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Thread: Break Up

  1. Old Newbie
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    #1

    Break Up

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    I guess all of yall who posted that it sounded like he didn't wanna be in a relationship anymore and the "red flags" were right.

    I woke up at 10AM to a facebook message saying "I can't look at your name anymore," and I noticed that he had deleted me on facebook. Cowardly, right?

    He wouldn't tell me why for a day until his mother finally got ahold of him and told him to contact me. He told me he is scared that he will not feel the same way when he returns next year and he doesn't want to keep me strung along during this time that he is "feeling an absence of feelings towards me." He said "It's hard to feel when I'm so far away." He said he doesn't know what is causing this, and asked if I was going to hate him forever. Wtf?

    I don't know what to do?

    So a year from now when this is all over, is he going to come home and want to pick back up where we left off? Do I allow that? Does being deployed give you a free pass for acting like a dipshit? Do I wait? Should I leave him alone this next year, but stay "faithful" until we comes home and figure it out from there? Is this inexcusable, regardless of the fact that he is overseas? I know this is hard on him, but it's hard on me too. And I was willing to give it all I had to make it work, why isn't he?

    We've been together for three years, lived together almost the whole time, have a home together, a dog together, we're not unstable and I thought we were really happy. I feel like this came out of nowhere and I'm really confused.


    EDIT: He was married to his high school sweetheart right before he joined and went to basic. She cheated while he was gone and they divorced. I don't know if this provides anymore insight into the crazy brain of my man....
    Last edited by corit; 07-17-2013 at 12:58 PM. Reason: additional info
  2. scotlandgrl53
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    #2
    Honestly I woukd try to move on with your life. I dont think him being deployed really gives him a pass. And even if it did is that the kind of relationship you want? Especially if he has choosen this as a career. If there comes a time when he tries talking to you see how you are feeling then.
  3. Old Newbie
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by eelizah View Post
    Honestly I woukd try to move on with your life. I dont think him being deployed really gives him a pass. And even if it did is that the kind of relationship you want? Especially if he has choosen this as a career. If there comes a time when he tries talking to you see how you are feeling then.
    No I don't want a relationship like this. I'm ready to settle down and not play stupid games like we're still children.
  4. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #4
    No excuse. He is just being a jackass. I wouldn't wait for him if he doesn't even want to try being in a relationship with me. Is is acting immature and selfish. Move on and be happy.

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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by corit View Post
    I guess all of yall who posted that it sounded like he didn't wanna be in a relationship anymore and the "red flags" were right.

    I woke up at 10AM to a facebook message saying "I can't look at your name anymore," and I noticed that he had deleted me on facebook. Cowardly, right?

    He wouldn't tell me why for a day until his mother finally got ahold of him and told him to contact me. He told me he is scared that he will not feel the same way when he returns next year and he doesn't want to keep me strung along during this time that he is "feeling an absence of feelings towards me." He said "It's hard to feel when I'm so far away." He said he doesn't know what is causing this, and asked if I was going to hate him forever. Wtf?

    I don't know what to do?

    So a year from now when this is all over, is he going to come home and want to pick back up where we left off? Do I allow that? Does being deployed give you a free pass for acting like a dipshit? Do I wait? Should I leave him alone this next year, but stay "faithful" until we comes home and figure it out from there? Is this inexcusable, regardless of the fact that he is overseas? I know this is hard on him, but it's hard on me too. And I was willing to give it all I had to make it work, why isn't he?

    We've been together for three years, lived together almost the whole time, have a home together, a dog together, we're not unstable and I thought we were really happy. I feel like this came out of nowhere and I'm really confused.


    EDIT: He was married to his high school sweetheart right before he joined and went to basic. She cheated while he was gone and they divorced. I don't know if this provides anymore insight into the crazy brain of my man....
    I am sorry you're dealing with that That was a shitty way to end things, especially with someone you have been committed to for 3 years. He behaved like a little boy and an ass.

    So a year from now when this is all over, is he going to come home and want to pick back up where we left off? He might, who knows?
    Do I allow that? That is entirely up to you but if this is a career he wants to do for several years there will be more deployments. Is he going to pull this crap every time?
    Does being deployed give you a free pass for acting like a dipshit? Nope. Many men deploy all the time and don't pull this shit.
    Do I wait? Should I leave him alone this next year, but stay "faithful" until we comes home and figure it out from there? Again, up to you. I don't think you should though. I think you should move on with your life. He has made it clear where you stand with him.
    Is this inexcusable, regardless of the fact that he is overseas? Not excusable in my books.
    I know this is hard on him, but it's hard on me too. And I was willing to give it all I had to make it work, why isn't he? Only he knows the answer to that. There are so many possible reasons why he did what he did and is feeling how he's feeling.
  6. Senior Member
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    #6
    No. You do not wait. When a man tells you he doesn't want to be with you, believe him. And any man who decides he can live without you needs to end up doing so. Don't you want to be with someone who can't imagine life without you, and who would do whatever it takes to be with you? At best, this guy thinks you are disposable. Is that really okay with you? I doubt it is.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #7
    i dont even understand why you are even questioning weather or not you should wait for him. seriously? the answer is FUCK NO. hes a coward. he had to be scolded by his MOTHER to tell you that he didnt want to be with you. after ignoring you? NO a deployment doesnt give him the right to act like a dipshit.

    i just. i dont understand how you would even consider waiting for him. id pack all his shit and when he gets home tell him he can pick his boxes up off the front lawn.
    we kicked deployment #2's butt!

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    #8
    I think you should live your life however you feel is right. If you wanna date, date. If you don't, stay single. If he comes home in a year and you've moved on, his loss but if he comes home, and you haven't been able to and if you're able to forgive him, then maybe give it another shot. I wouldn't wait for him at all but you never know what might happen. Let things unfold however they're meant to. I'm really sorry you're going through this. He sounds really confused and being an asshole because of it
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by nicoleclare View Post
    i dont even understand why you are even questioning weather or not you should wait for him. seriously? the answer is FUCK NO. hes a coward. he had to be scolded by his MOTHER to tell you that he didnt want to be with you. after ignoring you? NO a deployment doesnt give him the right to act like a dipshit.

    i just. i dont understand how you would even consider waiting for him. id pack all his shit and when he gets home tell him he can pick his boxes up off the front lawn.
    I know you're giving her tough love but I think this is a little harsh. They've been together for three years and this came out of left field. I know I'd question whether I should wait or not if this happened to me. I mean, you can't just write someone off you love like snapping your fingers.
  10. Old Newbie
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    #10

    Help

    I thank you all for any advice, thoughts.... No matter how harsh they might be. I do appreciate everything.
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