Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: My heart confuses me.

  1. Senior Member
    Pink2HisCamo's Avatar
    Pink2HisCamo is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Together in North Carolina
    Posts
    688
    Blog Entries
    2
    #1

    My heart confuses me.

    Advertisements
    First off, I'm sorry I keep going back to the topic of ex-df. I just haven't figured things out, you know?

    I have tried to get advice from a couple different places: family, friends, other forums. So far, I've been told that if I stay hung up on him all I deserve is to be a guy's door mat for the rest of my life

    My thing is, is he did it when he was mentally broken (for lack of a better description). He and I have talked about it at length. Minus me finally telling him what I went through when the break up happened, there hasn't been any fighting or hard feelings between us. We have talked about getting back together and it is something that we both want. The only thing keeping us from doing it right now, is that he wants to get better mentally before we do. He's also told me that he has started going to church again "in an attempt to be a better man" for me.

    I can tell he has grown up some. When I told him about joining Virginia's Defense Force, he was actually happy for me. Before, whenever I talked about joining ANY form of military, he got mad at me. Like I said, now he is super supportive.

    Our conversations feel so natural. No, we do not always talk about "us." Most of the time we just talk about life and what's going on. Or, we kind of have Bible study. We do talk about "us" sometimes. Like last night I asked him what was on his mind. His answer was, "not really just tired of bein tired. plus u still on m mind cant get u off of it. its not bad thing i still remember our 1st date at the park u saw baby ducks but they turned out to be leaves." And, we went from there. I found out that he's still wearing the ID bracelet I gave him. It has our anniversary and his nickname for me engraved on the back.

    I guess really, I just need support to make 'til he visits for Christmas. Like I told him the other night, I keep telling myself, "Just make it to December. Then life will go back to normal." He agreed.
  2. Regular Member
    Navy_Em's Avatar
    Navy_Em is offline
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    PA/VA
    Posts
    222
    #2
    I'm not too familiar what your situation is, but I understand all too well the feeling of being in limbo and being unsure where to go or what to do next. My best advice is to take things slowly and focus on you. Take this time to explore who you are, what you want, and focus on your needs or things you just haven't had time to do for yourself. There is no rush to make any decision at this point
  3. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
    Tojai's Avatar
    Tojai is offline
    Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    St. Pete FL
    Posts
    30,026


    #3
    I don't think anyone deserves to be a doormat, no matter what their feelings are.

    I don't really remember your story (sorry I am horrible about that!) so I am not sure exactly what it is that he did that broke ya'll up, or why he thinks going to church is going to fix it. If it's something very serious, I can see why your loved ones might hesitate to celebrate getting back together with him.

    One issue for me is that I don't think going to church is necessarily a "cure all" for going through mental issues. If he's actually suffering from some manner of disorder, he may need professional medical help or that could be a concern of your loved ones as well. The other thing is that if universally, ALL the advice you are getting is to stay away from this guy, maybe there is a reason that every person you ask for advice sees the relationship as a red flag. Are they seeing things you're not and he's not? What is "back to normal" and why will December magically make that happen? Those are the kind of questions I'd be asking as a friend so I hope it doesn't sound harsh, that's just kind of what I'm thinking.

    Again though, you do not deserve to be anyone's doormat, and I'm sorry anyone said that to you. I get tough love but that just seems cruel.
  4. Account Closed
    Jessym's Avatar
    Jessym is offline
    Account Closed
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Me: NorCal Him: Oklahoma
    Posts
    27,751
    Blog Entries
    1
    #4
    I wanted to give you hugs because I remember how hard it is to be away from your ex fiance. Just follow your heart and don't put up with things you shouldn't put up with.
  5. Senior Member
    Pink2HisCamo's Avatar
    Pink2HisCamo is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Together in North Carolina
    Posts
    688
    Blog Entries
    2
    #5
    Thanks for the hugs y'all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    I don't think anyone deserves to be a doormat, no matter what their feelings are.

    I don't really remember your story (sorry I am horrible about that!) so I am not sure exactly what it is that he did that broke ya'll up, or why he thinks going to church is going to fix it. If it's something very serious, I can see why your loved ones might hesitate to celebrate getting back together with him.

    One issue for me is that I don't think going to church is necessarily a "cure all" for going through mental issues. If he's actually suffering from some manner of disorder, he may need professional medical help or that could be a concern of your loved ones as well. The other thing is that if universally, ALL the advice you are getting is to stay away from this guy, maybe there is a reason that every person you ask for advice sees the relationship as a red flag. Are they seeing things you're not and he's not? What is "back to normal" and why will December magically make that happen? Those are the kind of questions I'd be asking as a friend so I hope it doesn't sound harsh, that's just kind of what I'm thinking.

    Again though, you do not deserve to be anyone's doormat, and I'm sorry anyone said that to you. I get tough love but that just seems cruel.
    Basically, he broke and didn't know who he was anymore. He told me that part of it was going from seeing me every other day at home, to only hearing from me in letters at basic, to talking to me every day at AIT. At the same time going from no social life (basic) to nearly a full social life (AIT) that he was having to experience without me. He originally sought help from his chaplain at A.I.T. and his chaplain told him we were getting married for the wrong reasons. He gave ex-df A LOT of really crappy advice. His issues got to the point he was forced to see a therapist or be medically discharged.

    Not everyone is against it. His family wants to see us back together. His dad just wants us to wait until after his first deployment to try again. Most of the people who are against it, are people who generally believe that once you break up with someone, there are no second chances. Some of my older family members (ones who have experience with life) have told me that they truly do believe that it was something mental and that true love waits when it's something the other person can't help. With his therapy, he has been getting better.

    I flat out asked him the other night if there was hope for us and he said yes. Then we talked about it, and decided that since we're already apart, it would probably be best to go ahead and wait until we can see each other face-to-face to change things. That way he has a little more time to work on things. He says he wants to be the best version of himself so that he's someone I can be proud of and trust.

    This just feels like one of those things where, we both KNOW it's going to happen. We're just trying to make sure we don't rush back into it and end up fudging up from being impatient.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •