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Thread: Advice needed, losing my guy

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    #1

    Advice needed, losing my guy

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    Last edited by Zoe2016; 04-27-2016 at 07:53 AM. Reason: Double posted- sorry
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    Need advice - he wants space (sorry, its a long one)

    Sorry for the long story but i really need some advice. My partner is special forces commando, we've known each other 4 years and been exclusively dating since last feb. Although we don't get to spend much time together due to his long working hours, things have been great. He was deployed last September for 6 months and we spoke everyday. When he came back, we went on our first holiday together and it was bliss and 2 weeks ago we finally made things official. The past week he's been really distant and super stressed with work. He's burnt himself out and thinking of leaving the military (7 years service). Yesterday he told me he needed some space to sort himself and his life out. I was heartbroken. I told him to take all the time he needs and that I'll be there for him when he needs me but did he still want to be with me... he said atm he just needs some space and doesnt want to drag me along and make me feel worse. I reassured him that he does support me and that I'd fallen for him and want to be there to support him and to please not push me away. He told me (1st time!!) that he has fallen for me too and feels awful for not being able to support me or be there for me. I don't want to make him feel guilty for needing space but I feel so low. Has anyone else been here? I guess i just need reassurance, he's a very honest man but is he telling me he's fallen for me to placate me and the need for space his way of saying its over or does he want to be with me and just needs some time to sort his life out? Please help! I feel so alone right now.
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    #3

    Need advice - he wants space (sorry, its a long one)

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    Last edited by Zoe2016; 04-27-2016 at 07:52 AM. Reason: Double posted
  4. Do or do not... There is no try.~ Yoda, Jedi Master
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    Please refrain from posting the same thread in different areas of the board as it is against TOS.
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    So sorry! It said it failed to post and when I tried to check I couldn't find it.
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    #6
    I would give him the space he wants but tell him that you are going to be there to talk to when he is ready. I'd say something like "I'll give you the time and space you need. Just know that I love you and once you've taken the time you need I will be here for you."

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    #7
    Unfortunately you don't have much choice at this point but to give him the space he needs. Can't say I have ever been there, but I do know after a couple of deployments my DH was pretty distant and while he never verbalized that he needed space I could sense it. It is an empty feeling and feel for you. Just let him know it's ok and you will be there for him.
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    #8
    This man has decided he can live without you. His reasons don't really matter, and keep in mind that more often in not in a break up (or a "talk"), the reasons we give or are given are half true at best and meant to spare feelings and/or make things less awkward. What matters is that instead of fighting tooth and nail to be with you, he's chosen to walk away. I want a partner who can't imagine choosing to be without me, not someone who ditches me when times are tough.

    I'd give him the space by moving on.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #9
    Sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately, if he is demanding space give him just that...space. Hanging around and asking more questions will most likely make things worse. I would give him space and continue you on with my life. If he decides to come back around, you can revisit it at that time. Of course it hurts but what can you do? Let him know you care and support him but respect his decision.
    *hugs*
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    #10
    I'd leave it be for a while. Work on yourself and take some time to be upset and grieve. Then...keep moving. If it is truly meant to be it will work out. Maybe he truly needs time to figure out what he wants his life to look like, maybe he wants the relationship to truly end, maybe he is scared and needs a minute to sort it out. Regardless, he has nicely asked for space and it would be disrespectful to do anything else at this point. Hang in there, you'll be ok either way!!
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