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Thread: Seeking Divorce Advice

  1. Regular Member
    takeme2nvrland12's Avatar
    takeme2nvrland12 is offline
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    Apr 2010

    Seeking Divorce Advice

    Hi everyone.

    It's been a long time since my last post, but to sum things up, my husband of almost 3 years has decided he wants a divorce. He had originally kicked me and my then newborn son out of the house almost a year ago. After 6 months apart, I ended up moving back in with him. Things never got better, only worse. I finally decided to put my foot down and I moved out and into my own apartment a week ago.

    We said we would take a year apart to work out our issues with hopes of getting back together in a year. In this past week, all we have done is fight, mostly about money, because he doesn't want to give me much to support my son and I. I had quit my job to have my son because my husband wanted me to stay at home. Now he is calling me a leech and telling me I need a job so he doesn't have to pay me as much to support my son and I. When he first kicked us out almost a year ago, he didn't give me a penny for the entire 6 months I was gone. Now he wants to give me barely anything and has since decided that he would rather get a divorce than pay me the amount I was asking for. At this point, I don't feel like trying to change his mind. It's clear we aren't meant to be together and our relationship is toxic. My son deserves better than this so I am willing to get the divorce.

    My question is what happens now? Do I wait for him to file and send me the papers? He said he doesn't want custody of our son, just visitations, but I'm afraid things will get nasty and that he will try to take him from me. My husband is a not a nice person at all, and he can be extremely aggressive and violent. I want to make sure that he won't take my son away from me. Would it be best for me to file for divorce first so that I can come up with an agreement for custody and everything else? I feel so lost about what to do. I just want to make sure that my husband won't take my son, as I know he will not treat him right. Any advice would be so greatly appreciated!!
  2. Senior Member
    Oh♥Merlot's Avatar
    Oh♥Merlot is offline
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    Jun 2011
    I am a divorced mom - it's hard, but you sound like you will be far better off without him in your life. In regards on how to go about things - - Seek counsel immediately. is a great site to find representation. Be prepared to pay a retainer (Mine was $3,000) to your attorney. Once you meet with an attorney (usually consultations are free) you can submit papers for an emergency hearing to disclose temporary orders for custody and child support. He will be mandated to pay child support, and depending on your state, it is usually about 25-33% of his income.

    In regards to custody, he can go for split - however, it does not mean a judge will grant it. My ex husband only wanted visitation as well, and sees him one night a week, and every other weekend. It depends on a lot.

    It's not an easy process - speaking from experience. My exDH is still VERY bitter and angry, but it is what it is. You will find someone who is totally deserving of you someday.
  3. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is offline
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    Aug 2009
    No need to wait for him to file. Contact a divorce and do it yourself. It isn't going to give you the upper hand in coming up with the custody agreement, but it sounds like you are going to need a lawyer regardless, so you might as well get one now and get the ball rolling, rather than having to wait around for his timeline.

    So, find a lawyer and he can best advise you on next steps.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
  4. I miss Target & Trader Joe's, open roads & the smell of home
    be: pistachio's Avatar
    be: pistachio is offline
    I miss Target & Trader Joe's, open roads & the smell of home
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    Nov 2012
    Let's be honest; Okinawa is not Japan.

    Get a lawyer now. Let your lawyer strategize filing time, custody agreements, etc.

    Lawyers Find A Lawyer, Law Firm, Attorney & Legal Services: martindale. Is another good site. I personally would look for some certified as a family law specialist, if possible. And word of mouth, if you know people.
  5. Senior Member
    Sara87's Avatar
    Sara87 is offline
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    Nov 2010
    First off, many Secondly, I agree with the other ladies, do not wait for him to file. Get an attorney and start the process yourself.

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