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Thread: Just want to punch him. Stops sending money home and talking to his daughter now.

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    Navy_Em's Avatar
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    #1

    Mad Just want to punch him. Stops sending money home and talking to his daughter now.

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    So I pretty much believe he is seeing someone else. I've been checking the joint navy federal account that he won't take me off of ( it's his account, I've never used it) and every day he is spending a ton of money on going out to eat. We had his daughter last weekend and he couldn't make it back until almost 5am on Saturday morning, although he had time to spend $55 at a sushi bar on Friday night. Also coincidentally his old LPO that I've always been suspicious of posted on her facebook that night that she is getting divorced and she's doing great. Every night this week he has spent between 30-40 dollars on just dinner. Where his money is going only ticks me off so much because he couldn't afford to spend $8 on two pumpkins for us to carve last weekend and I ended up paying for everything since he was supposedly so broke. Also with Christmas coming I know this year just like all the other years my money will go towards my gifts and Santa's gifts for his daughter while he will buy a gift from himself and that's it. We have his daughter this weekend and he is claiming he has duty today but I think he's just going to a Halloween party down there.

    I have my stepdaughter all weekend and we called him last night to read her bedtime story to her over the phone like we normally do. He never bothered to text or call and never picked up the phone yesterday. Haven't heard from him yet today either and I sent him a non-angry/non-threatening text telling him that SD was upset she didn't hear from him yesterday and would love a phone call today at some point. It's one thing to not communicate with me and treat me like crap but I've reached a whole new level of angry when he ignores his daughter.

    I have a question about payment of money between spouses and what I can do about this. I told him 3 weeks ago I was on his account and he tried to argue with me but I told him they sent me a card for it last year and paper statements in the mail addressed to me. I asked him to take me off since he always has it in the negative, I never use it, and I'm afraid it may be affecting my credit. He said he would get on that. This week I was in Norfolk Monday-Wednesday and texted him to ask if he ever removed me from the account. He sent back a short text saying he forgot and he'll do it "today" on Tuesday. Needless to say he didn't since I can still access it with my login. I have a hard time understanding what all the titles means and I checked the automatic transfers to make sure he didn't stop payments to me on the 1st and 15th. I'm not seeing any automatic payments set up right now. Does that mean he stopped this? I don't want a surprise on the 2nd when the money he was supposed to send to help cover bills doesn't show up and of course he won't answer any text or give me an honest answer to anything.

    Can I call his command about this if he stops sending money home? I'm still his wife and I see him screwing around with me as far as signing off the paperwork when we're eligible to which will be in January.

    I'm sorry this is so long. I just need to rant about how much he sucks and I thought there was something I could do about this money thing since I'm scraping together money and trying to get hours at a job that I was originally working full time at but went to flex last year to work around his military schedule. He is still collecting whatever the allowance is for being married and having a child dependant.
  2. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
    Tojai's Avatar
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    #2
    I don't know how Navy Federal works, but at our bank you can't remove a joint accountholder from an account. The account has to be closed and then the people can open up separate accounts. I would call yourself and ask about it, if you're on the account then you are entitled to know how that works.

    As an accountholder you are also entitled to know about any automatic transactions that are set up, so you could ask about that too while you have them on the phone.
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    #3
    every bank is different but at the one I work at only the person who wishes to be removed can do so. Here, the person wishes to relinquish the account has to fill out some paperwork stating that they wish to be removed and then the other signer on the account has to sign it as well. Sometimes it is easier to just close the account. However, as of right now, legally that money is just as much yours as it is his. Maybe reminding him of that will help speed this along.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    I don't know how Navy Federal works, but at our bank you can't remove a joint accountholder from an account. The account has to be closed and then the people can open up separate accounts. I would call yourself and ask about it, if you're on the account then you are entitled to know how that works.

    As an accountholder you are also entitled to know about any automatic transactions that are set up, so you could ask about that too while you have them on the phone.
    Since your name is on the account, you can call up Navy Fed and they can tell you if the automatic transfers are still in place or not, etc.

    At the bank I work for, to remove an account holder from an account, both parties have to sign paperwork that say they both agree to remove the name from the account. Navy Fed will also tell you how to go about removing a joint account holder from an account or if they account has to be closed and then separate accounts opened up. They are open 24/7 I believe so you can call them anytime.
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    #5
    You may not be able to see his transfers since you are just a joint account holder. I am a JAH on DH's Navy Fed account, and my view of the online statements/portal in general, is much more limited than what he sees. So, he may have not stopped transfers...

    As for everything else,

    You're welcome.
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    #6
    I Agree with PP about calling the credit union to figure out how to remove your name from the account as well as checking on the transfers. I know that we have had automatic transfers set up before and we were not able to "see" them until the payment/transfer posted. So just check on it.

    My personal advice would not be to call the command directly but to call your command ombudsman. Not only can they get the command involved if this is something that you want, or it can stay confidential if you do not want the command involved. The Ombudsman can also direct you to other resources that you may need in case he did stop the money transfers, or any other concerns while you are going through this transition.

    If you are not sure who your command ombudsman is or how to contact them go to this https://ombudsmanregistry.org/?m=contactombudsman to help you get in touch with the ombudsman.
    ~ Sara ~
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    #7
    Thanks for the info and the help everyone! I'll definitely check out the link. I'm not really sure who I would contact as he is not assigned to any certain command or ship since he is on lim du and waiting for a medical discharge. I just know he works at an office on base.

    And luckily he called tonight and talked to his daughter. It was for less than two minutes, but she was thrilled to hear from him.
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    #8
    My mom is going through something similar.

    First of all you should be able to take your self off the account. As for the money home. Legally while going through divorce proceedings you are able to remove money from a joint account (if you have one) to be set aside for bills. However you will need to keep copious notes to show that the money actually went to necessities (bills, food, stuff like that).

    As for if he is cheating situation. Does your state have no fault divorce? If so you can always go that route and have accounts frozen (as in he can still get money but it can not be used for outings with his suspected mistress).
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    #9
    IDK, maybe you should go ahead and sign the divorce papers. if he's givin gyou the house, he may see it as clear per the alimony issue if there is one. You can call his command and say you are taking care of his child on his weekends but he's not sending you any money while he's too busy to see her on his days. But there's no guarantee that you'll get money or anything. If you have access to the account, I'd start taking some out for his daughter's care, if he balks, tell him to man up, he's still got a kid that you are seeing on his days of custody. But it sounds like he's truly with the LPO. he better be careful, even if he's getting out soon, someone in the upper echelon of his command sees pics or sees them out together romantically, it can be nasty for her if she is staying in to retirement. We had a couple get caught (not married, both military), they both got sent to different places on the globe with letters of reprimand in their files....

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