he is going to do that. He ca transfer it to me being as though he is reenlisting and he has served 6 years. I just want to do this in a cordial way and not affect the kids to much where it is messy. It seems as though that is what he wants to do but I am just trying to make sure that I have all of my ducks in a row. I am not being defensive, this is just my dream and my children are actually also invested in mom going to law school and us starting a great new chapter. Thanks
    good to see that you're open to experienced and logical advice.


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