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Thread: I'll be here soon *update post 43*

  1. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #1

    I'll be here soon *update post 43*

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    This is technically a little early and sort of a seeking advice thread, but I felt like it best belongs in this forum. Feel free to move it, mods.

    I'm pretty sure M is cheating on me. I've had a gut feeling that something was up for a while, but I didn't know what it was. I asked him over and over again if something was up, I told him I felt like he was keeping something from me, I straight up asked him if he was cheating on me and he said no every single time. Last week he was here visiting before he left for Korea. While he was here, I saw him send a text to a girl, L, that said, "good morning lovely, I miss you". I thought it was really weird and it kind of bothered me a bit, but I didn't say anything about it for some reason. Throughout the week he was acting really weird about his phone. I grabbed it for him one day because he almost left it at home. When I gave it to him, he pretty much yanked it out of my hands and immediately checked to make sure it was still locked. Again I asked him what was up and he said nothing.

    The morning he left for Korea I was alone in his room with his phone. All I could think was that if he left, there would be no way of me finding out what was going on without him telling me. I knew he was hiding something and I had literally given him every opportunity to tell me. So I decided to look through his phone. I know it wasn't the best choice, but I didn't know what else to do. I found several emails of pictures that L had sent him within the last couple weeks. I also found an email of pictures that another girl, C, had sent him in February. He told me last week that he stopped talking to C at the end of last summer and hadn't heard from her since, so he was obviously lying.

    In addition to the pictures, I found an email conversation between him and L. Most of it was just about work/school/life, but at the end of every email he sent her he told her he missed her, he couldn't get her out of his head, he really enjoyed their skype date and he couldn't wait for the next one, and he loved her. When he came back from his shower I asked him again if he was cheating on me. He said absolutely not, he didn't even have any female friends, and he wouldn't do that to me. He was so sincere about it, I totally would have believed him if I hadn't read his email. For some reason I will never understand, I decided not to say anything. I said goodbye to him as usual and he left for Korea.

    He sent me an email this morning telling me he arrived safely. I haven't replied yet because I just don't know what to say. I feel pathetic because even though I read the email and saw what he wrote my overriding emotions are sad that he left and I'm never going to see him again, guilt over going through his private stuff, and shame for not being angry and telling him to shove it while he was here. I keep trying to convince myself that I could be misinterpreting the email and I shouldn't just outright confront him in case I'm wrong, but that is ridiculous. So what would you say to him? I just want him to tell me what's going on, but he obviously has no intention of being honest with me.

    Any advice is welcome, but please don't grill me over invading his privacy. I don't know what else I could have done and I already feel horrible enough about it.
    Last edited by AshleyO; 03-13-2013 at 10:13 PM.

    I Eelizah
  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #2
    i honestly have no advice to give but im so sorry he did that to you and lied about it so much. you def deserve better than that
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    I'm so sorry. I'm not sure what you want to hear but I think you're right. He wouldn't keep his female friends a secret from you if they really were innocent.

    At this point I think I would just break up with him. Personally I would have to tell him I know and how I found out, but I think most people would probably advise against that cause its not the most mature route. I wouldn't be able to keep that in.
  4. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by january View Post
    I'm so sorry. I'm not sure what you want to hear but I think you're right. He wouldn't keep his female friends a secret from you if they really were innocent.

    At this point I think I would just break up with him. Personally I would have to tell him I know and how I found out, but I think most people would probably advise against that cause its not the most mature route. I wouldn't be able to keep that in.

    i dont think thats immature at all...id def say yea i know u did this because i saw this then looked at your email and saw all of this...i wouldnt keep it to myself that i went through his stuff that would make me feel so guilty
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    #5
    Oh and I wouldn't even feel bad about going through his email. How else were you going to find out?
  6. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    Quote Originally Posted by january View Post
    I'm so sorry. I'm not sure what you want to hear but I think you're right. He wouldn't keep his female friends a secret from you if they really were innocent.

    At this point I think I would just break up with him. Personally I would have to tell him I know and how I found out, but I think most people would probably advise against that cause its not the most mature route. I wouldn't be able to keep that in.
    Quote Originally Posted by heathermnrd View Post
    [/B]i dont think thats immature at all...id def say yea i know u did this because i saw this then looked at your email and saw all of this...i wouldnt keep it to myself that i went through his stuff that would make me feel so guilty
    This is basically what I'm asking, how would you handle this? It's not that I'm afraid to tell him I went through his stuff, it's that I don't know that I really want to hear his response. Would you want to give him the opportunity to lie some more? Would it help you to hear the truth? Is it better to just break up with him without confronting him about it? This is why I haven't been able to respond yet because I don't know how I want to handle it.

    I Eelizah
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by AshleyO View Post
    This is basically what I'm asking, how would you handle this? It's not that I'm afraid to tell him I went through his stuff, it's that I don't know that I really want to hear his response. Would you want to give him the opportunity to lie some more? Would it help you to hear the truth? Is it better to just break up with him without confronting him about it? This is why I haven't been able to respond yet because I don't know how I want to handle it.
    One of my exes cheated on me with my best friend and I wanted to know everything. How it happened, what exactly they did, everything. It hurt to hear but it helped me find closure. You can't control whether he lies to you more but for me, I need to know what happened.
  8. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by january View Post
    Oh and I wouldn't even feel bad about going through his email. How else were you going to find out?
    That is why I decided to do it. I don't really know what else I could have done. I still hate it though. It's hard to explain, but it's such a huge thing to violate someone's privacy like that. No matter what the reason.

    I Eelizah
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by AshleyO View Post
    This is basically what I'm asking, how would you handle this? It's not that I'm afraid to tell him I went through his stuff, it's that I don't know that I really want to hear his response. Would you want to give him the opportunity to lie some more? Would it help you to hear the truth? Is it better to just break up with him without confronting him about it? This is why I haven't been able to respond yet because I don't know how I want to handle it.
    id def confront him. id say we are done and here is why...on with the looking at his stuff....i dont know that i would listen to what he has to say as justification id prob just be like these are the facts im done bye. but personally i know id feel guilty for going through his stuff if i never fessed up to it....
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by heathermnrd View Post
    id def confront him. id say we are done and here is why...on with the looking at his stuff....i dont know that i would listen to what he has to say as justification id prob just be like these are the facts im done bye. but personally i know id feel guilty for going through his stuff if i never fessed up to it....
    I feel guilty no matter what. Telling him won't make it any better or any worse.

    I Eelizah
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