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Thread: I think about him every day....what happened?

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Whatever I think about him every day....what happened?

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    We met a month ago. At a mutual friends birthday party. I could see him staring at me from the corner of my eye. I didn't know him or his story. He is in the Navy stationed in Virginia Beach with 3 years left to go. Such a handsome guy. So polite with a great head on his shoulders. We were introduced and it was instant sparks between us. We spent the entire first night getting to know each other, kissing, and soaking up the excitement of whatever was happening between us. He was due to deploy in the next 2 weeks and only came home for a quick weekend stay. We exchanged numbers, kissed goodbye and he headed back home to Virginia. We stayed in touch almost every day. The connection was still there and I liked hearing from him. I was completely smitten by him. One night before I headed to bed he asked me if I would come stay with him for his last weekend in town. With my birthday falling on the same day as his deployment he said he had to jump the gun and take a chance before it was too late so he could spend one more time with me. I thought it over and said what the hell I would love to. We ended up having a great weekend. He paid for my round trip and covered the weekend expenses. I thought things were going great. Deployment wasn't on either of our minds. At least that's what I thought. When I returned home I didn't hear from him. The next day I decided to message him and tell him how much I liked him and wanted to stay in touch with the hopes of developing a relationship. He shut me down. He said he liked me too but didn't know how it would work with him leaving for so long because a lot could happen in 8 months .He said he planned on staying in touch and maybe something could happen when he got back home. That was it. The next day he deployed and wished me a happy birthday. We haven't spoke since then. He hasn't left my head :. I keep replaying everything over and over. Why didn't he give me a chance? I woke up a few days ago to an email from him. Completely shocked. In his email he wrote.... I hope you are doing well and enjoying your summer. I don't know if you are still mad at me for what I said before I left, but if you are I understand. I'm an asshole. Hope to hear from you. Take care. To anyone out there....I get that this life is tough for both parties involved. And having a good relationship may seem impossible. I cant get over this. I am a big ball of confusion and disappointment . Why did he drop me so suddenly and is reaching out again? Is this normal behavior for a man in the service? ANY advice would be great. You guys are the experts. Thank you!
  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #2
    Looks like to me that he liked you then got scared about the upcoming deployment and thought it would be better to distance himself.


    Not saying what he did was right. It was not ok that he suddenly ended all contact. Not all service members are like that so it isn't a "thing". For him that may just be his way of coping. You could try and message him and see how it goes, but I wouldn't put all my hopes on him. It could go very well or not good at all. You have to decide if you want to spend the next 8 month waiting on something that may or may not happen.


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    Thank you Andreaclaire. I really appreciate your advice. What should I say back to him? I haven't decided if I want to or not. I feel pretty burned by him. Do you think when he said he was an asshole that he is feeling bad about what he did? I hate racking my brains out over this!
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    Confused Why did you leave?

    We met a month ago. At a mutual friends birthday party. I could see him staring at me from the corner of my eye. I didn't know him or his story. He is in the Navy stationed in Virginia Beach with 3 years left to go. Such a handsome guy. So polite with a great head on his shoulders. We were introduced and it was instant sparks between us. We spent the entire first night getting to know each other, kissing, and soaking up the excitement of whatever was happening between us. He was due to deploy in the next 2 weeks and only came home for a quick weekend stay. We exchanged numbers, kissed goodbye and he headed back home to Virginia. We stayed in touch almost every day. The connection was still there and I liked hearing from him. I was completely smitten by him. One night before I headed to bed he asked me if I would come stay with him for his last weekend in town. With my birthday falling on the same day as his deployment he said he had to jump the gun and take a chance before it was too late so he could spend one more time with me. I thought it over and said what the hell I would love to. We ended up having a great weekend. He paid for my round trip and covered the weekend expenses. I thought things were going great. Deployment wasn't on either of our minds. At least that's what I thought. When I returned home I didn't hear from him. The next day I decided to message him and tell him how much I liked him and wanted to stay in touch with the hopes of developing a relationship. He shut me down. He said he liked me too but didn't know how it would work with him leaving for so long because a lot could happen in 8 months .He said he planned on staying in touch and maybe something could happen when he got back home. That was it. The next day he deployed and wished me a happy birthday. We haven't spoke since then. He hasn't left my head . I keep replaying everything over and over. Why didn't he give me a chance? I woke up a few days ago to an email from him. Completely shocked. In his email he wrote.... I hope you are doing well and enjoying your summer. I don't know if you are still mad at me for what I said before I left, but if you are I understand. I'm an asshole. Hope to hear from you. Take care. To anyone out there....I get that this life is tough for both parties involved. And having a good relationship may seem impossible. I cant get over this. I am a big ball of confusion and disappointment . Why did he drop me so suddenly and is reaching out again? Is this normal behavior for a man in the service? ANY advice would be great. You guys are the experts. Thank you!
  5. Keep Calm and Ride Unicorns
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    #5
    I merged your threads, cross posting is not allowed.
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    #6
    idk, maybe he was scared of a relationship during deployment, or if he thought he was an a-hole about the situation himself, maybe he was only interested in a fling and wasn't really interested in a relationship at all. You sure he wasn't married or had a significant other? idk but i'm sorry you are hurting so much.
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    I'm sorry he hurt you. It sounds like he may not be ready for a serious relationship for whatever reason. Maybe it is just the deployment or he just isn't ready for one. Him reaching out seems to me like he is either just trying to stay friends with you, wanting someone to talk to while he is deployed or trying to string you along so he has someone to come back and have fun with when he gets back. I think the first thing you need to do is find out where you stand with hm. From there make a decision about whether or not you're willing to deal with whatever type of relationship or friendship he wants with you. I hope this all turns out well for you
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Andrea714 View Post
    We met a month ago. At a mutual friends birthday party. I could see him staring at me from the corner of my eye. I didn't know him or his story. He is in the Navy stationed in Virginia Beach with 3 years left to go. Such a handsome guy. So polite with a great head on his shoulders. We were introduced and it was instant sparks between us. We spent the entire first night getting to know each other, kissing, and soaking up the excitement of whatever was happening between us. He was due to deploy in the next 2 weeks and only came home for a quick weekend stay. We exchanged numbers, kissed goodbye and he headed back home to Virginia. We stayed in touch almost every day. The connection was still there and I liked hearing from him. I was completely smitten by him. One night before I headed to bed he asked me if I would come stay with him for his last weekend in town. With my birthday falling on the same day as his deployment he said he had to jump the gun and take a chance before it was too late so he could spend one more time with me. I thought it over and said what the hell I would love to. We ended up having a great weekend. He paid for my round trip and covered the weekend expenses. I thought things were going great. Deployment wasn't on either of our minds. At least that's what I thought. When I returned home I didn't hear from him. The next day I decided to message him and tell him how much I liked him and wanted to stay in touch with the hopes of developing a relationship. He shut me down. He said he liked me too but didn't know how it would work with him leaving for so long because a lot could happen in 8 months .He said he planned on staying in touch and maybe something could happen when he got back home. That was it. The next day he deployed and wished me a happy birthday. We haven't spoke since then. He hasn't left my head . I keep replaying everything over and over. Why didn't he give me a chance? I woke up a few days ago to an email from him. Completely shocked. In his email he wrote.... I hope you are doing well and enjoying your summer. I don't know if you are still mad at me for what I said before I left, but if you are I understand. I'm an asshole. Hope to hear from you. Take care. To anyone out there....I get that this life is tough for both parties involved. And having a good relationship may seem impossible. I cant get over this. I am a big ball of confusion and disappointment . Why did he drop me so suddenly and is reaching out again? Is this normal behavior for a man in the service? ANY advice would be great. You guys are the experts. Thank you!
    I am sorry you are hurting.

