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Thread: Ok, I am very new here,...

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Ok, I am very new here,...

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    so new this is my very first post. I am in a situation that i need to express my feelings but i can not express them to anyone i know. My husband has been deployed since June 1, 2013 and will be coming home in April 2014. Before he left i had doubts if i was really happy in my marriage or not. Well naturally i have had time to think our marriage over. I do not feel as if things will change when he gets home, may only get worse. He is a good man i just am not happy anymore. I have met someone else. I am not having an affair or anything but i do enjoy the company and conversations with this guy, I actual believe i have strong feelings for him. I have found myself longing for this other guy but I am scared to leave my husband in fear of how everyone will look at me for leaving him. I am sorry i just blabbed on and on with my first post. I just am really looking for someone that i can talk to about things and posting here might help.. I HOPE!

    My heartaches at the whole situation. Thanks for letting me vent!!!
  2. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #2
    Welcome to MSOS, please introduce yourself in the newbies section when you have a chance.

    As someone who's been through divorce I'll say this ... I do think you owe it to your husband to tell him the truth. If you would leave him for another man if you weren't afraid that it would make you look bad, he deserves to know that. Yes, chances are likely he'll want to be with someone who loves him and isn't just staying with him because of appearances, but doesn't he deserve that? And you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy too.
  3. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by MrsGwinn228 View Post
    so new this is my very first post. I am in a situation that i need to express my feelings but i can not express them to anyone i know. My husband has been deployed since June 1, 2013 and will be coming home in April 2014. Before he left i had doubts if i was really happy in my marriage or not. Well naturally i have had time to think our marriage over. I do not feel as if things will change when he gets home, may only get worse. He is a good man i just am not happy anymore. I have met someone else. I am not having an affair or anything but i do enjoy the company and conversations with this guy, I actual believe i have strong feelings for him. I have found myself longing for this other guy but I am scared to leave my husband in fear of how everyone will look at me for leaving him. I am sorry i just blabbed on and on with my first post. I just am really looking for someone that i can talk to about things and posting here might help.. I HOPE!

    My heartaches at the whole situation. Thanks for letting me vent!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    Welcome to MSOS, please introduce yourself in the newbies section when you have a chance.

    As someone who's been through divorce I'll say this ... I do think you owe it to your husband to tell him the truth. If you would leave him for another man if you weren't afraid that it would make you look bad, he deserves to know that. Yes, chances are likely he'll want to be with someone who loves him and isn't just staying with him because of appearances, but doesn't he deserve that? And you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy too.

    completely.
  4. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
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    #4
    Did you meet this man while he was deployed?

    Is it possible that due to the deployed you felt you had to find this 'love'?

    It is hard to say how your marriage and husband will be when he returns. Deployment could have changed him, or it could have not.

    I think you owe it to your husband to first try to see if the marriage can be fixed before just jumping and leaving.

    You have to decide if this new man was found because of loneliness and distance, or not.

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
  5. Banned
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by TrishAFSpouse View Post
    Did you meet this man while he was deployed?

    Is it possible that due to the deployed you felt you had to find this 'love'?

    It is hard to say how your marriage and husband will be when he returns. Deployment could have changed him, or it could have not.

    I think you owe it to your husband to first try to see if the marriage can be fixed before just jumping and leaving.

    You have to decide if this new man was found because of loneliness and distance, or not.
    I agree with this.
  6. Senior Member
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by TrishAFSpouse View Post
    Did you meet this man while he was deployed?

    Is it possible that due to the deployed you felt you had to find this 'love'?

    It is hard to say how your marriage and husband will be when he returns. Deployment could have changed him, or it could have not.

    I think you owe it to your husband to first try to see if the marriage can be fixed before just jumping and leaving.


    You have to decide if this new man was found because of loneliness and distance, or not.
    I agree, especially to the bolded.
  7. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #7
    What doubts was it you were having before he deployed? Did you communicate those feelings to your husband and, if so, what did the two of you do to address them?
  8. OG Member
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    #8
    OP is sounds as though you're having an emotional affair. I think to be fair to your DH you need to inform him of what's going on and deal with appearances later. This is the man you married so you should be more worried about his feelings than what you'll look like in the process.

    *I* would cut communications with the other guy, tell DH what's been going on, then wait until he got home from deployment to see if we could work things out. If you both decide divorce is the right course of action then do so and if at the end of all that you feel you're ready to move onto the other guy then do so because you deserve to be happy too. But don't jump from one relationship into another one before the first is finished because that's not fair to anyone in the situation.


  9. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by April Lynne View Post
    OP is sounds as though you're having an emotional affair. I think to be fair to your DH you need to inform him of what's going on and deal with appearances later. This is the man you married so you should be more worried about his feelings than what you'll look like in the process.

    *I* would cut communications with the other guy, tell DH what's been going on, then wait until he got home from deployment to see if we could work things out. If you both decide divorce is the right course of action then do so and if at the end of all that you feel you're ready to move onto the other guy then do so because you deserve to be happy too. But don't jump from one relationship into another one before the first is finished because that's not fair to anyone in the situation.
  10. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by April Lynne View Post
    OP is sounds as though you're having an emotional affair. I think to be fair to your DH you need to inform him of what's going on and deal with appearances later. This is the man you married so you should be more worried about his feelings than what you'll look like in the process.

    *I* would cut communications with the other guy, tell DH what's been going on, then wait until he got home from deployment to see if we could work things out. If you both decide divorce is the right course of action then do so and if at the end of all that you feel you're ready to move onto the other guy then do so because you deserve to be happy too. But don't jump from one relationship into another one before the first is finished because that's not fair to anyone in the situation.
    Agree, except I wouldn't tell my husband about it until he returned. But i'd definitely cut it off with the new guy, wait for him to come home, tell him what has happened and see if the marriage is doomed or salvaged.

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
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