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Thread: Breakup before deployment

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    Breakup before deployment

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    Hi everyone! So I am completely new to the military life and being in a relationship with a marine. I met mine in November and we decided to pursue the relationship even though he was set to deploy to Italy in January. Everything was really great at first but as it got closer to his date to leave he started to pull away and tell me he doesn't trust me here. I did everything I could to let him know I would never hurt him while he was away but it did not work, and one random day i received a text message saying it was over, we were too different, and it would't work. Of course i was hurt and I tried to talk to him, and he kept coming back with I don't think you care about me then the next day it'd be you're not the right person for me. This was really hard as I'm on the west coast and he's on the east coast, but i was set to go see him leave for deployment right before i got this message. Finally i just backed off completely three weeks before he deployed didn't talk to him at all, and the day he deployed i sent him a fb message saying thinking about you good luck on your deployment. He didn't respond and i let it go, that was the beginning of January. My best friend dates his best friend and she saw him off on the day he deployed, and he told her the night before how he doesn't think i care about him etc. So I let him settle in deployment, and i got his address from his mom and sent him a care package with a card that just said i was thinking about you, hope you are safe etc. Nothing about us or a relationship etc, it was more of a nice gesture to show i cared. Well he found out i got his address and before the package arrived he flipped out on me thru fb, told me he'll send the package back, there is nothing there for me, and he doesn't care if i care. I mean it was such hateful messages i was in shock and completely like where did this guy come from? I responded nicely and said okay if you want send it back or give it to other soldiers. He then blocked me from fb but the next day unblocked me. I decided to just remove my fb to prevent anymore messages and be able to just move on myself, because I am not going to let him treat me that way but I'm just shocked and confused. I care about him but I have no idea if deployment is making him so angry or what the deal is. I have not done anything to make him angry at me or hate me, so I'm curious if anyone has dealt with something similar. I will not contact him again of course but I'm worried if he contacts me do i ignore him? I guess Im a little scared ill never hear from him again and this is how its left, and my package hasn't even arrived yet. lol I honestly just don't know what to make of it. Any advice would be great. Thank you.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by cecerenee11 View Post
    Hi everyone! So I am completely new to the military life and being in a relationship with a marine. I met mine in November and we decided to pursue the relationship even though he was set to deploy to Italy in January. Everything was really great at first but as it got closer to his date to leave he started to pull away and tell me he doesn't trust me here. I did everything I could to let him know I would never hurt him while he was away but it did not work, and one random day i received a text message saying it was over, we were too different, and it would't work. Of course i was hurt and I tried to talk to him, and he kept coming back with I don't think you care about me then the next day it'd be you're not the right person for me. This was really hard as I'm on the west coast and he's on the east coast, but i was set to go see him leave for deployment right before i got this message. Finally i just backed off completely three weeks before he deployed didn't talk to him at all, and the day he deployed i sent him a fb message saying thinking about you good luck on your deployment. He didn't respond and i let it go, that was the beginning of January. My best friend dates his best friend and she saw him off on the day he deployed, and he told her the night before how he doesn't think i care about him etc. So I let him settle in deployment, and i got his address from his mom and sent him a care package with a card that just said i was thinking about you, hope you are safe etc. Nothing about us or a relationship etc, it was more of a nice gesture to show i cared. Well he found out i got his address and before the package arrived he flipped out on me thru fb, told me he'll send the package back, there is nothing there for me, and he doesn't care if i care. I mean it was such hateful messages i was in shock and completely like where did this guy come from? I responded nicely and said okay if you want send it back or give it to other soldiers. He then blocked me from fb but the next day unblocked me. I decided to just remove my fb to prevent anymore messages and be able to just move on myself, because I am not going to let him treat me that way but I'm just shocked and confused. I care about him but I have no idea if deployment is making him so angry or what the deal is. I have not done anything to make him angry at me or hate me, so I'm curious if anyone has dealt with something similar. I will not contact him again of course but I'm worried if he contacts me do i ignore him? I guess Im a little scared ill never hear from him again and this is how its left, and my package hasn't even arrived yet. lol I honestly just don't know what to make of it. Any advice would be great. Thank you.
    How long is he gone? I'm a little confused about "deploying to Italy." Is he on a float in the Mediterranean? Or embassy duty in Italy?

