Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13

Thread: Get out of my head

  1. Senior Member
    Sara87's Avatar
    Sara87 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    1,513
    #1

    Get out of my head

    Advertisements
    I know everyone is different, but for those that have been through a divorce or even a break up after being with someone for years, how long did it take you to really move on and stop thinking about them on a daily basis? The divorce was finalized a couple weeks ago, but the marriage has been over with since August. Even though he cheated on me and lied constantly, I still canít stop thinking about him and some of the good times we had together. I definitely don't want to be with him, but I just cannot stop thinking about him Nights are the worst when I go to bed alone. I miss him and this week Iíve been having dreams about him. Iím taking up hobbies and trying to hang out with my best friend more often so that I donít have as much down time to let my mind wander. Thankfully, I donít cry over him anymore, but I just want to stop thinking about him so much. So for those of you who have gone through divorce or have had tough breakups how long did it take you to move on and what did you do to help you move on?
  2. Banned
    Reagan's Avatar
    Reagan is offline
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    5,960
    #2
    It took about 6 months. Honestly, I hate to say it, it wasn't until I met DB that I stopped thinking about my ex on a daily basis. I wasn't ready for that first date with him, thought I'd never be able to get over my ex, thought it was unfair to go on a date, etc. But we hit it off in a way I never thought possible and after that, my ex wasn't even on my mind anymore. I still think about him every now and then, but never missing him for a second. More like "OMG what the hell was I thinking" kinda way.
  3. Account Closed
    marvies's Avatar
    marvies is offline
    Account Closed
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    4,752
    #3
    Since I was the one to ask for the divorce, I was initially over him for a very long time before that. It's easy for me not to think of him because I just absolutely resent him. I'm sorry your in pain though, I think it just takes time, and keeping busy so your not constantly thinking of him.
  4. Senior Member
    Kirst's Avatar
    Kirst is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    3,151
    Blog Entries
    2
    #4
    I was pretty over him when we broke up. But the anger and resentment is still kinda there. But I have to remember why I broke up with him and remind myself of how awesome my life is now or will be without him. Plus, I have DB and I've never felt this way with anyone else before so he definitely helps. I had to recognize that he is officially my past and my life is now my own without him intervening anymore. I felt like I had a blank canvas and I was free to do what I wanted and I CHOSE to be happy. Once I found happiness in my single life, the less I thought of him because I was so concentrated on myself.
  5. Senior Member
    smileygirl's Avatar
    smileygirl is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Posts
    355
    #5
    It was hard for me to move on from ex-db and I don't think I truly stopped thinking about him daily until I met DF. I still think of him every once and a while, but its not missing him its more just that I hope he's doing well. I'll drive by his street and it will trigger a memory but its never that I want him back or that I miss him.
  6. MilitarySOS Jewel
    Pina's Avatar
    Pina is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Canada / North Dakota
    Posts
    1,185



    #6
    I was married to my ex for 11 years. We were divorced in 1991 and to this day I still have an occasional dream about him. I think it took about a year so that my thoughts were free, and because we have a son he is always "connected" so to speak. We are both remarried now and are fb friends, but aside from that and the odd dream, he doesn't occupy my thoughts very often at all.
    A.K.A. missstick
  7. Senior Member
    Alilyoyo1's Avatar
    Alilyoyo1 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    696
    #7
    I have 2 perspectives for you.
    My first ex was terrible. I should have never married him. He was abusive, cheat, etc and after being together for 4 years, then married for 3 I asked for the divorce. I think I mentioned people think I'm less emotional etc in my intro but they didn't see me in this. I felt guilt and fear of being alone. I had to seek therapy and actually went on Paxil and Xanax. Some because of that but a lot because of him, he stalked me, threatened me, etc. But for months and months I would think ohhh that's so cool I should call Michael, etc. I met my 2nd ex hsuband 3 months after michael moved out. I still saw the therapist for 6 months. I think I blocked him out partially because after about 3 years he emailed me doing his "ammends" and the minute I saw his name I burst into tears.

    My 2nd ex and i were together for 13 years. (ssshhhh I'm starting to show my age). We were like best friends instantly and he told me from day one i was perfect. It was crazy I broke something that was suppose to be a cycle, in abusive relationship after abusive relationship. Until the day rob told me he wanted a divorce he said i was perfect beautiful amazing, etc....so he ended that. He moved out Jan 21 2012. and was back with his ex already. I cried non-stop for 2 weeks. It slowed down but I never went back on anti-depressants. I think maybe 5 months later I was realizing it was the best thing. He wanted to remain friends but went back and forth with blocking me on FB etc. I pretty much was moved on by that May but occasionally I would think was there somethign I could have done differently? Now I realize he's a total douchewagon, friends isn't even possible.

    My secret of course its easier because I went through an AWFUL situation with the first ex. I just kept telling myself I'm strong, I made it through Michael I can make it through anything. I am who I am because of the things I have been through, good AND bad.

    Just try and turn your focus back on you. Your job, kids, family, friends, etc. I have grown a lot. I am a bit of a nutbird but I don't think w/o living through what I have I would have been "ready" for Spencer. If that makes sense. Every step you take should be take you to the next level of your life. Happiness IS a choice. It sounds cliche and hard to comprehend but its true but nothing just happens. You have to practice it. I always say fake it til you make it. You can't control the situation but you can control your reaction to it. You can control your thoughts. So when something is getting you down do something else like go for a run something that will FORCE your thought process to change. I don't suggest reading or listening to music. Put everything from that time away or sell it even.

