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Thread: Get out of my house!

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    #1

    Mad Get out of my house!

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    I'm at my breaking point of frustration with my soon to be ex. Everything was amicable until Saturday morning when I mentioned to him that I found a few nice apartments that are close to his parents and daughters school for 550 a month. That evening while having coffee with his mom I mentioned that his sister brought up that the apartments she rents out are having great move in deals. At that he got all irritated with me and said " Well I thought I was going to pay you 400 a month and stay in the 3rd bedroom." I reminded him that in our last conversation we agreed it would be better to have adult time away from each other but that he could stay at my house on the weekends he has his daughter, not live there. Plus, he wanted to just pay 400 a month, not contribute to any utilities or groceries. He acted like I was the biggest B in the world for expecting his cheating lying butt to move out of his soon to be ex-wife's house when he is medically discharged in February. And it wasn't a big deal to bring this up over coffee as his mom is aware of everything going on and it was one of the few times that his daughter wasn't there that we could talk about this.

    I'm irritated. I feel I've bent over backwards to be as accommodating as possible to someone who repeatedly cheated on me with both women and men during the 15 months we were married. He currently has a cell phone through my families business that he doesn't pay for (Thats a whole other story), I paid for and filed for all divorce paperwork, and all I ask is that he talks to me with respect and gets out of my house when he returns. Yea, I guess that makes me horrible. I feel like he's trying to keep me from moving on which is just crippling me with anger since I can see by the bank account that he is having a ball with someone down in Norfolk.

    Does anyone have any ideas on how to burglar proof my house for when he moves out? Even his mom texted me to watch my stuff over the next month since she believes her son will try to take everything. I now have 2 fire safes that have important papers and small things of value. I bought Christmas totes today that I put all the extra bath supplies/cleaners in since I have a pretty awesome stockpile of these things and I know he won't think to look in the holiday decorations for it. I also am looking at getting a locking door knob put on the basement door so that I would have a safer place to put things and hopefully he won't break the door or lock. I feel like I have no control so I'm just trying to see what I can do now to make things easier for myself. Tonight I'm going to pack his stuff up and stick it in the extra bedroom. I know it's such a petty thing to feel irritated by the thought of him leaving with my bath towels or comforters, but he hemorrhages money back in VA whereas I have always spent mine on bills and things for the house and his kid. I even told him that there were some awesome black Friday sales on things for the home and he called that "old lady shopping". This has turned more into a vent than anything else I guess, but it feels good to get it out
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    #2
    Why don't you just kick him out? I'm lost as to why you feel the need to help him, when he destroyed your marriage. You owe him NOTHING! Is your name on your lease? (assuming you're renting) If so, Pack his shit, toss it out the door, and change your locks, etc. He made a big boy decision to cheat on you, now it's time to face the consequences. You holding his hand throughout this is not going to teach him a thing.
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    #3
    I agree I'm inviting some of this frustration on myself. I own my home ( he has no claim to it). The main reason I haven't just kicked him out completely is because of his daughter. We were waiting to tell her until after the holidays. I know that she is not my responsibility, but I do love her and I do know that this home provides some stability for her. We are attached at the hip and have been since she was very small ( she'll be 9 soon). So yes, I know that I could lock him and his daughter out tomorrow if I wanted, but I am not willing to slam the door on her and I never will. I've made up in my mind that my breaking point with allowing him to stay here with her on weekends when he gets his own place is if I catch him or suspect him of stealing from me. I don't think it will get to that point though because I believe that sooner or later he will pull her from me and my house, but I don't think that she will stay quiet about that.

    What I'm mainly irritated with is his attitude. How dare I inconvenience him by not accepting his offer of $400 a month to live here while I continue to do all the cooking, cleaning and bill paying. How dare anyone think any bad thoughts about him. I'd like to know where this entitled self-rightous attitude comes from and how he can possibly paint himself as a victim and me as a horrible B.
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    #4
    Sorry, I would put him out and change the locks. I would tell him that he can't come back in unless you are present. You shouldn't have to worry about your personal belongings being taken. Personally, I would see if I could leave anything precious, valuable or irreplaceable with a friend where he can't get a hold of it.





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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Jen♥ View Post
    Why don't you just kick him out? I'm lost as to why you feel the need to help him, when he destroyed your marriage. You owe him NOTHING! Is your name on your lease? (assuming you're renting) If so, Pack his shit, toss it out the door, and change your locks, etc. He made a big boy decision to cheat on you, now it's time to face the consequences. You holding his hand throughout this is not going to teach him a thing.
    This. You can't let his daughter be a way for him to manipulate you. He deserves nothing from you and he's walking all over you because he knows he can. You've got to get a backbone or his behavior won't change.


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    #6
    I agree with the pp's. You need to kick him out (in a legal way) ASAP. He will only continue to abuse you and your home if you continue to allow it to happen. You're trying to keep the peace for now but honestly it's just going to make things worse for when he does finally have to leave.
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    #7
    Do you own the home? If so, call a locksmith and see how much it will cost to rekey all the locks. In the mean time, take your most important valuables to a friends house, or even a small storage locker, which you can rent for a month.
    \
    Also, giving him so much notice gives him time to work up a lot of anger, and a lot of time to plan. It's a mistake. Now that things are getting ugly, surprise him with a new, earlier date. Have a friend (or several) there, and when he comes home, tell him you've packed his stuff and he has has 2 hours to leave, and don't let him out of your sight. If his mom lives locally, then he can stay with her if he needs to. Not your problem.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    Do you own the home? If so, call a locksmith and see how much it will cost to rekey all the locks. In the mean time, take your most important valuables to a friends house, or even a small storage locker, which you can rent for a month.
    \
    Also, giving him so much notice gives him time to work up a lot of anger, and a lot of time to plan. It's a mistake. Now that things are getting ugly, surprise him with a new, earlier date. Have a friend (or several) there, and when he comes home, tell him you've packed his stuff and he has has 2 hours to leave, and don't let him out of your sight. If his mom lives locally, then he can stay with her if he needs to. Not your problem.
    ditto...get a security system, maybe a few mean alert dogs sa well.
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    #9
    Yup, kick him out, let him figure it out on his own. He is no longer your problem, he can go crying to Mommy if he wants to, but it's your life that he's not only turned upside down, but now is meddling in even more. That's not fair. Pack his stuff and put it outside, and change the locks at the same time. You don't owe him anything!

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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    Do you own the home? If so, call a locksmith and see how much it will cost to rekey all the locks. In the mean time, take your most important valuables to a friends house, or even a small storage locker, which you can rent for a month.
    \
    Also, giving him so much notice gives him time to work up a lot of anger, and a lot of time to plan. It's a mistake. Now that things are getting ugly, surprise him with a new, earlier date. Have a friend (or several) there, and when he comes home, tell him you've packed his stuff and he has has 2 hours to leave, and don't let him out of your sight. If his mom lives locally, then he can stay with her if he needs to. Not your problem.
    I agree with all of the PP's but especially this one.

    And as far as the locks, you don't have to go to an actual locksmith. You can even just go to Home Depot, Lowe's or almost any hardware store. And they can do the keying as well. We went through our local Ace Hardware because it was going to be a lot cheaper through them versus a locksmith for the same thing.

    Wishing you well! What a crummy situation!
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