    My gut reaction is that he wants to go to Italy as a single guy and have freedom to do whatever he wants. But instead of admitting that, he's blaming you.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by be: pistachio View Post
    How long is he gone? I'm a little confused about "deploying to Italy." Is he on a float in the Mediterranean? Or embassy duty in Italy?

    My gut reaction is that he wants to go to Italy as a single guy and have freedom to do whatever he wants. But instead of admitting that, he's blaming you.

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    #4
    I would just ignore him if he ever contacted me again. Honestly, he's been kind of a jerk. Why allow that back in your life in any way? Ignore.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #5
    You met in November, he was to deploy in January and three weeks before the deployment things were bad --- Nov to three weeks before his deployment in January is barely more than a month or two ----- given his attitude and the things you say he has done and said I'd say you've already invested too much time in him.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by be: pistachio View Post
    How long is he gone? I'm a little confused about "deploying to Italy." Is he on a float in the Mediterranean? Or embassy duty in Italy?

    My gut reaction is that he wants to go to Italy as a single guy and have freedom to do whatever he wants. But instead of admitting that, he's blaming you.

    My DB is currently deployed in Italy and I can tell you they're not on a ship. Not sure what I can say due to OPSEC but I definitely agree with your point. The location that my DB is at, he would be enjoying it if he was single, if that makes any sense. I can see a guy wanting to be single over there.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Ol' Grey Mare View Post
    You met in November, he was to deploy in January and three weeks before the deployment things were bad --- Nov to three weeks before his deployment in January is barely more than a month or two ----- given his attitude and the things you say he has done and said I'd say you've already invested too much time in him.
    Yeah this. Besides you said you're on the west coast and he's on the east coast. How much time have you actually spent together in person? I agree, he probably wants to be single, and I wouldn't worry about him contacting me....from what you're describing he's done and I doubt he will contact you again to be honest. He made it clear he doesn't want you in his life and to be honest, sending him packages is being a bit pushy. Just leave the guy alone.
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    #8
    I am so tired of deployment being used as an excuse for women to settle for this behavior (not saying you are, just a general rant about it.)

    Respect yourself enough to drop this guy from every aspect of your life. Sounds like he tried to let you off easy, you stuck around too much for his liking, so now he's taking another route. Move on.

    be cool.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley. View Post
    I am so tired of deployment being used as an excuse for women to settle for this behavior (not saying you are, just a general rant about it.)

    Respect yourself enough to drop this guy from every aspect of your life. Sounds like he tried to let you off easy, you stuck around too much for his liking, so now he's taking another route. Move on.
    This! Ugh so many deployment dumpings and men being let off the hook because "maybe he's scared." If you wouldn't put up with him treating you this way in person don't take it from a distance.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by be: pistachio View Post
    How long is he gone? I'm a little confused about "deploying to Italy." Is he on a float in the Mediterranean? Or embassy duty in Italy?

    My gut reaction is that he wants to go to Italy as a single guy and have freedom to do whatever he wants. But instead of admitting that, he's blaming you.
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    I would just ignore him if he ever contacted me again. Honestly, he's been kind of a jerk. Why allow that back in your life in any way? Ignore.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ol' Grey Mare View Post
    You met in November, he was to deploy in January and three weeks before the deployment things were bad --- Nov to three weeks before his deployment in January is barely more than a month or two ----- given his attitude and the things you say he has done and said I'd say you've already invested too much time in him.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ashley. View Post
    I am so tired of deployment being used as an excuse for women to settle for this behavior (not saying you are, just a general rant about it.)

    Respect yourself enough to drop this guy from every aspect of your life. Sounds like he tried to let you off easy, you stuck around too much for his liking, so now he's taking another route. Move on.
    Quote Originally Posted by Candice. View Post
    This! Ugh so many deployment dumpings and men being let off the hook because "maybe he's scared." If you wouldn't put up with him treating you this way in person don't take it from a distance.

    ditto...sounds like he wasn't as invested as you were and as you think he was. Perhaps its for the best in the long run. Just count your losses and move on. if he comes back then you can decide if you want to stick with a guy that will drop you like a hot rock when things in his life changes (move, deployments, etc).
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