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Thread: Online Dating: Free vs Paid Sites

  1. Wine-o
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    #1

    Online Dating: Free vs Paid Sites

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    Even though I'm not truly ready to date again yet, I reactivated my free OkCupid profile the other day. And I'm reminded how much I hate online dating. I've gone on lots of dates before using the websites, only had one real boyfriend off of it - Air Force guy (only other military guy I've dated) while I lived in Hawaii. I've primarily used OKC and tried Plenty of Fish as well, but wasn't a big fan of that site. I also did the Tinder thing for a very short time and didn't like that one at all. In the few days I've been back on OKC, I'm just getting crap message after crap message - guys that don't read your profile at all, ones that send you obvious copy/paste messages, etc.

    I've never been able to justify paying for a site like Match or eHarmony, especially because I've had friends on both with no luck. But I'm wondering if the message exchanges are at least of better substance since people are paying? What are your thoughts on the free vs paid sites?

    I've got a lot of events going on this summer, so I'm hoping to meet new people that way as well. I met my xDB through mutual friends, not online.
    ~Becca~


  2. aka Milfon2Wheelz
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by brahette View Post
    Even though I'm not truly ready to date again yet, I reactivated my free OkCupid profile the other day. And I'm reminded how much I hate online dating. I've gone on lots of dates before using the websites, only had one real boyfriend off of it - Air Force guy (only other military guy I've dated) while I lived in Hawaii. I've primarily used OKC and tried Plenty of Fish as well, but wasn't a big fan of that site. I also did the Tinder thing for a very short time and didn't like that one at all. In the few days I've been back on OKC, I'm just getting crap message after crap message - guys that don't read your profile at all, ones that send you obvious copy/paste messages, etc.

    I've never been able to justify paying for a site like Match or eHarmony, especially because I've had friends on both with no luck. But I'm wondering if the message exchanges are at least of better substance since people are paying? What are your thoughts on the free vs paid sites?

    I've got a lot of events going on this summer, so I'm hoping to meet new people that way as well. I met my xDB through mutual friends, not online.

    Ok so first bolded, if you aren't ready then why reactivate it? And if you hate online dating why do it? I have heard other people say the same thing yet they continue to do it and there is fail after fail or horror stories about guys that show up that look nothing like their profile and and and...I just don't get it. If something doesn't work well for you why keep trying it?

    I also just checked your post history, you posted 9 days ago that you broke up. I know everyone is different but I have to imagine the pain is still raw after not quite two weeks, do you really even want to think about dating right now? Take time to be free and enjoy yourself for a few weeks. If you have a lot going on this summer then just enjoy that and let it happen, maybe you will meet someone and maybe you won't but you aren't going to have the stress and pressure of trying to find someone that you get when using a dating app.

    As for the dating sites, yes I do believe you will find better caliber material on paid sites. People are going to take care of things that cost them something better than things you can get for free. If they pay for the site they're much more likely to have a full profile filled out instead of the minimum with one word answers. It also shows they are seriously looking and not just online to troll or have fun. (Side note I saw on reddit once where a couple people made an OKC profile and used a models picture and started collecting phone numbers and passed the phone numbers on to the guys that were still contacting the profile and hilarity ensued for like 2 hours until the profile was pulled)
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by BraveLilToaster View Post
    Ok so first bolded, if you aren't ready then why reactivate it? And if you hate online dating why do it? I have heard other people say the same thing yet they continue to do it and there is fail after fail or horror stories about guys that show up that look nothing like their profile and and and...I just don't get it. If something doesn't work well for you why keep trying it?

    I also just checked your post history, you posted 9 days ago that you broke up. I know everyone is different but I have to imagine the pain is still raw after not quite two weeks, do you really even want to think about dating right now? Take time to be free and enjoy yourself for a few weeks. If you have a lot going on this summer then just enjoy that and let it happen, maybe you will meet someone and maybe you won't but you aren't going to have the stress and pressure of trying to find someone that you get when using a dating app.

    As for the dating sites, yes I do believe you will find better caliber material on paid sites. People are going to take care of things that cost them something better than things you can get for free. If they pay for the site they're much more likely to have a full profile filled out instead of the minimum with one word answers. It also shows they are seriously looking and not just online to troll or have fun. (Side note I saw on reddit once where a couple people made an OKC profile and used a models picture and started collecting phone numbers and passed the phone numbers on to the guys that were still contacting the profile and hilarity ensued for like 2 hours until the profile was pulled)
    Or the woman who tried to be as obnoxious as possible.
    Woman Creates 'Worst Online Dating Profile Ever,' Gets Tons of Replies

    Yeah, Id hold off a while if your looking for something serious, rather than just some rebound lays.
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  4. Wine-o
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by BraveLilToaster View Post
    Ok so first bolded, if you aren't ready then why reactivate it? And if you hate online dating why do it? I have heard other people say the same thing yet they continue to do it and there is fail after fail or horror stories about guys that show up that look nothing like their profile and and and...I just don't get it. If something doesn't work well for you why keep trying it?

