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Thread: So one thing ended...

  1. It's a karma thing
    FinnJade's Avatar
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    #1

    So one thing ended...

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    ...and another one began. I posted about my bad, ugly break up with Steve here
    So the Ugly Truth About Steve (LONG)

    I just don't want to write down all of it again. However, the break up and the lies, it was a long time coming and I felt it, I just didn't want it to be true, which is why I stayed with him for as long as I did. I really did love him (or the person he pretended to be). We never really broke up, meaning we never had 'the talk'. The Belgium incident happened on Nov 3rd, after that he called me once or twice (I don't really remember the correct number of calls, I think it was twice), sent me a couple of facebook messages that didn't say anything really, except for more lies why he wouldn't talk to me I guess. The first week of December, a friend from post messaged me and told me that Steve was back stateside, over in Ft Campbell. He left without notice, didn't even say goodbye, didn't even have the ba**s to break up with me properly before he left. It is what it is. So in retrospective, our relationship was over after Belgium.

    So it happened that I went on a bunch of online dating sites because I felt like crap. And getting a bunch of nice messages from complete strangers can be like chicken soup for the soul sometimes. And yes, some people on dating sites are creepy as hell, some are alright and nice. And one guy was genuinely interested in me. So we started messaging back and forth on facebook and it turned out that he was also stationed in Baumholder now (same post as my ex before). Also turns out he had met him before and couldn't stand him (major pro). I told him all about my last relationship and how it ended and that even though I once swore to myself that I would never compare relationships or guys I had to admit that the words Army and Baumholder brought back very painful memories.
    Nevertheless, we decided to go out on a date. And things went very well. He introduced me to all is friends, he calls/texts every day and I never have to worry about hearing from him. So we began dating shortly after but I also told him that this was all going too fast for me. I felt like I needed to be honest with him and told him that I was not completely over my ex. Because you don't just get over your boyfriend lying, cheating and almost killing you in a heartbeat. He understands. And he is patient. He really does care about me. He is honest and sweet and gives me all the time that I need to figure out what I want.

    The only thing I'm worried about is this: Ever since that night in Belgium when Steve choked me and threatened me, I keep having panic attacks. At totally random times. I don't really know what triggers them. I do know that I don't like hands on my throat. Other than that, I sometimes just freak out in the middle of the night panicking, like it's hard to breathe and I can almost feel his hands on my throat again. And what do I do? I keep pushing my new guy away, cut him off because I can't talk about it. And he tries to help me and tries to calm me down but it all just makes it worse. I'm afraid that because of all the things my ex did to me, I will do the exact same thing to new DB and I don't want that. He doesn't deserve to be treated like dirt.

    I sure hope I can get over this soon. New DB is simply an amazing, genuine and sweet person (with no psychological issues or psychotic tendencies whatsoever) and I sure don't want to be the one to break his heart.
    Sickened in the sun
    You dare tell me you love me
    But you held me down and screamed you wanted me to die
    .
  2. aka Milfon2Wheelz
    BraveLilToaster's Avatar
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    #2
    1. Get yourself some counseling or therapy, it will help deal with the memories and emotions and you can get meds to help the panic attacks.

    2. That is just wicked coincidental that new DB knows ex DB, just be careful and take things slow.
  3. It's a karma thing
    FinnJade's Avatar
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    #3
    Thanks. I definitely want to seek counseling. I already joined a support group in my town and I'm looking at therapists nearby and check things with my health insurance.

    They did not "know" know each other. They're in completely different units but Baumholder is kind of small and there is this one bar on post where everyone hangs out. And apparently, DB got in an argument over a spilled drink with my ex. Plus apparently ex DB was known for getting in trouble a lot AND he was easy to spot because he walks with a cane due to a lower back injury. So basically they ran into each other at the bar a couple of times and ex DB acted like a douche. That's how they know each other.

    And yes, I am definitely taking it slow. Though so far, DB is doing everything right.
    Sickened in the sun
    You dare tell me you love me
    But you held me down and screamed you wanted me to die
    .
  4. Man, Wife & Dog..Just the *3* of us<3
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    #4
    What is the rush about jumping into a new relationship? You admittedly aren't over your ex. It might help with your healing process if you take a step back and maybe just be friends with the new guy.
    Lucky in love with my Best Friend
  5. It's a karma thing
    FinnJade's Avatar
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    #5
    Honestly, I thought the same thing at first. I didn't want to start dating someone new so fast. And I sure as hell didn't think I would be serious with anyone for a while. And I admit that I still have my problems with closeness at times. But here's the thing: Something struck me when I met this guy. And I don't know what or why but it's there. And here he is, treating me right, like I believe I deserve it. Helping me as much as he can to get over this other thing, even if that means to back off sometimes.

    I thought about just being friends for now. But I can't do it. Because I think that what if he is the one who comes along once in a lifetime and I friendzone him? What if a year from now I realize what I could have had? I really don't want to be asking myself that question. I have something really good going with him and I enjoy it - cautiously - but I do enjoy it. I realize that I need professional help and I know it is very important. But should I really get rid of something so good because of someone who doesn't even exist?
    He knows every last detail about my last relationship and I did indeed explain all my doubts and fears to him about moving on too soon too fast and so on and so forth, so he knows exactly what he's gotten himself into. He asked me to try, to take things slow, see where it's going. And maybe - hopefully - things will work out between us. Because I already feel too much for him. Do I still think about my ex? Yes. Does it still hurt? Yes. Not because I miss him but because of what he did.

    And yet, I sometimes feel like it's unfair to him. So yes, I get why you would suggest to be just friends. Honestly, I think that maybe he sometimes must feel like I felt with ex DB. Completely helpless. But I'm trying my best to not cut him off. We have a good communication system working so far. And I am getting better every day. I owe a lot of that to him.
    Sickened in the sun
    You dare tell me you love me
    But you held me down and screamed you wanted me to die
    .
  6. Senior Member
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    #6
    Hi. Am relieved to know you're not dealing with that douche of an exDB.

    Though I whole heartedly believe you might want to step back, not because for the sake of his feelings, but you need to find happiness within yourself before you can share that happiness with someone else.
    You don't want this man to be a crutch for your emotions right now, and in a way, its punishing him whether you see it or not :\.

    Believe me, I may not have been through what you're going through, but heartbreak is heartbreak, and you can only go backwards when you haven't recovered from the hurt.

    He may be the one, but if he's the one; he will understand and give you direction to self happiness. Just because he knows what he's getting into, doesn't make it okay to lean on him like this.

    You are a good person from what I've seen from your last thread, please don't take 1 step forward, 2 steps back. :\
  7. Senior Member
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    #7
    Hi. Am relieved to know you're not dealing with that douche of an exDB.

    Though I whole heartedly believe you might want to step back, not because for the sake of his feelings, but you need to find happiness within yourself before you can share that happiness with someone else.
    You don't want this man to be a crutch for your emotions right now, and in a way, its punishing him whether you see it or not :\.

    Believe me, I may not have been through what you're going through, but heartbreak is heartbreak, and you can only go backwards when you haven't recovered from the hurt.

    He may be the one, but if he's the one; he will understand and give you direction to self happiness. Just because he knows what he's getting into, doesn't make it okay to lean on him like this.

    You are a good person from what I've seen from your last thread, please don't take 1 step forward, 2 steps back. :\

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