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Thread: trying to fight these feelings (disclaimer: some sexual content)

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    Jessierae93's Avatar
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    #1

    trying to fight these feelings (disclaimer: some sexual content)

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    As a lot of you know ex db and I broke up while he was on deployment. There was hardly any communication when I felt he had the opportunity to contact me. And when he did I got one word answers. i found out he would lie to his friends about me. Like one night we got in a fight and he told his friends he kicked me out of bed. Well there were many issues during the deployment. But I went to his homecoming yesterday and it was amazing. It felt great to see him again and spend time with him. Of course we were in a group of people and went back to a party. He had a bit to drink but I didnt think he was wasted. But I ended up staying the night. We did not have sex but we did things close to it. While he was drunk he said "Just because I wasnt able to call you dosnt mean I didnt miss you" and "I still like you". When we slept he would wrap his arm around me and I would wake up scared as hell as to what I was getting myself into. Then he woke up saying he didnt remember anything that happened. I dont know if he is lying to make it not seem bad or get complicated because I didnt think he was that out of it. But I was ok with it because I didnt want it to be complicated either. But on the drive back to school today I kept having little moments where I would just cry. And I didnt know what for. I was supposed to go back to school right after I said hi to him and took him back to his barracks but he needed help with somethings and I ended up just staying. Maybe I feel like I jumped the gun and ended it but I also know he is a liar and im one of those girls that thinks she can change a guy. ANy advise or encouraging words.
  2. In vino veritas
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Jessierae93 View Post
    As a lot of you know ex db and I broke up while he was on deployment. There was hardly any communication when I felt he had the opportunity to contact me. And when he did I got one word answers. i found out he would lie to his friends about me. Like one night we got in a fight and he told his friends he kicked me out of bed. Well there were many issues during the deployment. But I went to his homecoming yesterday and it was amazing. It felt great to see him again and spend time with him. Of course we were in a group of people and went back to a party. He had a bit to drink but I didnt think he was wasted. But I ended up staying the night. We did not have sex but we did things close to it. While he was drunk he said "Just because I wasnt able to call you dosnt mean I didnt miss you" and "I still like you". When we slept he would wrap his arm around me and I would wake up scared as hell as to what I was getting myself into. Then he woke up saying he didnt remember anything that happened. I dont know if he is lying to make it not seem bad or get complicated because I didnt think he was that out of it. But I was ok with it because I didnt want it to be complicated either. But on the drive back to school today I kept having little moments where I would just cry. And I didnt know what for. I was supposed to go back to school right after I said hi to him and took him back to his barracks but he needed help with somethings and I ended up just staying. Maybe I feel like I jumped the gun and ended it but I also know he is a liar and im one of those girls that thinks she can change a guy. ANy advise or encouraging words.
    The following is tough love. If you dont want tough love, dont continue reading.

    You have your answer in the bold. He is a liar. Do you want to be with a liar? Could you trust a liar? Would you want to marry a liar? Or have kids with a liar and have those children have a father who is a liar? No. So dont waste your time on him. Also, you think you can change him? You cant. He has to change himself, and no amount of you pushing, pleading, begging, crying or manipulating will change him. He will not change. Cut all contact because if you keep seeing him and hooking up, you wont get over him. Just block him and move onto better men.
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    #3
    My advice is, you broke up with him for a reason. Didn't he lie to you about having a FB when he really blocked you? Do you think that's okay to do? Do you really not think there was something else he was hiding? You also believed he lied about how many girls he's slept with. You can not change a guy like that, and you trying to will just end with you heartbroken. It sounds like it was a big mistake going to that homecoming and now you've got yourself all involved again. Also, you JUST had a new DB. I think you need to lay off the guys for awhile, you sound very dependent on men.
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    I agree with Vino. And you don't deserve to be with a guy that you need to change. You deserve a guy who is already a good person and knows what he wants and how to treat you. I'm sorry you're having all these emotions, that's normal after what happened between you two. But to move on, you have to just cut all contact from him. Staying friends, or friends with benefits is only going to drag it out and make it all harder on you.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.VinoVet View Post
    The following is tough love. If you dont want tough love, dont continue reading.

    You have your answer in the bold. He is a liar. Do you want to be with a liar? Could you trust a liar? Would you want to marry a liar? Or have kids with a liar and have those children have a father who is a liar? No. So dont waste your time on him. Also, you think you can change him? You cant. He has to change himself, and no amount of you pushing, pleading, begging, crying or manipulating will change him. He will not change. Cut all contact because if you keep seeing him and hooking up, you wont get over him. Just block him and move onto better men.


    You are putting yourself in a losing situation. As much as it hurts, you won't be able to get over him until you are done with him, in all ways.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Jillybean88 View Post
    I agree with Vino. And you don't deserve to be with a guy that you need to change. You deserve a guy who is already a good person and knows what he wants and how to treat you. I'm sorry you're having all these emotions, that's normal after what happened between you two. But to move on, you have to just cut all contact from him. Staying friends, or friends with benefits is only going to drag it out and make it all harder on you.

    i agree
  7. verabot89
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    #7
    Did you break up with your most recent boyfriend?
    MrsJennyyy is mah wife



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    #8
    Please don't waste years of your life trying to change a man. You can't. No one can.

    Sounds like going to the homecoming was a big mistake... walk away, girl... walk away.
    Do you really think so little of yourself that you would accept a liar?
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by FruitPunch. View Post
    Did you break up with your most recent boyfriend?
    It turns out that was just a fling in his mind. so its whatever

    Thank you guys for the touch love. Thats the kind of answers I need. I really appreciate it. I have never before been the type to depend on a man but I see how I have changed a bit into that. Looks like I should be the one changing myself. Thanks guys again
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    #10
    I know a lot of times comments like some of what has been said above just make you feel worse about yourself...especially if you really are having some emotional issues where you do subconciously think you deserve that kind of treatment. I would recommend going to talk to a professional if you are having a hard time moving forward. I know I have trouble with separating, "I don't deserve this" and "I still feel so bad about it/why can't I just get over it like everyone says to?" and counseling can really help! Don't know if you are at that point but just a suggestion!
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