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Thread: How do you start over again after divorce?

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    #1

    How do you start over again after divorce?

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    I used to post/read here often when I was married and during my divorce but kind of stepped away for awhile. The divorce was finalized January 2013. Shortly after I met one nice guy through the internet but quickly found out that he had a mental disorder he wasn't taking his meds for, was an IV drug user and also liked men. Since then I've been single and looking for a nice guy, but I'm just not finding any. I've found that I just don't know how to meet people. Add to that that I mainly work night shifts, and that my ex moved back here with his girlfriend (one of the ones he cheated on me with) not even 5 minutes from my house and so I've avoided going out in case I'd run into them.

    How do you go about meeting guys? I'm starting to feel that it's just not going to happen.
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    #2
    I joined an online dating site, but there just doesn't seem to be anyone I'd be interested in. It's only been a couple months since my divorce was finalized so I'm not in a big rush to find anyone. I'll just let it happen when it happens and focus on myself until it does.
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    #3
    The number one think I can tell you is don't try. The more you try and focus on it the harder it will be, oddly I'm all about focusing on what you want but for some reason when we focus on meeting a guy it comes out all wrong lol.

    So focus on YOU. Focus on doing things you enjoy, spend time with friends, working out, hobbies and making yourself happy and the right guy will be drawn to you. In the meantime you won't be missing out on life and you'll be creating the best version of you possible. Win/win.

    I know I over simplify that.
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    #4
    I joined an online dating site after I felt ready to date and I was having a hard time meeting people IRL. I lived overseas so it was hard to meet people who spoke English.

    It was just kind of secondary though because I wanted to meet people and have fun, I didn't really take it super seriously at the time. Agree that focusing on yourself is the best bet.
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    #5
    I'm working on trying to halt my search. I did sign up for a few dating sites but nothing other than that one guy has really panned out. I'm trying to push things into the back of my mind but I guess it's kind of hard. I'm 27 and I really wanted children and a husband by now, not to be starting over again, so I think I'm just putting pressure on myself which is making this situation seem worse.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Navy_Em View Post
    I used to post/read here often when I was married and during my divorce but kind of stepped away for awhile. The divorce was finalized January 2013. Shortly after I met one nice guy through the internet but quickly found out that he had a mental disorder he wasn't taking his meds for, was an IV drug user and also liked men. Since then I've been single and looking for a nice guy, but I'm just not finding any. I've found that I just don't know how to meet people. Add to that that I mainly work night shifts, and that my ex moved back here with his girlfriend (one of the ones he cheated on me with) not even 5 minutes from my house and so I've avoided going out in case I'd run into them.

    How do you go about meeting guys? I'm starting to feel that it's just not going to happen.
    Stop looking? Seriously, I did the same thing right after my divorce, immediately jumped into a physical relationship with someone, tried an online dating site and met a couple guys, jumped into another physical relationship then started having feelings and that crashed and burned. I stopped looking. I wanted to relearn to love myself so that when I DID want to find someone, I could them a whole me. Of course, shortly after I stopped looking and made big steps in making myself better, E and I really started talking. I've still learned a lot about me and we've worked through a lot of things together in the time we've been together, but ultimately, I stopped looking and focused on me.

    Long story short, I don't know where you are in your post-divorce in regards to taking care of yourself but... best of luck regardless.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Navy_Em View Post
    I'm working on trying to halt my search. I did sign up for a few dating sites but nothing other than that one guy has really panned out. I'm trying to push things into the back of my mind but I guess it's kind of hard. I'm 27 and I really wanted children and a husband by now, not to be starting over again, so I think I'm just putting pressure on myself which is making this situation seem worse.
    Just want to say, I'm in this spot too. I thought I'd be either preggo or trying at this point with my spouse. I have been having terrible baby fever lately. But me personally, I want to do it right next time. Find the man who is going to stick around forever, be a good father, be a fantastic husband, etc. I'm sticking out for that rather than somebody who will just "do".
    I've been known as
    "The Enforcer" and NavyHeart


    Once more into the fray...
    Into the last good fight I'll ever know.
    Live or die on this day...
    Live and die on this day.

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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Navy_Em View Post
    I used to post/read here often when I was married and during my divorce but kind of stepped away for awhile. The divorce was finalized January 2013. Shortly after I met one nice guy through the internet but quickly found out that he had a mental disorder he wasn't taking his meds for, was an IV drug user and also liked men. Since then I've been single and looking for a nice guy, but I'm just not finding any. I've found that I just don't know how to meet people. Add to that that I mainly work night shifts, and that my ex moved back here with his girlfriend (one of the ones he cheated on me with) not even 5 minutes from my house and so I've avoided going out in case I'd run into them.

    How do you go about meeting guys? I'm starting to feel that it's just not going to happen.
    Why are you in a rush? Enjoy your free time, a home to yourself, your friendships, and your hobbies! I promise you - it will happen for you, whether you're looking or not. Do you have any friendships you can lean on in your spare time? Maybe they have some male friends that are available? Maybe join a dating website, and look strictly for platonic friendships at first? Just my two cents. 6 weeks after I left exdh, I met my now DB. It was a whirlwind. Sometimes I wish I had the down time in between to get my self together. But things happen when you least expect it!
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Alilyoyo1 View Post
    The number one think I can tell you is don't try. The more you try and focus on it the harder it will be, oddly I'm all about focusing on what you want but for some reason when we focus on meeting a guy it comes out all wrong lol.

    So focus on YOU. Focus on doing things you enjoy, spend time with friends, working out, hobbies and making yourself happy and the right guy will be drawn to you. In the meantime you won't be missing out on life and you'll be creating the best version of you possible. Win/win.

    I know I over simplify that.
    Good advice.
    Do things that make you happy and you're likely to meet someone along the way with similar interests. In the meantime, you'll become more fulfilled with yourself.


    “It always seems impossible until it's done.”
    ― Nelson Mandela
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    #10
    Thanks for the responses I feel that I have given myself enough time, but I guess putting pressure on myself is really not helping things along either.

    Time to be patient and find some new hobbies.
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