Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: I'm a little lost

  1. Fresh Newbie
    Kuroeharu's Avatar
    Kuroeharu is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    8
    #1

    I'm a little lost

    Advertisements
    I came on here as per request by some people in my husband's command to get some support.
    A little background into my life, I was a single mom before my husband and I got married and he has not "officially" adopted her because of our problems.
    When we first got married everything was fabulous; I took care of everything he went to work and I tried looking for a job but every time I got an interview he refused to take me or let me drive myself. It was weird but after a while I just stopped trying. Well a year ago today, he cheated on me. He didn't think it was serious and I forgave him. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later and just buried my feelings inside and moved on. Well, we found out about the deployment and I got a little weird, I got really low self esteem cause I was getting so huge and I was always sick. He started treating me like trash; saying "You're always sick, why didn't you do anything today, the house is a mess" ...I was on bedrest what did he expect from me? Well, Our son was born and things seemed to be okay, till he did it again, only this time on the internet, he found another girl and was chatting her up while he was deployed! Saying he couldn't wait to meet her when he got back and he wanted pictures...Well. I threatened Divorce, but I'm scared. I'm confused mostly...he has been showing change since he saw I was serious about leaving, I had papers drawn up and everything. But; I can't move past the fact he did it to me again...Any advice or am I better off just continuing my separation?

    So doesn't help he bashed my looks all the time he made me feel like less of a person and now admits he was emotionally abusive.
  2. Eternal Member
    heyyykooolaid's Avatar
    heyyykooolaid is offline
    Eternal Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Rural black hole
    Posts
    5,901
    #2
    First of all, welcome! I have never been through what you are going through, but I am sorry you're going through this. Do you think there is any hope for your marriage? What about marriage counseling? If he won't go with you, I strongly suggest you at least get some type of counseling for yourself. I really think you would benefit from that.
  3. Fresh Newbie
    Kuroeharu's Avatar
    Kuroeharu is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    8
    #3
    I go to counseling myself normally but not lately no time since I've got both little ones on my own. He said he wants to try counseling but he said that last time and kept putting it off. I think there is hope, but only if he stops treating me like I'm worthless. But I'm so broken down at this point I feel worthless...He did a lot of that whole "Well I make the money; you don't need that" type of stuff.
  4. Fresh Newbie
    Kuroeharu's Avatar
    Kuroeharu is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    8
    #4
    I guess a lot of my confusion is what do I believe now?...He's been acting like the man I originally married vs the guy who has been treating me like crap the last year...and I don't know which ones the one I can trust. Maybe someone's gone through something similar
  5. I'm coming home to you
    canopy's Avatar
    canopy is offline
    I'm coming home to you
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    2,513
    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Kuroeharu View Post
    I came on here as per request by some people in my husband's command to get some support.

    A little background into my life, I was a single mom before my husband and I got married and he has not "officially" adopted her because of our problems.

    When we first got married everything was fabulous; I took care of everything he went to work and I tried looking for a job but every time I got an interview he refused to take me or let me drive myself. It was weird but after a while I just stopped trying.

    Well a year ago today, he cheated on me. He didn't think it was serious and I forgave him. I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later and just buried my feelings inside and moved on.

    Well, we found out about the deployment and I got a little weird, I got really low self esteem cause I was getting so huge and I was always sick. He started treating me like trash; saying "You're always sick, why didn't you do anything today, the house is a mess" ...I was on bedrest what did he expect from me?

    Well, Our son was born and things seemed to be okay, till he did it again, only this time on the internet, he found another girl and was chatting her up while he was deployed! Saying he couldn't wait to meet her when he got back and he wanted pictures...Well.

    I threatened Divorce, but I'm scared. I'm confused mostly...he has been showing change since he saw I was serious about leaving, I had papers drawn up and everything. But; I can't move past the fact he did it to me again...Any advice or am I better off just continuing my separation?

    So doesn't help he bashed my looks all the time he made me feel like less of a person and now admits he was emotionally abusive.
    Sorry, had to break it up a little.

    Honestly, I would leave this guy behind. He's obviously doing you more harm than good at this point. The only thing he really seems to be contributing to your relationship is money.

    However, I don't know your whole relationship. If there really are redeeming qualities about him that you didn't share with us or if you think it's salvageable and want to try, by all means, try to seek couples counseling.

    JMO, though, if he treated me like that, I'd be out of there.

    Also, welcome! And I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time
  6. Fresh Newbie
    Kuroeharu's Avatar
    Kuroeharu is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    8
    #6
    He is not all bad; but my self esteem suffers when he is near me. He is a very good father to my daughter and usually is very kind to me; but it wasn't till the last year that he changed.

    I'm not use to change, I've been a pretty steady person and I don't adjust well my mental issues make it difficult. After him cheating on me and swearing it wasn't how I acted but just that I was sick all the time..I couldn't help but feel like I was worthless. He almost never has anything positive to say about me in the last year but after I caught him again. He changed again, and he is "trying" to be sweet.

    Honestly; I'm not sure if I'll ever find the right answer but his unit knows I've got mental problems and don't know the full details of what is going on but they want me to talk to someone. Since going to therapy is out of the question right now Here I am.
  7. Fresh Newbie
    Kuroeharu's Avatar
    Kuroeharu is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    8
    #7
    I could write a essay that would give a better view but ...Dear lord...the phrase tl;dr comes to mind.
  8. Do or do not... There is no try.~ Yoda, Jedi Master
    Crystal's Avatar
    Crystal is offline
    Do or do not... There is no try.~ Yoda, Jedi Master
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    "Well, if there's a bright center to the universe, you're on the planet that it's farthest from."
    Posts
    53,549




    #8
    Do you live near a base?
    I'm not Lynn, but we ARE MSOS Best Friends and MSOS Twins.
  9. Fresh Newbie
    Kuroeharu's Avatar
    Kuroeharu is offline
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Arizona
    Posts
    8
    #9
    Yea, about 20 minutes from the Air force base.
  10. Do or do not... There is no try.~ Yoda, Jedi Master
    Crystal's Avatar
    Crystal is offline
    Do or do not... There is no try.~ Yoda, Jedi Master
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    "Well, if there's a bright center to the universe, you're on the planet that it's farthest from."
    Posts
    53,549




    #10
    IMO, you might try speaking with an MFLC via the AFRC on base. They are a therapist who works with you, confidentially. You don't even have to give your last name to them.
    I'm not Lynn, but we ARE MSOS Best Friends and MSOS Twins.
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •