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Thread: How to get over it?

  1. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #1

    How to get over it?

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    Any advice, or good thoughts or anything would be appreciated. Ex and I were together for 4 years, broken up almost 5 months. I cut off all contact, I got a new job, doing well in school, got a new car. I am doing very well for myself. I know he left me for another girl. They were dating a week later. How do I not feel like shit? How do I not think of him? I would never want to be back with him. He manipulated me and bordered on verbal abuse. Made me feel guilty about everything. But I feel like I am not good enough if he left me for someone else. How do I get over that?

    I blocked him on Facebook so can't see anything of his. But some mutual friends bring him up, and it hurts. It hurts to hear he is doing well, having fun, whatever. I just want to be over him and not hurt. Anything would help at this point. Even tough love. Please. Sorry if this doesn't make sense,
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    #2


    I'm sorry you're hurting. However, I think you are doing a great job focusing on yourself and it sounds like you are really doing well! I think you should be proud of yourself!

    It's going to take time to get away from the hurt that comes when you hear of him. Just know that people are probably telling him that you are doing well too. I think you just need to continue on with what you are doing and focus on your life.

    Four years is a long time to be in a relationship with someone. I know it sucks to hear, but it's probably going to take more time for the hurt to go away.
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    #3
    It really just takes time. My ex left me for another girl, and later I found out he had been dating her for months before we broke up. I still loved him, and I wanted to do anything to be with him even though he treated me like crap and the last 6-8 months of our relationship were terrible.

    It took time, and finding another someone to love honestly.


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    #4
    I am so sorry you're going through this! I went through something similar with my ex and mutual friends and I think the reminders make it a more difficult/drawn out process. Unfortunately I don't know of a quick way to get over it. I DO know what I did was re-focus my life on things in my control so I could feel good about myself on my own again. I kept busy, I met with friends, I went to the gym, I redecorated a bit (new duvet cover, removed things that reminded me of him, etc). I set mini goals for myself (with a friend's help) and tried to achieve them...which helped keep me from thinking of the ex and gave me something to be proud of. Most importantly I kept reminding myself that it was NOT my fault he left. That if he was going to be the kind of person that cheated, then he didn't deserve me anyway, and he did me a favor by freeing me to find someone better!

    I don't know if any of this helps but I DO know that you will feel better, it just takes time...and the fact you don't want him back means you're headed in the right direction. Hang in there and it will get easier, I promise!

    x10000 if you ever want to vent or anything, you can PM me. I have been there, so know how much it can suck
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  5. skp
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by briannanoel View Post
    It really just takes time. My ex left me for another girl, and later I found out he had been dating her for months before we broke up. I still loved him, and I wanted to do anything to be with him even though he treated me like crap and the last 6-8 months of our relationship were terrible.

    It took time, and finding another someone to love honestly.
    I've been in this same situation. Time will help. Meeting new people helped me. You WILL find someone better out there for you.

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    #6
    I know when I left my ex last year, I gutted a lot of stuff. I not only stopped talking to him but I even stopped talking to people I knew through him. (How I weeded them out was I asked what I was really gaining from the friendship. To me, it wasn't worth it because I met them through him anyway.)

    As for getting over the negativity, start new habits. Do things you wouldn't normally do. Its kind of like a smoker who's trying to quit. If they have a cup of coffee and a cigarette every morning, the next morning they could have tea and go for a walk instead. KWIM? Your brain got used to thinking a certain way because you were with him, now you have to retrain your brain.

    Also, it takes time. I'm still having trouble breaking some of the habits left from the last guy. But I'm able to recognize them and do something different. So its just about knowing yourself better too. Knowing the difference between you and the behavior you were accustomed too.

    If anything else, take it one day at a time. You'll have some bad days where you'll cry and want to talk to him again. Just ride it out and the next day, do some self care. (walk, get nails done, etc.)
  7. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #7
    Thanks everyone. It's just hard. I really appreciate all the advice. I honestly do not think I love him, I really do hate change as a person. I think that is part of it. Also it's kinda a pride thing for me, it would have been easier if he had never gone with someone else right after. I feel like he had no respect for our relationship. I just feel like I will never meet anyone. I just want my happy fairy tale love. I don't think I am going to get it.

    I am definitely going to try to stop talking to some mutual acquaintances, and doing new things. I am really focused on my nursing program, which helps, but I still find myself thinking about random things about him or our relationship. I want to stop thinking about him! But I know it will take time. I really appreciate all of the support though!!!
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    #8
    Reading your post was almost EXACTLY like reading what happened to me, except that its been almost a year. Creepy similar though. We were together for 4 years, he left me for someone else, they were dating with in the week, and he was verbally abusive and just not a nice person to me.

    I had a lot of self worth that I had to gain back after we broke up. I'd gained weight while dating him, and he reminded me every day how much prettier I was beforehand.

    The sense of not having our relationship mean anything to him (since he clearly was cheating on me and left me for her) was the part I had the worst time with. He was my best friend, and I just felt SO betrayed. I surrounded myself with friends, threw myself into my job, and planned a couple of vacations just to change things up. Honestly the part I had the hardest time with is that I was alone (we lived together) a lot more. I had roommates but it was still hard. I started cycling just to do something new and focus on something else. I also started doing things alone on purpose, shopping, going to movies, etc etc just to prove to myself that I could. Eventually, it got easier, especially when I realized how much better I was with out him. Every day was a struggle though.

    We broke up at the end of May last year, so its been about 11 months. I found out he got engaged about 2 weeks ago (to the same girl he cheated on me with). It stung, but I was able to realize how much I'd grown in the past year.


    I did sit down one day and make a list of all the pros and cons of life w him vs life with out. It was a lot easier for me to realize that even on paper, we should never have been together. I'm pretty analytical, so that was the easiest way for me to really "see" it.

    As sucky as it is to hear, time really does heal more than anything else. The whole stay busy, make new friends, and just letting time pass is really quite true.

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    #9
    Well the thing about guys like him, that like to control/abuse (verbal or physical) is that if they CAN'T control their girl, they move on (or something more sinister). You seem to be a strong young lady who cut ties and moved on when you two broke up. Of course he is having a great time and having fun. His new girl has not gotten sick of his control yet. Give it time, lol. He's a cheater and controller, thank the stars you saw it and got out. That you were strong enough to say, "uh uh, not me" when he cheated is wonderful and telling. A LOT of women want to be loved and needed and THAT, not a great guy, is what holds them. Anyone loving them is better than no one loving them. You're better than that. and as you said, time....



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  10. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Judi89 View Post
    Well the thing about guys like him, that like to control/abuse (verbal or physical) is that if they CAN'T control their girl, they move on (or something more sinister). You seem to be a strong young lady who cut ties and moved on when you two broke up. Of course he is having a great time and having fun. His new girl has not gotten sick of his control yet. Give it time, lol. He's a cheater and controller, thank the stars you saw it and got out. That you were strong enough to say, "uh uh, not me" when he cheated is wonderful and telling. A LOT of women want to be loved and needed and THAT, not a great guy, is what holds them. Anyone loving them is better than no one loving them. You're better than that. and as you said, time....
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