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Thread: From Ex-Hub to DB

  1. Senior Member
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    #1

    Nutts From Ex-Hub to DB

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    [I am posting this here since it is Life After my Ex Husband]
    Help!

    I was married. Not too long ago either. My family LOVES my ex. We are still friends. No big deal. DB doesn't care. But the issue that I am having is how I introduce the idea of a DB to my extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins) when they really haven't mourned the loss of my ex-husband. He didn't die, but it is a loss. They REALLY like him. He is funny guy. But they also see how happy I am since I left him. It's still kind of fresh.

    I thought of just showing up to Thanksgiving dinner with DB. Let them know ahead of time that I have a plus one of course. Ok here is the thing....I don't want any of them thinking I left exHub for DB. I was friends with DB during my marriage. I don't want them thinking this because I want to protect DB and what we have. If they think for a minute that he was "the other man" they may not give him the time of day. Or perhaps I am being too critical. Wouldn't they just be happy that I am happy? They were when my cousin had her first boyfriend after divorce.

    Should I just come right out and say, "hey I have a boyfriend!" I don't want exhub to know yet though. Mostly because of who it is. He questioned my friendship with DB.

    I just don't want any negativity toward my relationship with DB from anybody! I don't want any speculations or gossip about when it started and all that crap. Especially since I am moving in with him and because no one really knows the entire situation, it is going to look like I am moving in with someone I don't really know. Which is exactly what happened with exhub. (We met online and I move from GA to NYC after only meeting him in person three times.) But it's completely different with DB.

    I just don't know what to do.

    Thoughts, feelings, experiences you would like to share, please feel free.


    "I love you gorgeous and I'm so happy you are mine."
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    #2
    I guess my answer would depend on why you left your ex-husband. If it was just because, and your family liked him, then I would think they would be hesitant towards your new boyfriend. Do they know you're moving in with the current DB or have they never heard of him?


  3. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #3
    I think you need to be open to everyone because you are living together. They will get over your relationship but not the fact you hid it.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by briannanoel View Post
    I guess my answer would depend on why you left your ex-husband. If it was just because, and your family liked him, then I would think they would be hesitant towards your new boyfriend. Do they know you're moving in with the current DB or have they never heard of him?
    I left him because it became obvious that we wanted different things in life and I was not in love with him. I wanted to be happy. I was not happy. I felt trapped.

    Quote Originally Posted by Liz711 View Post
    I think you need to be open to everyone because you are living together. They will get over your relationship but not the fact you hid it.
    They don't know that I am moving in with him and they don't really know that he is the reason I am moving to VA. When they ask why I am moving there I tell them that I have a friend there. I never thought about the reaction once they found out we have been living together all this time.



    Some of my friends tell me it doesn't matter and that I don't need to announce such a thing. Not sure how I feel about that. But at the same time I have found the most amazing love and happiness and I want to share that with my family, you know.


    "I love you gorgeous and I'm so happy you are mine."
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by thenewlaura View Post
    I left him because it became obvious that we wanted different things in life and I was not in love with him. I wanted to be happy. I was not happy. I felt trapped.



    They don't know that I am moving in with him and they don't really know that he is the reason I am moving to VA. When they ask why I am moving there I tell them that I have a friend there. I never thought about the reaction once they found out we have been living together all this time.



    Some of my friends tell me it doesn't matter and that I don't need to announce such a thing. Not sure how I feel about that. But at the same time I have found the most amazing love and happiness and I want to share that with my family, you know.
    Then I would share it. Once they see how happy you are, they will be happy for you. I agree with the PP, if you don't tell them the truth, IMO they will be hurt. You have to give them the chance to react, you might be pleasantly surprised.
    Never do anything halfway unless you want to be half happy.

    Is this a dream? If it is, please don't wake me from this high. I'd become comfortably numb
    until you opened up my eyes to what it's like when everything is right...I can't believe you found me ♥
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    #6
    I think if you keep it from your family that you're living together they are going to be hurt once they find out. I would say, I've met a guy, things have gotten serious, we're moving in together and I'd really like to introduce him to everyone over thanksgiving.


  7. Pour a little salt, we were never here
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    #7
    I don't think you can necessarily control whether they have negative feelings about your new relationship, but you can be open and honest and show them your happiness about it.
  8. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #8
    It can be tricky introducing the new guy when your family still isn't over the ex. But you are, so they should respect your decision. My advice is I would explain your situation to your family before you bring DB around them. It would be awkward for them and him I think if they found out when he was there. If you still are friends with your ex, I would talk to him first to try to head off any ill feelings about the situation. Though, honestly, as far as men go, I would expect he'll feel burned. Not saying you did anything wrong, but men feel betrayed when a friend winds up with their girl/ex-girl, what have you. It's just that territorial lion in them. You are moving in with DB. He is obviously very important to you and you are serious about this relationship. If he treats you well, and you are happy, I think your family will accept him and get over the idea of your ex coming back into the picture. Good luck with sharing your news. You know I'm here if you ever need to talk!


    “It always seems impossible until it's done.”
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    #9
    I'd tell them before introducing him. And I'd especially tell them you're going to live with him before it happens cause that's the type of thing that would make me not like my daughters boyfriends, if he was a part of this secret that she hid, I'd wonder what was wrong with him that he ha to be hid. Like someone else said, they'll get over you moving on but probably won't get over you hiding stuff from them.
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    #10
    just to clarify: my father knows! he has already met him and loves him. (my mom is deceased, that is why I don't speak of her)

    i have no response to the other comments yet. i am still taking it in and thinking...

    and i am not extremely close to my extended family so i guess that is apart of the reason why i am not so gung ho about an announcement if that makes since. i have just started to rebuild relationships with all of them.


    "I love you gorgeous and I'm so happy you are mine."
    Our Day Has Come
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