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Thread: Love Stinks

  1. Regular Member
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    #1

    Love Stinks

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    Things have unravelled once again with the guy who I've off and on considered my BF for the past 10 months. Things were going really well, all things considered (he's overseas now) and then there was a shift. We spent one day emailing for hours and had a really fun and sweet conversation. At the end of it all, I turned out my light and felt more miserable than before we'd talked that day, simply from how much I missed him. I felt like I never wanted to talk to him again. I think it was just my defense mode kicking it - it'd be easier to forget about him then miss him this much, eh?

    I think he left the conversation feeling the same way, because he would not respond to my messages after that day. Weird that things have sort of ended because of a great conversation. I didn't hear from him for two weeks - pretty rare, although I considered that he might not have satelite. I know one way to find out if he was still alive was to check and see if he'd signed on to the online dating site we'd met on nearly a year ago. I knew he never shut his account down and for some reason, that never really bothered me. I think out of pure boredom and perhaps immaturity, he doesn't know how to get by in life without skimming over his options. Either way, he needs to face his own demons in that department. I found his profile (after creating one of my own to just find his) and saw he'd been online that day. This may sound weird to you, but it didn't **** me off that he's amusing himself with online dating while deployed - from what I hear, it's really common so you can either let it roll of the shoulders or not. What friggin pissed me off is that I'd been sending him messages asking if he was ok, saying I was worried from not hearing from him, and he'd completely ignored them but had the time to talk to whoever on that site.

    I know what you're thinking. He's an a$$ and I couldn't agree more. A$$ or not, I'm still in love with him. But, I sent him a message saying that I couldn't do this anymore and despite that, I'd still be rooting for him everyday and praying for a safe return.

    We're always off and on. It's the most exhausting and delicious relationship and as hard as I try to fall in love with someone else, I don't. So judge if you must, but it takes all kinds and there's no one way to spend your life with someone. That being said, I'm still incredibly pissed at him right now and feel slightly sick to my stomach and I created my own profile to distract myself from my own misery. But no one's really caught my interest. Why should they? Someone else has my heart, unfortunately.

    I guess the worst and best part of all of it is that I know I'll hear from him again. He'll come around again. I'm that girl that he can't admit he's in love with, but every now and again he becomes putty in my hands and it's clear as day that he's got it bad. And then he puts on his tough army guy act and off he goes again, acting like he's the most cold hearted man in town.

    Just venting. I'd really like to be whisked away by anyone else right now, tall and handsome, and not fall in love but just travel and have a good time together, keeping emotions at bay. Because I don't want to fall in love with anyone else.
  2. sassypants
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    #2
    rocket_liz is my wifey
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    #3
    Doesn't sound to me like he's in love with you and putty in your hands, it sounds like he is looking for someone else and comes back to you when he hasn't found it and needs someone to talk to. But I haven't seen you two together, just my view from what you've said. This on and off sounds awful and it's really gonna hurt you when you're expecting him to come back but he doesn't because he's finally found what he's looking for.

    sorry you're in this situation.
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    #4
    You hear it's really common to browse dating sites when you have a girlfriend? It might be common among douchbags and immature a-holes who don't respect their girlfriends, but other than that, no, no it is not common.

    You say that you'll hear from him again, but that doesn't mean you need to answer. If the dude it trolling dating sites and ignoring you without so much as a request for a break (which is also a little messed up, but not nearly so much), he's not a good guy, and he's a lousy boyfriend, and it's time to move on. Even if you don't have an attractive prospect right now, being alone is better than being with someone who doesn't respect you (and to be sure, this guy doesn't!), and being single gives you a chance to meet someone who will treat you well, instead of treating you like a hobby that he'll play with when he's bored.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    You hear it's really common to browse dating sites when you have a girlfriend? It might be common among douchbags and immature a-holes who don't respect their girlfriends, but other than that, no, no it is not common.

    You say that you'll hear from him again, but that doesn't mean you need to answer. If the dude it trolling dating sites and ignoring you without so much as a request for a break (which is also a little messed up, but not nearly so much), he's not a good guy, and he's a lousy boyfriend, and it's time to move on. Even if you don't have an attractive prospect right now, being alone is better than being with someone who doesn't respect you (and to be sure, this guy doesn't!), and being single gives you a chance to meet someone who will treat you well, instead of treating you like a hobby that he'll play with when he's bored.
    especially with the bold
  6. Regular Member
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    #6
    Ya. you guys are probably right.
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    #7
    I'll take being single any day of the year over being with someone who treats me second best.
  8. I have a fever,and the only prescription is, MORE cowbell
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    You hear it's really common to browse dating sites when you have a girlfriend? It might be common among douchbags and immature a-holes who don't respect their girlfriends, but other than that, no, no it is not common.

    You say that you'll hear from him again, but that doesn't mean you need to answer. If the dude it trolling dating sites and ignoring you without so much as a request for a break (which is also a little messed up, but not nearly so much), he's not a good guy, and he's a lousy boyfriend, and it's time to move on. Even if you don't have an attractive prospect right now, being alone is better than being with someone who doesn't respect you (and to be sure, this guy doesn't!), and being single gives you a chance to meet someone who will treat you well, instead of treating you like a hobby that he'll play with when he's bored.
    I wish there was like button. I'm sorry, I don't give an ish how bored he is, it he is in a committed relationship, he shouldn't be trolling dating sites. I'd tell him to suck it, and cut my losses.



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    #9
    Honestly, it sounds like you're better off leaving that alone. It's not ok or common no matter where a person is to browse a dating site if you're in a happy and healthy relationship. You deserve better and it sounds like you haven't realized that. I hope you're able to move on and see him for what he is and how he's treated you.


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    #10
    I wish there was like button. I'm sorry, I don't give an ish how bored he is, it he is in a committed relationship, he shouldn't be trolling dating sites. I'd tell him to suck it, and cut my losses
    .

    Agreed, except we were't exactly in a committed relationship. Or any relationship, for that matter. Things sort of were on and off before he left. When we started talking again, we never put a label on things. I mean I'm really not a big fan of labels anyways. I've been referring to him as my "sort of boyfriend" since he's been away. It's not really my style to juggle a bunch of guys and hop in the sack with just anyone, but he certainly hasn't told me that I'm not allowed to - not that he wouldn't be jealous. We do sorta have a messed up thing going. But I love the shit outta that guy. I really do.
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