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Thread: I just want to get over it...

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    #1

    Sad I just want to get over it...

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    So when ex-DB and I broke up, I also found out that there was another girl claiming to be in a relationship with him (not physical since she was here back in the US and he's in Japan). This is not the first time a girl has claimed that something was going on with her and him. There were 2 other incidents where ex girlfriends of his were writing inappropriate things on his wall and contacting me to find out if we were together/ cause drama. When I confronted him about them he said that they were just trying to stir things up and deleted them off fb and stopped contacting them from what I know. So I chose to believe him those times. After this latest incident happened right after we broke up (but were talking about getting back together for a while) I told him I could not trust him and that's when we finally cut all ties. He gave another half assed explanation that she was trying to cause drama but I just can't accept that anymore even though he did delete her off fb.

    Anyway even though we've stopped talking I'm still so angry and hurt by all this. I still want answers about why he did it? I want to hear him actually admit to what he did because there is still a part of me that wants to believe him. To believe that he didnt lie to me for 2 years. He was the one who wanted to stay together and said he was ready to marry me. I don't understand how you can claim to love someone so much and do that to them. But I don't think I'll ever get those answers. I've even thought about contacting the girls to get their side of the story but 1)I don't want to cause drama and 2) I think I'd still need to hear it from him.

    Ugh I just want to not care anymore. To not feel like an idiot for believing him those times before. To not have that doubt that maybe he really is telling the truth. To stop missing him even though he did what I think he did.

    Now I don't really know what was the point of this post lol. It started with me wanting to ask others how they got over a cheating spouse or any similar situation but I guess it turned into a kind of vent. But advice is welcome.

    I was really busy for the last couple weeks so was able to keep my mind off it but now I have some more free time and it's left me with more time to sit about and think about all this. I found a volunteer group that will hopefully fill some of my time also but the hurt is still always there and the desire for answers that I may never get.
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    #2
    Contacting them won't accomplish anything and he can't give you the answers that you want because the trust is already gone. Sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. It takes time to get over being hurt, he wasn't right for you at this particular time at least.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Jazmine View Post
    Contacting them won't accomplish anything and he can't give you the answers that you want because the trust is already gone. Sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. It takes time to get over being hurt, he wasn't right for you at this particular time at least.
    Thank you. I do think I just have to learn to move on without getting answers.
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    I would contact them. If it gives you closure, why not. Who cares if it causes drama? You're not with him anymore, he won't give you answers and I know it sucks so bad not having that and being able to move on. I really would only contact them if they and your ex aren't in a relationship.
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    #5
    Sorry this happened to you. The only advice I can give you, FWIW, is when I was in a relationship that I ended due to trust issues, I heard some of the same excuses. I didn't want to believe it, so I didn't at first. I can certainly relate to how some girls like to start drama and break people up. When it got to be a recurring pattern with multiple girls, along with some other things, that's when I ended it. I was hurt at first, but found someone much better, and someone I could trust. Would never have found that new person if it wasn't for my ex's behavior.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Reagan View Post
    I would contact them. If it gives you closure, why not. Who cares if it causes drama? You're not with him anymore, he won't give you answers and I know it sucks so bad not having that and being able to move on. I really would only contact them if they and your ex aren't in a relationship.
    I don't know what is or isn't going on with them any longer. They could still be talking or whatever. I think I will just try and leave it alone for now.

    Quote Originally Posted by sldanlm View Post
    Sorry this happened to you. The only advice I can give you, FWIW, is when I was in a relationship that I ended due to trust issues, I heard some of the same excuses. I didn't want to believe it, so I didn't at first. I can certainly relate to how some girls like to start drama and break people up. When it got to be a recurring pattern with multiple girls, along with some other things, that's when I ended it. I was hurt at first, but found someone much better, and someone I could trust. Would never have found that new person if it wasn't for my ex's behavior.
    Thanks for sharing your experience. Here's hoping there's someone else right around the corner for me lol. Its still hard to imagine feeling the same way about someone else as I did for him so I'm not rushing into anything new quite yet.
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    #7


    So sorry to hear that you went through that.

    I agree with Jazmine: let sleeping dogs lie. Even if you tried to get the truth from him, would you really believe that you were getting the truth? It's kind of a vicious cycle, IMO.

    I dated a guy once for only 2 months, but I was pretty head-over-heels from him from the start. After 2 months, he just out of the blue dumped me. When I really pushed for an answer, he said that his ex had contacted him and that he was getting back together with her. After talking with him more, I was fairly certain that he had been seeing her for a few weeks before he actually dumped me. Thankfully, he just dumped me and walked away (no leading me on or other BS). But, I was very, very hurt by the experience. It took a solid 8 to 9 months before I really started to not feel disgruntled/upset about it and that was for a relationship that was only a couple of months!

    Give yourself time. Even the worst heart-ache eases over time.
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    #8
    Im really sorry that happened to you and that you have to deal with it..
    You know sometimes it is better not to have answers because the truth doesnt make it any better or worse.. then I agree will it be the truth? Or will it just be another lie. He not telling you what is going on would answer my questions that there is def something wrong.. I for myself would not like to know more or the exact details.
    try to move on I know either said than done but nobody deserves something like this.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by MissNik View Post


    So sorry to hear that you went through that.

    I agree with Jazmine: let sleeping dogs lie. Even if you tried to get the truth from him, would you really believe that you were getting the truth? It's kind of a vicious cycle, IMO.

    I dated a guy once for only 2 months, but I was pretty head-over-heels from him from the start. After 2 months, he just out of the blue dumped me. When I really pushed for an answer, he said that his ex had contacted him and that he was getting back together with her. After talking with him more, I was fairly certain that he had been seeing her for a few weeks before he actually dumped me. Thankfully, he just dumped me and walked away (no leading me on or other BS). But, I was very, very hurt by the experience. It took a solid 8 to 9 months before I really started to not feel disgruntled/upset about it and that was for a relationship that was only a couple of months!

    Give yourself time. Even the worst heart-ache eases over time.
    Quote Originally Posted by NoraAnna View Post
    Im really sorry that happened to you and that you have to deal with it..
    You know sometimes it is better not to have answers because the truth doesnt make it any better or worse.. then I agree will it be the truth? Or will it just be another lie. He not telling you what is going on would answer my questions that there is def something wrong.. I for myself would not like to know more or the exact details.
    try to move on I know either said than done but nobody deserves something like this.
    Thank you so much for the hugs and good thoughts.. I woke up in a much better mood this morning. O probably just needed a good cry last night. I do think I am just going to leave it alone and hope things just fade away over time.
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    #10
    sometimes a good cry and a good sleep helps a lot. Glad to hear you feel a lil bit better
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