Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Pre-Deployment Breakup

  1. Fresh Newbie
    trina's Avatar
    trina is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Posts
    1
    #1

    Pre-Deployment Breakup

    Advertisements
    Hi Everyone,
    I'm new and feel a little silly writing on here. I'm just sad and need some advice. I have been dating a guy for about 5 months and he is about to deploy in a month. He recently broke up with me saying that he was kind of fading everything out and that he didn't know if we would make it for the 10 months he is gone. I had worried before about that too because I don't want to wait on someone for that long if we aren't in such a serious place because we haven't been dating long. He said he couldn't be emotionally invested or worry about what was going on at home. Then he texts me some the next week. We ended up skyping for an hour and a half a week after the break up and he told me that he missed me and that he we could maybe see how it goes and date again. We end up talking the whole week like normal but when he was home for predeployment visiting with his family he didn't talk to me much and didn't see me when he could have (we are in a long distance relationship and his hometown is closer to me). We had a great relationship, no fights really, and he's treated me better than any other guy ever has. I honestly don't know what to do, how to get over him, and am wondering if he's going to try to talk to me once he's deployed. I just want to know if other people go through this or if this is just a cop out. Thank you for any advice!
  2. Senior Member
    lovely's Avatar
    lovely is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    4,024
    #2
    OP, I have seen many people going through the same thing .The best advice I can give is focusing on yourself now and continue to live your life the way you did before him .Not saying to give up completely on him but you also should take care of your own heart .Im sure you heard this before 'If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.'' Hope you get to feel better soon and hugs !
  3. Regular Member
    Alexandria♥'s Avatar
    Alexandria♥ is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    230
    #3
    "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" (Most of time). Correct me if I'm wrong but from it sounds like there are still some emotions that should be sorted out between you guys. You don't seem entirely set that this is the end of your relationship. Is this true? I think he panicked which is why he wanted to break things off. Just shooting in the dark. If he wants to talk while he's gone he could definitely use a friendly face in the states but be careful not to get dragged back in to being more than just friends. Stick with your choice and live your life how you want to
  4. Regular Member
    Alexandria♥'s Avatar
    Alexandria♥ is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    230
    #4
  5. Senior Member
    snowangel729's Avatar
    snowangel729 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    531
    #5
    Oh no! Hugs!
  6. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
    Tojai's Avatar
    Tojai is offline
    Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    St. Pete FL
    Posts
    30,026


    #6
    Honestly I would take him at his word. He doesnt' want to be in a relationship and he chose not to spend time with you when he had the chance. To me that would be all I need to know. You can find someone who DOES want to be with you and who WILL want to spend time with you and who cares enough to be emotionally invested in how you feel.

    He may try to talk to you when he's deployed because it seems like he likes to lean on you when he needs support. Whether that's a role you want to play is your choice. Personally for me I need to break it off and have some time to myself before I can be friends, but everyone is different.
  7. Fresh Newbie
    kellye1020's Avatar
    kellye1020 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    2
    #7

    Help Right where are you

    Hi,

    I am new to this site and saw this. I am currently going through something very similar: 3 months ago I began dating a wonderful man who I've known for 20 years but recently only 3 months ago re-connected with. We fell for each other very hard and VERY fast. We both have children, have been single for a while as we both have a lot of baggage. He has been in the service for a long time and was cheated on (while he was married) when he was stationed over in Afghanistan. He is deploying again in a few weeks. We ended up having a fight a few weeks ago (basically because we both are trying to deal with our feelings and the situation) and since then we have spoken only once-and that was for him to say that he wants to be with me with, can see a life with me but when he comes back. Between his kids (who are having a hard time with this) and his Unit, he has to focus on them. I am trying to be as understanding as I can be but selfishly I want to see him before he goes, I want him to know without a shadow of a doubt that he is WORTH waiting for-and that no matter what I will be here. But I feel like he is in complete shut down mode and I don't want to reach out to him first, as we left it as we will email, Facebook and communicate when he is over there. He is giving up so much and is sacrificing a lot. He is a VERY good man with a great heart but when it comes to relationships/emotional stuff, he is (and has admitted several times) a cripple. So I am trying to deal with this the best I can but it's hard. It's hard as hell. I hope that things have worked out for you guys-can you give an update as to what's happened?
  8. Regular Member
    SF1029's Avatar
    SF1029 is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Posts
    92
    #8
    Good luck, that's a hard situation you're in. If the relationship is uncertain, that's a long time to wait. It would be disappointing if things didn't work out. If you know that the relationship isn't going to work, then that is time that you could be using to focus on yourself and move on.

    On the other hand, I totally imagine that so much goes through a guy's head when he learns he is being deployed. He might be trying to distance himself from you so that he can shield you from some of that. He may be scared about the relationship or feel guilty that he has to leave you. And of course from his perspective, the deployment is just a very big life change - maybe he needs time to work that out.

    So I think the bottom line, as others have said, is focus on yourself. Try to be kind to yourself and make sure that you are in a good place.

    I hope things get better.
  9. Fresh Newbie
    kellye1020's Avatar
    kellye1020 is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Posts
    2
    #9

    Hello

    Thank you for that. I am trying so hard to be optimistic!! lol. We both have been through a lot and it was like finding each other again was amazing-until recently when reality/deployment hit. I am not his ex wife, I would NEVER cheat on him but I do think he's doing this not only for his own self preservation but for me as well. UGH. It's not easy. He's leaving in 2 weeks so I'm PRAYING that he calls/texts/comes by/sends smoke signals or SOMETHING. But honestly I think the next time I hear from him will be when he goes and I get an email. It SUCKS. But again, I truly feel he's worth waiting for. He's an amazing man and is a wonderful father...but thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I appreciate it more than you know!!!!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •