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Thread: Is this how all guys operate?

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    #1

    Is this how all guys operate?

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    I wasn't sure where else to put this. It definitely doesn't go into the LOVE category because I'm about to start talking about exes here...

    Recently, a friend of mine was seeing a guy. Everything was fine, then all of a sudden he just stopped calling her. Like just plain dropped off the earth. Come to find out, he'd been talking to another girl in another town for a few weeks. They saw each other on a Sat. and the following Mon. he had another girlfriend. Never told my friend anything. No, "hey I think we should see other people"... nothing. Freakin' jerk.

    I've had this happen to me too. The guy just never answered my texts or calls. Never bothered to explain why he didn't want to talk to me either. Just done. So this leads me to my next thought... What the hell? Do all guys do this? Is this just an automatic defense to having to actually DEAL with someone else's feelings other than their own?

    Funny part is, she went on a date with someone else recently... told ex guy about it... and now he's pissed at her. Men... everything is only okay for THEM.

    Similar experiences? Immature? Thoughts?

    It just puzzles me how some people can treat others soo badly...
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by CrummyCupCake View Post
    I wasn't sure where else to put this. It definitely doesn't go into the LOVE category because I'm about to start talking about exes here...

    Recently, a friend of mine was seeing a guy. Everything was fine, then all of a sudden he just stopped calling her. Like just plain dropped off the earth. Come to find out, he'd been talking to another girl in another town for a few weeks. They saw each other on a Sat. and the following Mon. he had another girlfriend. Never told my friend anything. No, "hey I think we should see other people"... nothing. Freakin' jerk.

    I've had this happen to me too. The guy just never answered my texts or calls. Never bothered to explain why he didn't want to talk to me either. Just done. So this leads me to my next thought... What the hell? Do all guys do this? Is this just an automatic defense to having to actually DEAL with someone else's feelings other than their own?

    Funny part is, she went on a date with someone else recently... told ex guy about it... and now he's pissed at her. Men... everything is only okay for THEM.

    Similar experiences? Immature? Thoughts?

    It just puzzles me how some people can treat others soo badly...
    Did your friend and the guy talk about the expectation of exclusivity in the relationship? He may have just been "dating" with no thought to a commitment. Not letting her know he found someone else he was more into was an immature move, though.
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    #3
    I'm not sure of the ins and outs as far as exclusivity between them went. I do know he was telling his friends she was his girl though. I don't know if that's being exclusive? I've been out of the dating game soo long, I'm not sure what guys mean these days. You're right though, very immature.
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    #4
    not all guys, but a lot.

    i lived down the street from a guy in my old condo complex, we went to the same high school but never were friends. he was a firefighter and he worked his ASS off to get me to go out with him. i was hesitant bc i wasnt in the place to want a relationship and i def didnt want a bad one with someone whos house i had to see every time i walked out my front door. but, i gave in. we went out, a lot. saw eachother at least 5x a week, talked every day, hed bring me lunch at work on his off days and id go up to the station on my off days if he was working and bring him and the guys food or cookies or something. things were great for a few months. then out of nowhere, BAM fell off the face of the earth. no calls, no texts, no answering my messages. a week later he had some girl and her daughter moved into his house. how he managed a relationship with her while he was spending so much time with me is beyond my knowledge but he did. whatever guys are douchers
    we kicked deployment #2's butt!

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    #5
    That's ridiculous. I just love how guys think they can have their cake and eat it too.

    I'll admit, even DH has pulled this "I'm gonna ignore you" bit with me in the past. When we were dating. It must be hardwired into them...
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    #6
    I dated a guy once that our fathers were mutual friends. He initiated the relationship and we "dated" for a month or two. I was young and inexperienced, so I totally could have missed some signs, but even looking back now, I still don't see any. We were doing fine, I'd visited him (we lived about 2 hours apart) had dinner with his parents, and I spent the night with him. Didn't have sex, I was still a virgin, but he never pressured me or even acted like he wanted more than just kissing. I thought we were just taking the relationship slow. He even sent me flowers when I got my wisdom teeth removed. I called him as usual and he didn't answer. Left a message he never responded to. Called again the next day, no answer. I think I waited a day or two after that (we had been talking for a few hours every day by this point) and called a third time and never heard from him. I was done ad over it. And of course, as soon as I started dating someone else (a few weeks after the last call I made to him) he calls me. I didn't answer and he left me a message like nothing had happened. :eyeroll

    Years later I was dating a guy that knew him, and I guess my boyfriend at that time asked him why we broke up. He said it was because I didn't put out. Hearing that made me even more glad things didn't work out. He also said that was the biggest mistake he made.
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    #7
    I've had this happen to me and a few friends a few times.

    As PP's have said, not all, but definitely some or even most guys seem to do this. I guess it's better than them continuing to lead you on though

    There are many fish in the sea, but most seem to be piranhas
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by LACY1020 View Post
    I dated a guy once that our fathers were mutual friends. He initiated the relationship and we "dated" for a month or two. I was young and inexperienced, so I totally could have missed some signs, but even looking back now, I still don't see any. We were doing fine, I'd visited him (we lived about 2 hours apart) had dinner with his parents, and I spent the night with him. Didn't have sex, I was still a virgin, but he never pressured me or even acted like he wanted more than just kissing. I thought we were just taking the relationship slow. He even sent me flowers when I got my wisdom teeth removed. I called him as usual and he didn't answer. Left a message he never responded to. Called again the next day, no answer. I think I waited a day or two after that (we had been talking for a few hours every day by this point) and called a third time and never heard from him. I was done ad over it. And of course, as soon as I started dating someone else (a few weeks after the last call I made to him) he calls me. I didn't answer and he left me a message like nothing had happened. :eyeroll

    Years later I was dating a guy that knew him, and I guess my boyfriend at that time asked him why we broke up. He said it was because I didn't put out. Hearing that made me even more glad things didn't work out. He also said that was the biggest mistake he made.
    Guess it happens more often than I thought. I could never do that to someone. I would at least explain why I don't want to talk anymore. I have to wonder if guys ever make a habit of staying friends after a break up. There's been two times where I wanted to stay friends with the guy after we had broken up, but they made it damn near impossible. Like they both wanted things to end on bad terms so we wouldn't have to talk anymore. I guess neither one of them could really be friends with me because of feelings. At least that's how I took it at the time. Who knows now.

    And men say we're complicated...
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    #9
    I don't think it's necessarily a guy thing so much as an immaturity thing, maybe?

    "Breaking up" or even telling someone you don't want to see them anymore is very likely to end in some kind of confrontation, and conflict is scary. Personally I'm wary about doing things like that just because I've had it end badly - I've cursed out, people have demanded answers as to why they're not for me (and not because they genuinely want to know, but because they want to "argue" the point about why they shouldn't be dumped), and just generally made to feel unsafe before.

    So even though it's not really the right thing to do, I can see why people do it. It's uncomfortable, and it is easier just to avoid the discomfort and disappear.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by canopy0fleaves View Post
    I've had this happen to me and a few friends a few times.

    As PP's have said, not all, but definitely some or even most guys seem to do this. I guess it's better than them continuing to lead you on though

    There are many fish in the sea, but most seem to be piranhas
    Word. I would be lost if I had to date right now. You know, figuring out someone else. I'm glad I have DH... I know exactly how he operates. 7 (almost 8) years of being together will do that! Haha.
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