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Thread: A breakup and a letter

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    A breakup and a letter

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    valeriepm - Email

    We dated for three years, both 20 years old, and first loves. Right before the breakup, he lost his job, his mom broke the lease to his apartment, he moved back in with his parents, pressured about his future, etc.

    He broke up with me after an argument and listed various, trivial reasons that didn't even make sense. He broke up and got back together with me twice for the next two weeks (all over the phone, of course). I went to his house after the final breakup and he yelled at me - called me crazy, get out of my life, there's nothing to talk about, etc. This happened three months ago and all I've heard from him since then is the email above. He completely ignores me and won't give me any clarification.

    I have a feeling he may be going active duty (he's in the National Guard) or volunteering to deploy in September with his brother. His heart was always in the army but he stayed because of me.

    Is this normal? I'm still strung out over this guy and my heart is in pieces - especially since he won't talk to me at all or give me any real explanation.

    Thank you for any advice.
  2. langsam langsam.
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    #2
    Is him treating you like crap, yelling, and breaking up with you every other day normal? I'd have to say no; it's not typical actions of someone who legitimately wants to get married to someone. If I was in your position I'd say he wasn't worth it and move on, but there may be a lot more to the story you didn't touch base on obviously. Three months isn't very long to get over someone if you two were together for quite awhile, but honestly in the end some people just aren't cut out for long distance and the whole military thing. I think he has his own personal things to work out, and it sounds like you don't support his military situation completely (i.e. going Guard instead of AD) so many it's just time to throw in the towel, focus on yourself, and move on.

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    #3
    Thank you for the advice - I appreciate it. It's just all of this is completely out of his character. I've known him for three years and the only time he has distanced himself from me is now and before basic. This isn't the man I know.

    And I would support him if he went active. It's just he tried breaking up with me before basic because he assumed it wouldn't work. He makes decisions on his own, obviously, without consulting me or asking for my opinion.

    I love him and it's so hard to move on, especially after reading his "love you / miss you" letter. But perhaps you're right. I've felt so guilty for this even though I haven't done anything to deserve it.
  4. langsam langsam.
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    #4
    it's never easy, but if you want you could always give him a bit more time. he's going through a lot of different things right now, and maybe he just have some personal things to sort out. I think talking about it in due time is worth it though especially if you've been together that long.

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    #5
    I personally think he is ignoring you because he wants you to move on. It seems like the more he communicates with you, like with this letter, that it is clear he wants you to move forward with your life without him and he's being nice about it, but you seem to want to change his mind and try to convince him to continue a relationship with him when that is not what he wants.

    Breakups are hard. They are even harder when the other person is a good person. It'd be so easy to discontinue a relationship when the other person treated you badly.

    I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find happiness and are able to move forward from this.
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    Kprime: Thank you I'd like to think that as well. I'm trying to move forward with my life but keep my heart open to him at the same time.

    Deifick: I understand what you mean. It kills me, though, to think we both love each other and didn't want to break up but it was the "only way." I don't know if it's because of me or because of the circumstances. Either way, I realize it doesn't matter. It just hurts to think that, a few months before the breakup, he was telling his family and friends that he was buying me an engagement ring.

    I've never felt this bad since my mom left my family. This whole experience brings up a lot of familiar emotions and fears. I feel abandoned. I've even lost weight to where I'm only 110 lbs - and I'm 5'10.

    I don't know if I can ever fully get past this - but I'm trying.
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    #7
    Take care of yourself. I know it's hard. Love is everywhere. Don't lose hope.
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    #8
    After reading the email it sounds like he is letting you go and needs you to let him go too. As much as it hurts he needs it and if you truly love him you have to respect it and know that he didn't find it easy (as he stated in the letter) and the only thing to do now is remember the good times and learn and move forward
  9. BingBangBoom that's how babies are made
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Deifick View Post
    I personally think he is ignoring you because he wants you to move on. It seems like the more he communicates with you, like with this letter, that it is clear he wants you to move forward with your life without him and he's being nice about it, but you seem to want to change his mind and try to convince him to continue a relationship with him when that is not what he wants.

    Breakups are hard. They are even harder when the other person is a good person. It'd be so easy to discontinue a relationship when the other person treated you badly.

    I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find happiness and are able to move forward from this.

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
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    #10
    Thank you for all the advice I can't delete this thread - but, just so everyone knows, I won't be checking back on it and I'll close the above letter.

    I appreciate your replies and now I have to pick up the pieces and carry forward with my life. It won't be easy, but I have no other choice.

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