    I also just checked your post history, you posted 9 days ago that you broke up. I know everyone is different but I have to imagine the pain is still raw after not quite two weeks, do you really even want to think about dating right now? Take time to be free and enjoy yourself for a few weeks. If you have a lot going on this summer then just enjoy that and let it happen, maybe you will meet someone and maybe you won't but you aren't going to have the stress and pressure of trying to find someone that you get when using a dating app.

    As for the dating sites, yes I do believe you will find better caliber material on paid sites. People are going to take care of things that cost them something better than things you can get for free. If they pay for the site they're much more likely to have a full profile filled out instead of the minimum with one word answers. It also shows they are seriously looking and not just online to troll or have fun. (Side note I saw on reddit once where a couple people made an OKC profile and used a models picture and started collecting phone numbers and passed the phone numbers on to the guys that were still contacting the profile and hilarity ensued for like 2 hours until the profile was pulled)
    Yeah my main reason for reactivating it was that I really don't need to give it my full attention right now since I've got a lot going on. I'm hoping to meet someone the old fashioned way, but if I don't, no huge deal. Really just wanted to see if the sites were as I remembered and kind of get my feet wet this way... and then when I'm REALLY ready to actually try to find someone (assuming that I haven't elsewhere), then try one of the paid sites if the quality is better. Thanks for the insight, I appreciate it!
    ~Becca~


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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by BraveLilToaster View Post
    Ok so first bolded, if you aren't ready then why reactivate it? And if you hate online dating why do it? I have heard other people say the same thing yet they continue to do it and there is fail after fail or horror stories about guys that show up that look nothing like their profile and and and...I just don't get it. If something doesn't work well for you why keep trying it?

    I also just checked your post history, you posted 9 days ago that you broke up. I know everyone is different but I have to imagine the pain is still raw after not quite two weeks, do you really even want to think about dating right now? Take time to be free and enjoy yourself for a few weeks. If you have a lot going on this summer then just enjoy that and let it happen, maybe you will meet someone and maybe you won't but you aren't going to have the stress and pressure of trying to find someone that you get when using a dating app.

    As for the dating sites, yes I do believe you will find better caliber material on paid sites. People are going to take care of things that cost them something better than things you can get for free. If they pay for the site they're much more likely to have a full profile filled out instead of the minimum with one word answers. It also shows they are seriously looking and not just online to troll or have fun. (Side note I saw on reddit once where a couple people made an OKC profile and used a models picture and started collecting phone numbers and passed the phone numbers on to the guys that were still contacting the profile and hilarity ensued for like 2 hours until the profile was pulled)
    Tbh I made a tinder and okcupid account like, the day I moved home lol. It helped me a lot to see that there are other fish in the sea. I know that's not for everybody but I wouldn't judge just because it's not what you think she should be doing. If nothing else, it's a good distraction.


    Ok to reply to your actual post lol. I feel like there are almost certainly higher quality guys to be found on paid sites, but it's not something I would be willing to pay for at this time. Maybe very far off into the future? But tbh I don't see myself ever putting money toward it. I found my best match on tinder of all places, but I also found him on okcupid and we're a 96% I definitely get a shitload of stupid messages I usually don't even bother reading, but every so often I get a good one and have a conversation. I'm not looking to jump into a serious relationship or anything but when you're over the sad part of a breakup, it's nice to have somebody to hang out with on a casual level. That's what I'm doing right now, we're both on the same page with that and it's going awesome.
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    #6
    Personally I tried paid sites for YEARS. Never got far and wasted a lot of money in the process. Was able to meet more people on the free sites. Ended up with two relationships out of that. So personally I am biased to the free sites, except you have a lot more "weeding" out to do. I find that when you are upfront with your intentions and ask the other person what are their intentions, it helps weed people out. For example- I do not have sex until I am in a committed relationship. Most of the guys I encountered on the free sites were looking for friends with benefits. Letting them know ahead of time that I am looking for a serious relationship that leads to marriage usually makes them uninterested. Disclosing that I am abstinent also turns them off. Requiring a guy to put in the work before receiving the benefits also had them running for the hills lol.
    What I have noticed is that men on the free sites like their women easy. So instead of calling, they text. Instead of a date, they chill at someone's house. Instead of getting to know one another, they want sex by the 2-3 time of meeting. Not sure when this became the norm but if you have solid boundaries and demand respect, I think any guy on a paid site or not, if he is serious and mature, will be a gentleman.

