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Thread: Move on, or wait weather the storm?

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Confused Move on, or wait weather the storm?

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    This has been a long story in the making, but here's the thick of it:
    Me and him had been seeing each other quite some time. Suddenly his ex wife came into the picture, emotionally manipulating him and making him feel responsible for a lot of things that happened in her life that weren't directly his fault. He felt he couldn't continue the relationship feeling how he did about what was going on with her, and because he wasn't sure he could 100% commit to me in light of a PCS coming up in spring. Originally I was going to go with him (overseas) on a work visa, and we'd continue the relationship until a point when we'd want to get married. Which we'd talked about.

    So we broke up and I left, across the country actually, to go back to living with my family while I restart my life. It's been many weeks now, and he's "coming to a realization" that he lost something he doesn't think he can find again. Talking to me about living overseas with him, and how he wants kids now when he never did before, etc. etc. All that--- and get this, he wants to make sure he gets everything sorted out with the ex wife before potentially having me come back and having my heart broken again. I love him very much still, and I can't get over him even if I want to. So OF COURSE I'm holding out for him to say to me in a month or two or whatever "come back!" ...but should I? He's telling me he loves me all the time, and all this stuff that makes my heart flutter and it gives me hope that we'll have a future, but is that realistic? Or should I just move on and not factor him into my life anymore? I'm really, really confused.

    additions:
    We didn't talk for a few days after I left. I said I couldn't do it, because it hurt too much. ...and then we started talking again, just how we always have. All day, morning to night, about everything. Detaching my life from his has proved impossible throughout all of this.
  2. OG Member
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    #2
    Honestly, I'd run. If he loved you and wanted a lasting relationship with you then his ex-wife shouldn't have been able to waltz back in and make any difference. If this were me I would turn tail and never look back because burn me once shame on you, burn me twice (and I'm willing to bet he will) shame on me.

    Good luck OP in whatever you choose to do but I'd be careful about up rooting your life a second time for a man and potentially leaving the country and trying to have kids with a man that is so wishy washy.


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    #3
    I would never waste my time with someone so ambivalent about me that he found it in his heart to leave me. He's clearly conflicted, clearly has unresolved issues with his Ex, and clearly doesn't especially value you. Sure, he wants you back, right up until things get tough again. No thank you.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #4
    move on,,,you should be a priority not an option
  5. The name says it all!
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    #5
    Sorry OP, I'd get out while the getting was good. He isn't treating you like a priority.

    DH: Thank you. ME: For what, babe? DH: For being you.




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    #6
    I'm sure these are not the comments you wanted to hear - but it sounds like everyone is giving you the same advice or opinion. Personally, I would feel 2nd rate if this happened to me. Let's say you go back... things go well for awhile and then the ex shows up again and the cycle repeats itself... then what? I say move on with your life ... as hard as it might be. You deserve someone who wants YOU not someone who is 2nd guessing his past relationship. That's just my two cents.
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    #7
    In sorry OP but I have to agree, i think its best if you move on. He hurt you so bad (mainly because of his ex wife) and I couldnt inagine making yourself vulnerable to that again.

    good luck with whatever you choose.
    "She knew she loved him when 'home' went from being a place to being a person."
  8. Senior Member
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by buttercup View Post
    This has been a long story in the making, but here's the thick of it:
    Me and him had been seeing each other quite some time. Suddenly his ex wife came into the picture, emotionally manipulating him and making him feel responsible for a lot of things that happened in her life that weren't directly his fault. He felt he couldn't continue the relationship feeling how he did about what was going on with her, and because he wasn't sure he could 100% commit to me in light of a PCS coming up in spring. Originally I was going to go with him (overseas) on a work visa, and we'd continue the relationship until a point when we'd want to get married. Which we'd talked about.

    So we broke up and I left, across the country actually, to go back to living with my family while I restart my life. It's been many weeks now, and he's "coming to a realization" that he lost something he doesn't think he can find again. Talking to me about living overseas with him, and how he wants kids now when he never did before, etc. etc. All that--- and get this, he wants to make sure he gets everything sorted out with the ex wife before potentially having me come back and having my heart broken again. I love him very much still, and I can't get over him even if I want to. So OF COURSE I'm holding out for him to say to me in a month or two or whatever "come back!" ...but should I? He's telling me he loves me all the time, and all this stuff that makes my heart flutter and it gives me hope that we'll have a future, but is that realistic? Or should I just move on and not factor him into my life anymore? I'm really, really confused.

    additions:
    We didn't talk for a few days after I left. I said I couldn't do it, because it hurt too much. ...and then we started talking again, just how we always have. All day, morning to night, about everything. Detaching my life from his has proved impossible throughout all of this.
    I say move on. If he is that easily distracted and able to be manipulated etc etc etc you do not want to be moving to a strange country for a man you have absolutely not firm connection with. If he wants to try again with a long distance relationship I would consider that but hell no don't give up everything (especially since you are rebuilding now from the relationship with him before) to bow to his whims.
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    #9
    Find somebody without the baggage. There are plenty of fish in the sea, find one without a so-called manipulative ex wife who actually values you.
  10. Fresh Newbie
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    #10
    I feel so silly but like...I know I'm a valuable person. I have a lot to give. But how I am socially, and how uninvolved I am in the community, I don't feel like I'll have somebody else in my life like that again? Is that dumb? I hate being lonely, and I really really want to have a meaningful relationship. Particularly wanted that with him. I'm really afraid I'll just be alone and turn into a workhorse and that'll be that.
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