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Thread: Never Thought I'd Be Here...

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    #1

    Sad Never Thought I'd Be Here...

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    UPDATE IN POST 22!


    *Sorry if this is a little scattered... I did my best considering the circumstances.

    So I have been trying to find a way to write this post for a while, but just being on the boards has been next to impossible. So after a couple months hiatus from the boards, here I am.

    I never thought I would end up here... in Life After Love. Basically things were perfect until March when we spent 5 weeks fighting almost every day. It was miserable, but we worked through the problems and the pain and by mid-April we were good again, or so I thought. He was stationed in Albania through May of this year and when he came back to the US to visit family and friends - and even me for a few days (red flag?), he went straight into what I'd like to call 'Single Mode.' He acted like he wasn't engaged, yelled at me for 'bothering' him with more than 3 texts, claimed I was suffocating and controlling him, and made sure to tell me what a horrible, terrible person I am. That went on for 4 days and then after he ditched me on our anniversary for dinner with one of his female friends, he decided to break up with me the next day over the phone.

    We didn't talk for 3 days at all, I went to visit friends and family of my own in Kentucky. He heard and saw via facebook and my blog that I was doing good and having fun, so he messaged me. We started talking and he said he wanted to work things out. I spent 7 weeks trying to fix things with him. Three weeks ago I ended things with him, because I started feeling like he wasn't trying to fix things... that he just wanted me around to keep telling him how wonderful he was and how much I loved him without having to return any of it. As it turns out he was lying about wanting to fix things and cheating on me the whole 7 weeks, while talking shit about me to all of his friends. I have never had someone just change so quickly and without explanation. I never imagined that he could have it in him to cheat on me, or treat me as horribly as he did. I feel used and abused and some days completely worthless.

    On top of that, we keep talking to each other (even though he's 8 hours ahead in Russia), and that never ends well. Last night he spent 4 hours yelling at me about how I'm psychotic and that he's 10000000 x better off without me, that I was holding him back and he never wants to talk to me again. Then turned around to message me this morning. Its insane and I just want out of this horrible cycle!

    We were supposed to be getting married. He was supposed to be forever. How the hell am I supposed to move on from this?

    I have my good days and my bad days. I'm doing a little better now than I was 3 weeks ago, but the pain never seems to go away. That's why I thought it was time to get back on the boards. You ladies have been incredibly wonderful, even when I haven't been crazy active, and helped me through some tough stuff the past year and a half. I hope its okay if I stick around the boards, I love the debates and recipes and seeing that there really are wonderful men in the world, I just haven't found mine yet.
    Last edited by flpgirl122210; 08-12-2012 at 06:19 PM.
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    I'm so sorry about all the crap he's been putting you through the last several months. Cut ties completely! Stop talking to him. Even though exDB and I ended on really good terms, we decided to take a break and didn't speak at all for a couple of weeks and didn't even see each other for over a month-his birthday was even during that time. I'm not affiliated with the military anymore, (or any relationship for that matter) but I'm still here, cause yes, it's pretty cool and I learn a lot. I hope everyone else can give you some good advice and things start to look up. I'm so sorry he hurt you like this.
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    Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry.

    I think most importantly for yourself and your sanity, cut communication. Don't answer his calls, skypes, texts, or emails - whichever you two use for communication. Just don't. It's going to be difficult, but it will only end up hurting you even more and making the getting better process that much more difficult.

    Once you've done that, live your life. Start picking yourself up one piece at a time. You deserve someone who treats you with respect, love, and care. You don't deserve this, none of it. You have to tell yourself that every day. You mentioned you two were getting married, so I assume you have a ring? Send it back to him. As soon as you can.

    Do things you love doing, keep occupied with these things. They'll help with the process while keeping you happy.

    In no way, shape, or form will this be easy, but as time goes on, it will get better.


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    Im sorry honey, in time things will get easier I promise!
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    You dont deserve any of that. Putting myself in that position I can only imagine how horrible it feels. I think its just important you know its not you. Whatever his problem is, it is not you. You dont deserve that. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT YOU MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY. Try taking up new activities and hanging out with friends. Cut communication with him for a while atleast. All he is doing is making you feel bad.. making you hurt. Thats not something anyone should have to go through because of their fiance or bf or even just a friend for that matter. Time will heal the pain. I know that sounds rediculous but its so true I think. He obviously just isnt the one for you. I know its hard when you thought it was forever but one day one man will walk into your life and you will know why all the others walked out. Stay strong. I am so sorry and I really hope things start getting better for you soon
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    Quote Originally Posted by KateElizabeth View Post
    Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry.

    I think most importantly for yourself and your sanity, cut communication. Don't answer his calls, skypes, texts, or emails - whichever you two use for communication. Just don't. It's going to be difficult, but it will only end up hurting you even more and making the getting better process that much more difficult.

    Once you've done that, live your life. Start picking yourself up one piece at a time. You deserve someone who treats you with respect, love, and care. You don't deserve this, none of it. You have to tell yourself that every day. You mentioned you two were getting married, so I assume you have a ring? Send it back to him. As soon as you can.

    Do things you love doing, keep occupied with these things. They'll help with the process while keeping you happy.

    In no way, shape, or form will this be easy, but as time goes on, it will get better.


    1. Thank you ladies. I'm trying super hard to stop talking to him, but it feels like there is always a reason we have to talk. :/

    2. To the bolded: I keep debating about sending the ring back... he cheated on me so in a way I want to keep it, but at the same time I just want to get rid of it and send it back. Thoughts?
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    #7
    I'm so sorry.
    As for the ring I'd keep it or pawn it. He gave it to you.
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    #8
    Oh wow I am so sorry! I would def cut all ties from him. What a jerk, you totally deserve better!

    ETA:
    As far as the ring goes I'd pawn it off, cause I can't stand cheaters. Also it's yours, he gave it to you.
    More

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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by flpgirl122210 View Post
    1. Thank you ladies. I'm trying super hard to stop talking to him, but it feels like there is always a reason we have to talk. :/

    2. To the bolded: I keep debating about sending the ring back... he cheated on me so in a way I want to keep it, but at the same time I just want to get rid of it and send it back. Thoughts?
    Honestly, I'd still send it back. I think it'll be a bigger slap in the face to him if you sent it back since you said after seeing you moving on the first time kind of got to him.

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    I'm so sorry you're going through this On the brighter side, atleast you've discovered this guy's true character before marrying him, and having 82 of his children. I agree with the other ladies that you have to completely cut contact with him, block him on fb and get rid of his numbers. It's absolutely essential for you to be able to move on.. Cause right now he still sorta "has" you, and it's a boost to his inflamed ego when he can argue with you for 4 hours and try to kick you down. Don't give him that opportunity--he is playing with you, and NOT worth another second of your time. You sound like a loving girl who is a great catch, and you need to realize that There are so many great men out there who would never put you through that. This guy doesn't deserve you. Hang in there sweetie
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