    To the bolded - this is not about the profession, it is about the man and his character. It could be any number of things - what you have to do at this point is decide for yourself what you want. Do you want to spend the next 8 months on a roller-coaster for the chance that it might work out? Is it worth it to you? Are you prepared to invest yourself further into this emotionally for that chance? Can you afford, emotionally, to deal with things if you do invest yourself for the next 8 months and then have it not be what you expect at the end of that time?
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Andrea714 View Post
    We met a month ago. At a mutual friends birthday party. I could see him staring at me from the corner of my eye. I didn't know him or his story. He is in the Navy stationed in Virginia Beach with 3 years left to go. Such a handsome guy. So polite with a great head on his shoulders. We were introduced and it was instant sparks between us. We spent the entire first night getting to know each other, kissing, and soaking up the excitement of whatever was happening between us. He was due to deploy in the next 2 weeks and only came home for a quick weekend stay. We exchanged numbers, kissed goodbye and he headed back home to Virginia. We stayed in touch almost every day. The connection was still there and I liked hearing from him. I was completely smitten by him. One night before I headed to bed he asked me if I would come stay with him for his last weekend in town. With my birthday falling on the same day as his deployment he said he had to jump the gun and take a chance before it was too late so he could spend one more time with me. I thought it over and said what the hell I would love to. We ended up having a great weekend. He paid for my round trip and covered the weekend expenses. I thought things were going great. Deployment wasn't on either of our minds. At least that's what I thought. When I returned home I didn't hear from him. The next day I decided to message him and tell him how much I liked him and wanted to stay in touch with the hopes of developing a relationship. He shut me down. He said he liked me too but didn't know how it would work with him leaving for so long because a lot could happen in 8 months .He said he planned on staying in touch and maybe something could happen when he got back home. That was it. The next day he deployed and wished me a happy birthday. We haven't spoke since then. He hasn't left my head :. I keep replaying everything over and over. Why didn't he give me a chance? I woke up a few days ago to an email from him. Completely shocked. In his email he wrote.... I hope you are doing well and enjoying your summer. I don't know if you are still mad at me for what I said before I left, but if you are I understand. I'm an asshole. Hope to hear from you. Take care. To anyone out there....I get that this life is tough for both parties involved. And having a good relationship may seem impossible. I cant get over this. I am a big ball of confusion and disappointment . Why did he drop me so suddenly and is reaching out again? Is this normal behavior for a man in the service? ANY advice would be great. You guys are the experts. Thank you!
    So, you met a month ago, he deployed 2 weeks later, and you got an email a couple of days ago. I am assuming it was less than 2 weeks between when he left and you got the email. he may not have just "dropped you so suddenly". The first few days/weeks of a deployment can be a hot mess so it's quite possible he just really didn't have time to contact you until then. Or maybe i'm just really misunderstanding the timeline.
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    Quote Originally Posted by CandiLynn View Post
    So, you met a month ago, he deployed 2 weeks later, and you got an email a couple of days ago. I am assuming it was less than 2 weeks between when he left and you got the email. he may not have just "dropped you so suddenly". The first few days/weeks of a deployment can be a hot mess so it's quite possible he just really didn't have time to contact you until then. Or maybe i'm just really misunderstanding the timeline.
    No, we have not spoken in a month. He left in the beginning of May.
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