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Thread: Cutting Ties..

  1. Transfusion Service Tech
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    #1

    Cutting Ties..

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    I feel like an idiot right now. I'm slightly emotional over the fact that Soon to be ex-MIL has deleted me from FB. As did her boyfriend. STB-Ex DH and I are still friends, as we talked about, so I guess it's whatever. But add that to me seeing pictures of my dog having fun without me makes it kind of difficult. I guess I didn't expect to grieve the loss of certain relationships whether they were particularly strong or not.

    It's just weird because my dad, stepmom and stepmom's sister are still friends with her, as of now. It just feels like a blow I guess because she's such a mild-mannered person that I guess I expected to be the one to be deleting her and others.
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    #2
    I felt that way when ex-DH's family and friends un-friended me. It was such a punch in the stomach, especially with his mom, because while he was with me, I really encouraged him to become closer to his mother. Before I entered the picture, they had a really strained relationship, and at one point she thanked me for being so instrumental in helping them get to a better place.

    I guess it really hurt too because my mom wrote my ex-DH a really sweet note (this was before I told her the entire story about why we were splitting) and basically said that even though I was her daughter, that she'd always be there if he wanted to continue his relationship with her.

    Try not to take it personally. For many people, navigating the waters during a divorce is really hard. Mutual friends and family members have different ways of dealing with it, and while I was initially hurt, I realized in the end it didn't matter, since the likelihood of me seeing those people ever again was infinitesimal. Still, it sucks, and it hurts your feelings, and I'm sorry you're experiencing that.
  3. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #3
    I actually got along with my exH's mom really well, even though we're not friends now I did miss getting to talk to her. Sometimes I still think about and wonder how she's doing.

    I think it's normal to feel sad that those ties are being cut. I do agree that it is best to try not to take it personally (easier said than done, I know). Divorce is really hard because like you said, there is a grieving process and it's often not just one person that you lose from your life. I'm sure your MIL is hurting too ... maybe for her she just needs some time and space.
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    #4
    I wasn't married but it completely broke my heart to cut ties with my ex DF mom and his sister. I was so close to both of them, and I never even had the heart to tell his mom the things he did to me. His mom didn't have a fb but his sister did, and I made the choice to delete her, even though it killed me. I didn't love them any less, I just felt like it was time and the right thing to do. I stopped texting and calling his mom and that, too, was so so hard. I just felt like I needed to do it to heal and it hurt me to see his sister post things and have his mom text me. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't take it personally, it may just be her way to cope.
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    #5
    I felt similarly this Christmas, seeing all the photos of the family together without me. It just really hit home that I'm not part of their lives anymore. It definitely stung.
  6. 1/2 hippie, 1/2 diva... all Jersey
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    #6


    I lost several friends, and had to grieve the loss of some (certainly not all) of my exH's family. It definitely sucks. I'm sorry you are going through this.

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    #7
    That hurts. Thankfully my ex's mom (who I think I loved more than him) kept me as her FB friend. She still comments on my photos sometimes. His sister kept me as a friend as well, though I'm just waiting on the day that she deletes me, because let's face it, I'll probably never see her again. I'm still holding out hope that I'll see his mom again one day. It is a real reality check when people actively take you out of their lives, and it is NOT a good feeling. It'll get easier with time
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    #8
    My xH just recently deleted me oh FB and it kinda bothered me. I haven't spoken to him in a while but its just weird that he randomly deleted me now after being divorced 5yrs. My Mom and his Mom are FB friends and they sometimes talk. I dunno I thought it was nice that we were still FB friends even though we didnt work out married. Maybe his gf now didn't like us being "friends".
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    #9
    grieving the loss of not only an ex but their family and shared friends is very difficult. It was one of the most difficult things for me, to be honest. I lived with my in laws for 9 months while my xdh was deployed, and although it certainly wasn't rainbows and butterflies, I still had a strong relationship with them. Although I did most of the deleting on FB, they were happy to cut me from their lives anyways. I know it hurts now but I know it will get easier in time for you.

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