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Thread: I deserve a good man

  1. livestrong
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    #1

    I deserve a good man

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    and so after months of ups and downs, more downs than ups. I have decided to walk away myself. I have decided that it's time to end emotional neglect and alienation along with short fuze, unappreciation, lack of any bonding, lack of any plans to see each other again - maybe summer, maybe fall, lack of any interest in my day or life in general.
    I have decided to leave a man who although wonderful at first, was always removed, always inaccessible, always not into us really 100%, always telling me things I wanted to hear, but never following through on anything he said he would do.
    I wrote him this letter and feel ok with it. I feel lighter and feel like at the age when next month I will turn 39, I deserve a man that will be into me as much as I am into him.

    I hope this letter hopes anyone who is struggling remembering not what they are not worth, but what we are worth. And we are worth a lot.

    There will be a man who will appreciate me for me and for what I can give freely and willingly.

    I owe it to myself to be open to a possibility to one day meet someone who will want to be in my life as much as I want to be in his.

    We ALL do.
    We are all worth it.



    This is what I wrote and as much as it is hard to let go, because I can pretty much guess what his reaction will be and I do not expect any replies, I feel ok with it. I feel ok to finally let go and stop being in a relationship that makes me feel like an unlovable troll.


    The letter:



    Hi,

    I've been doing a lot of thinking about how I am feeling currently in our relationship. It has me feeling that there is something wrong with me, that it's my fault, that I'm not good enough, that I cause all this turmoil. When in fact, none of it is my fault, but I blame myself. I'm starting to see you as someone I love very much, but also love the memory of who I thought you were. I'm starting to see a man who is selfish and uncaring, rude with me for no reasons and has absolutely no respect for me as a person or even a woman he might have at some point want to be with.

    I need to stop being delusional. I feel like I backslid and am in a place I walked out of a few years ago with very many good reasons. I do not plan on being in that again. Ever.
    I understand that you are having a hard time in your life right now. But so is everyone else.
    I spend countless times thinking about you and worrying about things that have nothing to do with me and how I can help you even in the smallest of ways and brighten your day. I doubt you do the same for me. I doubt you worry and think about my life and my stress and what I'm going through on daily basis.

    I need to be with a man who cares about me. I need a man who genuinely wants to be with me. Not a man who can't even put two reasons together why he is with me, because the only obvious one is because there is no one around the corner right this minute. I need a man who will be attracted to me. Who will be happy to talk to me and make me laugh. I need a man who will want to go places with me. I deserve a man like that.
    I need a man who will volunteer himself and be open and honest. Not one who will hide stuff and be elusive about anything. I need a man who will openly accept and admit to a relationship with me and be proud of it. Be happy with just being with me. I need a man who will appreciate me and what I can offer.
    I offer a lot to a man who truly wants to be in a meaningful and healthy relationship where both people benefit.

    I should not have to question if we are together or not. If I have to question it, than I already know the answer.
    I should not have to ask to be admitted to.

    I should never waste my time on investing myself emotionally, mentally, physically and financially in a man who does not do the same for me.

    I deserve and owe it to myself to be open to possibilities of having a man in my life who genuinely will love me.

    I do not deserve a man who will just sit back and ride the wave because he knows he can get anything with no effort.
    I do not deserve a man who will have me do the dirty job of trying to maintain things for both.
    I do not deserve a series of red flags flashing in my eye, like you not even taking time to read my texts to you, or like you being so adamant about making sure I am going out of town and we will not talk on weekends. You seem to think that throwing sand in my eyes is ok. I will trust my gut, as nutty as it may be, it has never failed me yet.

    And if I am very wrong - I would be very, very surprised.

    I do not deserve a man who will string me along, have no plans for me in his life and have me sit on the back burner. I offer too much, I dedicate myself too much and I do put a man who is in my life on the fist place. Not many women do that anymore.


    I need you to either step up and get proactive about even my visits to you, since you are not able to come here for indefinite time. I need to know that you are going to invest time and effort even in the tentative way for us to have something to look forward to or permanently leave my life, because this relationship is going nowhere.
    You know how I feel about you. You know how much you mean to me, but I need to love myself and keep my respect from crumbling even more, than it already has. I need to and will put myself first this time.
    I have always put others ahead of me, and never came out on top for that. I always ended shortchanged. No sense doing the same thing and expecting different results.

    If you truly want to be in my life. If you truly love me. If you truly feel about me the way you said and if you truly feel with me when we are together they way you say you do, then there is no reason for you to put that aside and forget about it.
    When a man loves a woman, truly loves her, there is no distance, no health, no money, no circumstances of any kind that will keep him away from her.
    I want to know what that feels like. I deserve it.


    I love you, but it's time to get real.
    Livestrong... is all I can say.
  2. Books are my ink and paper friends.
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    #2
    You seem like such a strong woman, and I'm sure you did what was best for you. Best of luck, OP. You'll get through this.
    IHaveHisHeart is my sexy twin and wifey

  3. Regular Member
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    #3
    Be strong! You know what needs to be done, and you know that you're walking down the path that will lead you to your true happiness.
  4. livestrong
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    its suckage right now. but I just can't do this with one way ticket. It's not getting better. It's getting worse and I already danced to that tune with other people. He's a good guy, but if he comes back with nothing to me or I don't hear from him than there is nothing left. If he comes with overhaul and actually shows me in actions different than maybe there is a ray of hope. I doubt it though. He had me do the dirty deed in this relationship and that is a chicken way men generally do things when they hold onto someone because they are just not that into her.

    I will be a mess for a while, but maybe I will find my peace and solitude in this.
    Livestrong... is all I can say.
  5. Regular Member
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    #5
    What is the dirty deed here? Sex?
  6. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #6
    I'm glad to hear that you realize that you deserve so much better.

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  7. livestrong
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by deaddoc View Post
    What is the dirty deed here? Sex?

    lol no, I wish. there is no more sex. but there could be on his side with someone else. not every day you can find a few dark long hair in a man's bathroom while he lives alone and you are a total blond... :/

    dirty deed as in the way men go passive and let let the women do the breaking instead of them owning up to the "i'm not that into you" anymore gist.
    Livestrong... is all I can say.
  8. Livin~Lovin~Laughin
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    #8
    Life is too short to be with someone who does not treasure you. When I was your age I went through the same thing. I finally walked away from him and it was the best thing I could ever do for myself. It was only then that I found my wonderful husband.

    You can too!

    Expect better for yourself...if you don't, no one else will.





    "Don't worry about being right,
    just worry about being kind."
    ~Tilly Therber
  9. livestrong
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    #9
    you know I love you for this and the other <3
    thank you.
    I'm trying. There is only so much that can be done, and words are not enough when actions scream the opposite.
    Livestrong... is all I can say.
  10. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #10
    I am glad to see that you realize you deserve the best.

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