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Thread: Ex getting deployed, confused about everything

  1. Fresh Newbie
    Jelly331's Avatar
    Jelly331 is offline
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    Mar 2014
    Puerto Rico

    Ex getting deployed, confused about everything

    Back at the end of may my DB of 2.5 yrs broke up with me. Things hadn't been good for a while. But we were planning on our future, talking on getting married because there where rumors of him getting deployed soon.

    After we broke up I was heartbroken but calm because I new that we were not working together but we where talking better than we had been for months so I thought that maybe time would make things better. But the last few months have been a horrible rollercoaster of emotions. We have had times when we have started talking again and seeing each other but always something happens. And every time I had tried to take distance from him and stop communication he always comes back calling and texting after a while. So when I think I'm better and letting go, I've let him come and stir things up again. I even know that he has gone out with girls during this past months but he says to me that he hasnt been able to start a relationship because he still thinks about me and is not attracted to these girls. And I'm not stupid, I don't believe everything that he tells and I know he is not telling me everything. But I do still love him and even though I have tried to convince myself that I'm better off without him, I havent been able to move on.

    The thing is that he is getting deployed in less than a month, and is gonna leave for Ahfganistan time after that for a year. And I am devastated. Because I know that if we had stopped communication once we broke up I would had been able to let go and even though it would be sad for me that he is leaving it wouldn't hurt like this. For example, this past weekend he had his Yellow Ribbon Ceremony and I saw the pictures her sister posted on Facebook and I just broke down because I feel that it wasnt supposed to be like this. People tell me that is better that we broke up because I won't have to suffer through the deployment but the thing is that it would be better that I would be going through this with him and his family than all alone.

    So in the last weeks he came back from training and wanted to see me but I had previous plans that I just couldnt get myself out off and he got mad, but then we made plans last weekend to see each other and he blew me off. So I have tried to keep busy and do my own stuff because even though I wish we could be spending time together I just can be here waiting to see if he wants to see me or not.

    And I wish I could just talk to him and tell him how I feel but I just dont want to throw stuff at him when I know he is going through a lot right now and preparing to deploy and he has already put up an emotional wall because I know him and he isn't one to talk about this stuff.

    I'm just in this confusing situation and I really don't have anybody to talk to that could understand. I'm just afraid of what might or might not happen in these weeks before he leaves.
  2. Senior Member
    VicDelo's Avatar
    VicDelo is offline
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    Oct 2014
    Wow this does sound like a crazy situation! I think what you need to decide on first is a time to talk with him- do you really think you could talk before he deploys? Or maybe a month or two after he is and may be settled? Maybe tell him you want to have a talk and see what he says on the timing of it.

    The next step would be to really decide what you want to say when the time comes to talk- do you want to give it one final try? just be friends? or stop any further communication? I know that is way easier said than done- but it really sounds like you both need to decide, hopefully it's the same decision, and then stick with it. If you continued a relationship- what sort of things need to be worked on to make it different than the past and make it successful? may be a good question to address. I know for me, the longer I hold things in the worse it gets, however I understand not wanting to stress him right before deployment but overall you need to have your talk and get it figured out. Waiting with unknown feelings and decisions is only going to make it worse for you, and possibly him. Hope this helps, good luck!

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