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Thread: This is All New to Me - I Don't Know What to Do

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    This is All New to Me - I Don't Know What to Do

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    Last edited by rprince323; 09-22-2014 at 09:10 PM.
  2. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
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    #2
    He isn't in to you, so let him go.

    If he says he doesn't feel the way he thinks he should, but doesn't want to break up in case the feelings get there... that's a cop out. He wants the idea of you, not you.

    I know that sounds harsh, but this really doesn't sound like anything deployment related. If he really was into you, wanted to be with you, cared for you he would make more of an effort.

    You said he didn't get deployed, but instead ended up on a 12 hour shift. And, not to sound even more dismal, but it is rare to have a member work 12s severn days a week all the time. Usually they get a day or two off at some point. So if he has been working 12s seven days a week for months, he's blowing smoke. He would've had some days off in there somewhere.

    Just red flags everywhere for me. A guy who doesn't make and effort, doesn't take time to spend with you, and says he hasn't got the feelings.. well its over before it started. And it really doesn't sound military related at all (or job related).

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
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    #3
    Welcome!
    OP I'm a bit confused. Are you two long distance? You said earlier in your post that he did not deploy after all but then mentioned "deployment mode" and that your friends don't have experience with deployment. What is the dynamic like now?
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    Last edited by rprince323; 09-22-2014 at 09:10 PM.
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    #5
    Honestly I would look at the relationship and not think about the military aspect at all. It feels that you may be using the fact that he is in the military as an excuse for his behavior and a way to hang on. If you really want to hang onto this relationship and not let it go, then don't. Only you can make that decision. Just try not to use those excuses as a crutch.

    If he is telling you that he has lost his feelings for you I would take that at face value and move on to somebody else who does have feelings for you. You deserve better.
  6. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
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    #6
    there is no such thing.. at least not in my opinon.. as 'in deployment mode' for a regular duty shift. He is making excuses.

    If you two are only an hour from each other, if he cared for you or had any interest at all, he would find the time to travel one hour to see you. Again, I doubt he is working seven days a week 12 hour shifts. Have you seen him go to work on the days you do visit him? If you haven't seen him go to work (like seen him get on base and go to his office), or if you haven't met him for lunch or somehow seen that he is at work, then I would definitely venture to believe he is not working seven days a week 12 hour shifts.

    Cut your losses now as it hasn't been that long. He is holding on to you by a string. You are his 'friend with benefits' and that's how I see it.

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by rprince323 View Post
    I am brand new to this site and to dating a military guy and that whole world.
    I'm hoping for some perspective here. I'll try to keep this short.

    I met this wonderful guy in May of this year, everything was unbelievably perfect. I knew he had a deployment coming up in a month after meeting him and we both decided we would take it as it goes and see what happens and I was more than willing to wait for him and figure it out, all this being brand new to me. I have zero experience with military life.

    Turns out he ended up not having to go on deployment but is working a shift at home like he is, 12 hour days, 7 days a week.
    Everything was fine and I was ok with not seeing him, even though it does suck. I have never been one to not say exactly how I am feeling, and I let him know that I understand his situation, but I do miss him. I did notice a change in him, he got more distant and less with the sweet talk. So I asked him about that and I told him I can deal with his crazy schedule but I need to know that he thinks of me and cares about me. I would still go see him from time to time for the short amount we would have together, mostly just falling asleep together and me having to always go to visit him. I feel I was perfect, being appreciative for what little he could give, but maybe not so perfect in letting him know what was bothering me about the whole thing and adding to his stress.

    Well, after almost 4 months of this, with about a week or so left to go, he makes a comment about how he doesn't know how he feels about me anymore. So, I ask him to clarify. He basically doesn't feel how he think he should feel and does not want to break up because he wants to see if he will get those feeling back after his work schedule goes back to normal. He says he thinks it's the work schedule but doesn't know for sure but definitely doesn't want to break up but needs a break.

    In a normal situation I would see this as the end, but I don't know how much deployment mode plays into all this and how it can affect a person. I am fully willing to be supportive and be there for him and can deal with the schedule but not if he has lost feelings for me. All of my friends tell me to just end it, but they have less experience with deployments than I do.

    Any insight from someone that does would be greatly appreciated.
    aww I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Unless you really love him I would just let him go. It doesn't seem like he even knows what he wants so don't feel obligated to wait around for him to figure it out. And I agree with Trish. It seems like he's making excuses. Long hours come with the job description and that's not going to change no matter how long this "break" takes...




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    #8
    I think we need to start handing out copies of 'He's Just Not That Into You' again.

    Don't waste your time on someone who isn't spending their time on you. He is an immature wimp who is afraid to break things off like a man. You are worth so much more than that!
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by she_lurks View Post
    I think we need to start handing out copies of 'He's Just Not That Into You' again.
    Yes. Yes... and yes.

    I also think there needs to be a sticky for new members reminding that deleting posts is bad form.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by littlemissred View Post
    Yes. Yes... and yes.

    I also think there needs to be a sticky for new members reminding that deleting posts is bad form.
    Can't the mods adjust that so no one can delete posts? It's been awhile since I've moderated a vBulletin but I thought that was an option.
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