    Good luck. we're all different but you will grow and bloom into a new creature after this if you keep moving forward! I promise.


    Yes yes yes I know I'm a big ol cheesey poof
  8. Senior Member
    belovedreamery's Avatar
    belovedreamery is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    3,347
    Blog Entries
    7
    #8
    It took me 3 weeks before I stopped thinking about my ex daily. I was with him for almost 5 years & the last few were huge roller coaster rides. Yay so happy then omg so heartbroken. I was panicked & anxious all the time. I didn't trust him, he didn't trust me, relationship was over way before we broke up, but we kept thinking that things will get better. He dumped me, threw out all the stuff I'd in his apt (we were LD so I couldn't get it myself). Oh, we were on a cell phone family plan, he used my upgrade, had me unknowingly pay for someone else's phone bill for the last 6 months in our relationship, etc etc... I still sometimes dream about being stuck with him or him emotionally abusing me. It's different for everyone, but what worked for me was focusing on my career, forcing myself to start dating & hanging out with my friends more.

    I highly recommend giving yourself a timeline. With ex, I allowed myself 1 day to cry & 1 month to bitch about him to anyone who would listen. Afterwards, I wasn't allowed to feel sorry for myself.

    Sometimes I think about him as in,"Wow... most of his friends are now really good friends with me, I wonder if they feel awkward/bad" or "I'm so glad I'm not marrying him, what was I thinking?"
    "You think you know what you're looking for, till what you're looking for finds you."
  9. Account Closed
    GingerGirl15's Avatar
    GingerGirl15 is offline
    Account Closed
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    MD
    Posts
    3,410
    #9
    With my first boyfriend it took a long while to not think about him in that way/ still think what if (likes years long). I think the fact that we still kept talking and flirting, etc didn't help. With current exDB, its been almost 2 months (we only atopped talking about 2 weeks ago though) and I still think about him/miss him daily. One reason I did the whole completely cutting contact this time was in the hope it would help me get over him faster. I still have to remind myself everyday that there is a reason we broke up, especially since he tried hard for us to get back together. I don't think I'll be completely over him for a while or until I meet someone and fall in love/get into a fulfilling relationship soon. We were together for 2 years.

    I think everyone is different. I have friends who've moved on in a matter of weeks. But I know that's just not me. I have trouble letting go.
  10. Senior Member
    Sara87's Avatar
    Sara87 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    1,513
    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Alilyoyo1 View Post
    I have 2 perspectives for you.
    My first ex was terrible. I should have never married him. He was abusive, cheat, etc and after being together for 4 years, then married for 3 I asked for the divorce. I think I mentioned people think I'm less emotional etc in my intro but they didn't see me in this. I felt guilt and fear of being alone. I had to seek therapy and actually went on Paxil and Xanax. Some because of that but a lot because of him, he stalked me, threatened me, etc. But for months and months I would think ohhh that's so cool I should call Michael, etc. I met my 2nd ex hsuband 3 months after michael moved out. I still saw the therapist for 6 months. I think I blocked him out partially because after about 3 years he emailed me doing his "ammends" and the minute I saw his name I burst into tears.

    My 2nd ex and i were together for 13 years. (ssshhhh I'm starting to show my age). We were like best friends instantly and he told me from day one i was perfect. It was crazy I broke something that was suppose to be a cycle, in abusive relationship after abusive relationship. Until the day rob told me he wanted a divorce he said i was perfect beautiful amazing, etc....so he ended that. He moved out Jan 21 2012. and was back with his ex already. I cried non-stop for 2 weeks. It slowed down but I never went back on anti-depressants. I think maybe 5 months later I was realizing it was the best thing. He wanted to remain friends but went back and forth with blocking me on FB etc. I pretty much was moved on by that May but occasionally I would think was there somethign I could have done differently? Now I realize he's a total douchewagon, friends isn't even possible.

    My secret of course its easier because I went through an AWFUL situation with the first ex. I just kept telling myself I'm strong, I made it through Michael I can make it through anything. I am who I am because of the things I have been through, good AND bad.

    Just try and turn your focus back on you. Your job, kids, family, friends, etc. I have grown a lot. I am a bit of a nutbird but I don't think w/o living through what I have I would have been "ready" for Spencer. If that makes sense. Every step you take should be take you to the next level of your life. Happiness IS a choice. It sounds cliche and hard to comprehend but its true but nothing just happens. You have to practice it. I always say fake it til you make it. You can't control the situation but you can control your reaction to it. You can control your thoughts. So when something is getting you down do something else like go for a run something that will FORCE your thought process to change. I don't suggest reading or listening to music. Put everything from that time away or sell it even.

    Good luck. we're all different but you will grow and bloom into a new creature after this if you keep moving forward! I promise.


    Yes yes yes I know I'm a big ol cheesey poof
    Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am in counseling and have been through a depression management class and am finally working on myself and my reactions to certain things. I sometimes wonder what I could have done differently too, but then I remind myself that I tried to make it work and he just gave up and sought other women. It's just that the hardest part for me is when I go to bed and feel extremely lonely and start remembering the good moments we did have. I'm hoping that will go away soon though.
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •