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Thread: He doesn't want me to wait but says he loves me more than anything..

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    #1

    He doesn't want me to wait but says he loves me more than anything..

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    My ex and I have know each other since 6th grade and we always liked each other but I guess it was just never the right time. He joined the army 3 yrs ago and is in Korea. We started talking and skyping all the time and started dating and said we would just see what happens. We fell completely in love. And there was never a bad time or a time where either of us showed signs of getting bored or wanting to end it. The whole time we talke he always said he was confused about what he was going to do with his career because he was going to re enlist but he didnt know what he really wante to do.

    Then last week we talked in Monday morning and everything was still fine and he talked about when he was coming home to visit and was saying he loved me and missed me and he would call me the next morning. He didn't call at the time he was supposed to. So about two hours later I called him and he didn't answer. Then the next day he didn't call and then I called him several times because it wasn't like him to not call or text. he never answered or texted back and it went on for two more days but he was still updating facebook. So Friday I said I was over this an that I at least deserved to know what was going on.

    We finally talked and he said he knew what he was doing with his career and that he won't be home for a long time and he wants to go to unit that's deploying when hes done with Korea in a couple months and that he didn't want to make me wait. He said he loved me and I'm the most important thing to him but he doesn't want to hurt me and I deserve to be with someone who will be able to be there for me. I was so crushed. I had been waiting to be with him and hes waited to be with me for like 10 years and it finally happend and we were so happy an then it just stopped with no warning

    . I want believe him. But everyone keeps telling me he was just using me. I've known him for so long and know he's not that type of person. I've read that a lot of military guys do this. I just don't know if I'm being an idiot or if he really cares and just doesn want to hurt either of us. I don't know how to make him understand I will stand behind him and I'm willing to wait. And I just don't know where to go from here. I know I need to not call him and text him, give him and i our space for awhile. I'm just scared. And was wondering if anyone has had a similar experience or any advice on what to do. I would be so grateful because I'm so lost right now. I I know he said he's seen what happens when guys deploy and their girlfriends and wives cheat on them and it disgusts him and scares him. I just want to be given the option and chance to show him I'm not like that and that I love him so much. He's just became such a good friend, like my best friend. Im rambling. I just need some advice because no one I know has had to deal with a military life style. Anything would be appreciated.
    Last edited by Dani_87; 04-15-2012 at 10:59 PM.
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    #2
    Actions speak louder than words in that situation. Continue to be a friend and support him as such if that's what you want to do but he may very well just not be interested in being in a relationship at this point in his career.

    Also, chop your post into normal paragraphs. That was really difficult to read as one big text blob. It might help others who might try to read it.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Jazmine View Post
    Actions speak louder than words in that situation. Continue to be a friend and support him as such if that's what you want to do but he may very well just not be interested in being in a relationship at this point in his career.

    Also, chop your post into normal paragraphs. That was really difficult to read as one big text blob. It might help others who might try to read it.


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  4. Don't you know, don't you know that you're beautiful?
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    #4
    So many . My DB recently went through a period of time where he shut me out as well. It was such a hard time. We'd been long distance for two years, and he just suddenly shut me out. He later said he was just afraid, and had to truly process what a big part of his life I had become.

    Remind him that you are willing to support him. That what you do is out of love. While it may sometimes feel like a burden to wait, you truly believe it is worth it.

    I hope things start to look up soon!
    blondiebabe is my twin! Distance Divas SailorsGoddess is my wifey!
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    #5
    I hope you figure everything out. Ive never even in that situation, but I would just give him space and be his friend until he figures out what it is he wants.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Jazmine View Post
    Actions speak louder than words in that situation. Continue to be a friend and support him as such if that's what you want to do but he may very well just not be interested in being in a relationship at this point in his career.

    Also, chop your post into normal paragraphs. That was really difficult to read as one big text blob. It might help others who might try to read it.

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    #7
    Hi And Welcome....

    DB and I were long distance before he was deployed and will still be long distance for a few months when he comes back. We met in high school and dated so our story is a bit similar. When we started talking again I felt like I had a best friend back so I know how you feel. Before he deployed things were going great as a long distance relationship. We knew that he was going to Afghanistan and so we planned a trip for me to visit before he deployed.

    Then out of the blue right before I was supposed to visit he called and said he didn't want me to come and that he wanted us to cool it some. I was completely derailed because I didn't understand his 180. But all my friends said to just give him time and be his friend and he would see what he was missing and what he truly wanted. They were right

    Less than 4 months later we were together before he deployed. Later he told me that it was scary of thinking of starting a new relationship before a deployment because the distance can be hard or you just never know if the person left at home is really going to wait for you..... but he also said that he realized he didn't want to miss his chance with me either.

    I only told you all this because I know you must have a lot of doubts right now. Try to stay strong, give him some space, be his friend and be supportive if you can and I hope he sees very soon what he will be missing if he doesn't change his tune! Best wishes
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Jazmine View Post
    Actions speak louder than words in that situation. Continue to be a friend and support him as such if that's what you want to do but he may very well just not be interested in being in a relationship at this point in his career.

    Also, chop your post into normal paragraphs. That was really difficult to read as one big text blob. It might help others who might try to read it.
    ditto...and maybe he isn't that into this relationship and maybe just didn't see a future with you. I know you want to be with him, but you can't make him be with you if its not meant to be. Honestly i would just honor his request, and try to make the best of it. Maybe you two are best at friends, maybe this was all one sided. Just try to keep yourself busy, and it may be easier said then done, move on. Keep him as a friend, or if its too much, let him go for a while until you can be on just a "friends" term.

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