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Thread: Don't Know What To Do Anymore

  1. Old Newbie
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    #1

    Don't Know What To Do Anymore

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    So I wrote on this forum a couple weeks ago about my ex DB's situation. It's still weird saying ex DB since we talk everyday and have spent time together. Basically he found out about 2 months ago that he is going to be starting a workup in September and then is being sent on a ship for 9-12 months to the Middle East. He is not good at handling his emotions, partly because before me he has never loved anyone or let himself be emotionally attached to another person. Anyways, he came to the conclusion it would be easiest for both of us if we break up while he is gone. Even though I did not want to break up I came to understand why he made this decision. However its been hard since neither of us can let go.

    So he found out yesterday he is going to a training school for 3 months in North Carolina. We had planned on spending time together until his work up in September, but now he will be gone until August and then comes back and soon after has to leave again for the work up. He is not handling any of this well at all. He does not want to go, which I completely understand why. But he tells me he just sits in his dorm all day depressed. Part of me is like, well you made the decision to break up, so you're doing it to yourself. The other sees him spiraling into a hole of depression. On the weekends he either sits in his room the whole time, or goes out and drinks way too much. I know I can't fix him, but does anyone have any advice on how I can still be supportive to him. I'm trying everything I can, its just hard watching the person you love be so unhappy and practically give up on his job and everything that made him happy.
  2. Old Newbie
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    #2
    Update: Literally just found out he isn't going to the training school anymore. Although being the military that could always change haha. So I'm not getting my hopes up. But still advice on this situation would be appreciated!
  3. Senior Member
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Elyse View Post
    So I wrote on this forum a couple weeks ago about my ex DB's situation. It's still weird saying ex DB since we talk everyday and have spent time together. Basically he found out about 2 months ago that he is going to be starting a workup in September and then is being sent on a ship for 9-12 months to the Middle East. He is not good at handling his emotions, partly because before me he has never loved anyone or let himself be emotionally attached to another person. Anyways, he came to the conclusion it would be easiest for both of us if we break up while he is gone. Even though I did not want to break up I came to understand why he made this decision. However its been hard since neither of us can let go.

    So he found out yesterday he is going to a training school for 3 months in North Carolina. We had planned on spending time together until his work up in September, but now he will be gone until August and then comes back and soon after has to leave again for the work up. He is not handling any of this well at all. He does not want to go, which I completely understand why. But he tells me he just sits in his dorm all day depressed. Part of me is like, well you made the decision to break up, so you're doing it to yourself. The other sees him spiraling into a hole of depression. On the weekends he either sits in his room the whole time, or goes out and drinks way too much. I know I can't fix him, but does anyone have any advice on how I can still be supportive to him. I'm trying everything I can, its just hard watching the person you love be so unhappy and practically give up on his job and everything that made him happy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Elyse View Post
    Update: Literally just found out he isn't going to the training school anymore. Although being the military that could always change haha. So I'm not getting my hopes up. But still advice on this situation would be appreciated!
    QFP.

    I suggest you look back at your previous thread and read through the responses. Everyone gave really good advice there.

    Truth is... You two are broken up. It's not fair to you that he is stringing you along, continues to talk to you and spend time with you as if you are still his girlfriend. Your not his girlfriend anymore. If he is unhappy or depressed, he should rely on family and friends to help him get through or professional help, not his ex who he chose not to be with.

    He made the decision to break up with you. If he wanted you to be his girlfriend, you'd still be his girlfriend. You sound like you are making excuses for him. He is toying with your emotions. These are not characteristics of a person who truly cares for you.
  4. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #4
    We'll, I've never been in this exact situation, but I know for me, it is hard to move on after a break up if I am still seeing the other person. It sounds like you both kind of made this decision, and it might help to cut off contact for a bit to make it easier for both of you. Break ups suck, but it does start to get easier if you move on. I just think you both might be stuck in the bad part of the breakup if you keep seeing each other and knowing what you're missing. Not sure if that actually helps, but I hope things get better for both of you soon. I know it's hard when you still genuinely care for the other person and it's mostly the situation that caused a break up.
  5. Senior Member
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Deifick View Post
    QFP.

    I suggest you look back at your previous thread and read through the responses. Everyone gave really good advice there.

    Truth is... You two are broken up. It's not fair to you that he is stringing you along, continues to talk to you and spend time with you as if you are still his girlfriend. Your not his girlfriend anymore. If he is unhappy or depressed, he should rely on family and friends to help him get through or professional help, not his ex who he chose not to be with.

    He made the decision to break up with you. If he wanted you to be his girlfriend, you'd still be his girlfriend. You sound like you are making excuses for him. He is toying with your emotions. These are not characteristics of a person who truly cares for you.
    Yup, my thoughts exactly. OP, you have already been given a lot of good advice and there's no sense in beating a dead horse. You broke up. Cut ties.




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