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Thread: confused

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    #1

    confused

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    He's driving to Colorado tomorrow. I was talking to his sister about unrelated things and she said that he told her (I know, I know) that he wants to talk to me when he gets put here and work things out. But that thought didn't make me happy. I'm so torn. I do love him and want to work things out, but I'm also so tired of talking about stuff only to have the same conversation a few months later.

    At the same time, I don't want to give up on my best friend based on how we both handled our first long-term, and long distance, relationship.

    But he's also being a tool right now and I'm not sure how to get past it

    Buh. I just want the last few weeks of our relationship to have not happened



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  2. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #2


    If you need to step back from the friendship, it doesn't mean you can't ever be friends with him ever again. It's ok to take some time to heal, away from him, and then to rekindle the friendship later when you both are ready. And maybe then you could work on rekindling the relationship too?
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post


    If you need to step back from the friendship, it doesn't mean you can't ever be friends with him ever again. It's ok to take some time to heal, away from him, and then to rekindle the friendship later when you both are ready. And maybe then you could work on rekindling the relationship too?
    I don't know that he'd wait for me again. I just...I just don't know.



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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by norabora View Post
    I don't know that he'd wait for me again. I just...I just don't know.
    If he wouldn't wait for you to heal from the pain you are feeling...what kind of friend is he, really?
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by ChandyPandy View Post
    If he wouldn't wait for you to heal from the pain you are feeling...what kind of friend is he, really?



    OP I don't know if it's really how it is but from the way you talk about him he sounds very insensitive and like you're on eggshells just trying to keep him happy.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by ChandyPandy View Post
    If he wouldn't wait for you to heal from the pain you are feeling...what kind of friend is he, really?
    Quote Originally Posted by Candice. View Post



    OP I don't know if it's really how it is but from the way you talk about him he sounds very insensitive and like you're on eggshells just trying to keep him happy.


    And if anything, you can tell him exactly what you told us and you can gauge his reaction.

    Also, if you decide that after talking with him that you want to work on things, you can take things very slow. You don't have to jump right back where you two used to be. But I'm just working with a little bit of information about you two that I've read on here.

    And if you do decide to work on things, no one said the ball had to go into his court. Keep the ball in yours, see how he acts and if he goes back to his usual behaviors, be done. Take care of No.1. Take care of you.

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  7. Preaching from the book of Johnny Cash...
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    #7
    Nora

    you need to stand up and have more respect for yourself. stop allowing him to treat you this way. i think it's really shitty that he wanted nothing to do with you untill he moved there, you deserve much more and much better
  8. Dancing Backwards in High Heels
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    #8
    It really sounds like he's trying to keep you strung out on him. Hopefully things improve for you!
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    #9
    I said it one of your many threads on this subject, and I'll say it again...albeit a little differently.

    Sometimes you have to sit with the discomfort while others figure things out, including whether they want to be in a relationship with you. You can't control everyone and everything. You can only control yourself.

    Do your thing, and give him time to breathe and figure out what he wants, and...this is key...let him come to you. All your e-mails and texts and calls, are probably not helping. In fact, it's probably overwhelming him and pushing him away. If he wants to be with you, he will. You don't have to remind him you exist...cuz if you do...he doesn't want to be with you anyway.

    Honestly...I find all your threads/posts on this subject a little overwhelming myself. I keep thinking...good grief woman!!! give it a rest will you. I can't imagine how he must be feeling. I just know...if it was me...I'd be running for the hills!! Doesn't make me...or him...a bad person or treating you horribly...just means sometimes it's just too much handle and overwhelming.

    Breathe...be patient...and stop obsessing about it.

    Good luck...and I hope he contacts you, and you find some peace.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Cat5 View Post
    I said it one of your many threads on this subject, and I'll say it again...albeit a little differently.

    Sometimes you have to sit with the discomfort while others figure things out, including whether they want to be in a relationship with you. You can't control everyone and everything. You can only control yourself.

    Do your thing, and give him time to breathe and figure out what he wants, and...this is key...let him come to you. All your e-mails and texts and calls, are probably not helping. In fact, it's probably overwhelming him and pushing him away. If he wants to be with you, he will. You don't have to remind him you exist...cuz if you do...he doesn't want to be with you anyway.

    Honestly...I find all your threads/posts on this subject a little overwhelming myself. I keep thinking...good grief woman!!! give it a rest will you. I can't imagine how he must be feeling. I just know...if it was me...I'd be running for the hills!! Doesn't make me...or him...a bad person or treating you horribly...just means sometimes it's just too much handle and overwhelming.

    Breathe...be patient...and stop obsessing about it.

    Good luck...and I hope he contacts you, and you find some peace.
    For the record, I haven't contacted him in a week. I've put it on him to talk to me. But I get what you're saying. We have very different ways of dealing with issues, I want to talk about them and he wants to think about it individually. It's something we're going to have to compromise on if we do work things out, but it's been a problem in the past.



    You guys are right. I do spend a lot of time walking on eggshells to make him happy. But honestly, and I'm not saying this to be self-deprecating or to make me the bad guy, a lot of it comes from my insecurity which relates back to my dad and how we had to be around him a lot of the time. True, Luke hasn't always made it easier, but I definitely project a lot of my issues with my dad onto our relationship and I've been trying really hard not to.

    If we do work things out, you bet I'm gonna be taking it slow. I almost want to say that we should just start over. Square one. We're getting to know each other all over again anyway since we've been LD for 2 years, so it would be the right time to do it. But that's even if we can get past where we are now.


    I really want you guys to know how much it means to me that you read these and comment or just give me hugs. I appreciate it so much. I really am listening to, and thinking about, what you're saying. I promise I'm not just brushing it away cause "you don't know him" or "you don't know us" or blah blah. It's because of you guys that I have been able to take this as seriously as I have and not just caved to him, and my need to please, and said "you're right, it was all my fault".

    Thank you so much.
    Last edited by norabora; 04-30-2012 at 11:30 PM. Reason: spelling fail



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