    All that said- I do agree with the two ladies above. You are looking for a distraction to get passed your broken heart. Right now is not the time for that. You need to heal. Hurt people hurt people. If you met the perfect guy tomorrow, you could end up damaging him because you aren't ready to be back out there yet.
    Be around others, hang out with friends, get a new hobby. But it is best to wait on dating. Take some time for yourself.


  7. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #7
    My first thought is that if you're not actively trying to find someone then that might have something to do with the responses you're getting. If you're just looking for casual dating then you're not going to get the attention from people who are looking for a serious relationship and those are the people who tend to put the most effort/time into making full profiles and personalized responses ime. Personally I think that would be a bigger factor than whether the site is paid or not.

    My second thought is I totally agree with BLT, if you're not ready I don't see the point in activating a profile. Also maybe I did it wrong but I never felt like my OKC profile was something I had to give that much attention too. Like once a day I would get home from work, check messages, and reply to the ones I liked. I spent way more time taking the little "about you" tests than I actually did finding dates. So if you're not wanting to date I would just wait on the online dating sites (especially paid ones!) until you're ready.
  8. No longer seeing where it goes, I'm in the driver's seat.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    Tbh I made a tinder and okcupid account like, the day I moved home lol. It helped me a lot to see that there are other fish in the sea. I know that's not for everybody but I wouldn't judge just because it's not what you think she should be doing. If nothing else, it's a good distraction.


    Ok to reply to your actual post lol. I feel like there are almost certainly higher quality guys to be found on paid sites, but it's not something I would be willing to pay for at this time. Maybe very far off into the future? But tbh I don't see myself ever putting money toward it. I found my best match on tinder of all places, but I also found him on okcupid and we're a 96% I definitely get a shitload of stupid messages I usually don't even bother reading, but every so often I get a good one and have a conversation. I'm not looking to jump into a serious relationship or anything but when you're over the sad part of a breakup, it's nice to have somebody to hang out with on a casual level. That's what I'm doing right now, we're both on the same page with that and it's going awesome.
  9. Super Speshil
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    Tbh I made a tinder and okcupid account like, the day I moved home lol. It helped me a lot to see that there are other fish in the sea. I know that's not for everybody but I wouldn't judge just because it's not what you think she should be doing. If nothing else, it's a good distraction.


    Ok to reply to your actual post lol. I feel like there are almost certainly higher quality guys to be found on paid sites, but it's not something I would be willing to pay for at this time. Maybe very far off into the future? But tbh I don't see myself ever putting money toward it. I found my best match on tinder of all places, but I also found him on okcupid and we're a 96% I definitely get a shitload of stupid messages I usually don't even bother reading, but every so often I get a good one and have a conversation. I'm not looking to jump into a serious relationship or anything but when you're over the sad part of a breakup, it's nice to have somebody to hang out with on a casual level. That's what I'm doing right now, we're both on the same page with that and it's going awesome.


    Tinder took off after I met DH, so I never got around to using it and was never interested in that sort of dating platform. However, I used OKC and PoF off and on for about two and a half years, and met a great deal of people, some duds, some turned into relationships, and others a few dates. Honestly, even with the lows (duds), I really enjoyed the experience. I hadn't been in the dating scene in a decade by the time I started dating again, so it was definitely eye-opening.

    PoF wasn't my favorite, but I did meet some really nice guys on there. OKC was hands down my favorite of all of the dating sites. I preferred the platform, the survey and its matching system, and the caliber of matches. As long as I lived in a fairly progressive and metro area I didn't have an issue with finding high matches. I didn't really bother with matches under 90%. The lowest I'd go was high 80's as long as the "big" sections on the survey didn't expose deal-breakers and other no-nos, and I didn't really go for profiles that didn't have at last 500 questions answered (my answered questions ranged from 700-1400 -- I had a few profiles over that time).

    I had three relationships as a result of OKC, and it's where I met DH. We were a 99% match with over 1200 questions in common. At the time we started talking we were 96%, but I went ahead and answered more questions, questions he answered that I hadn't yet, which bumped it to 99.

    I paid for the "A list" membership on OKC, which gives you more features to work with. I prefer OLD to other forms of dating. It worked great for me. I did try match and didn't like it. Plus, the people you'll see on match are likely the same you'll see on other sites. It's one way to maximize exposure in the dating scene.
    Pax, Aeon
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    #10
    Yeah I really like okc, and online dating in general haha. I'm having the time of my life over here.
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