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Thread: we talked [LONG]

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    #1

    we talked [LONG]

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    last night.

    It was really rough. But it was good. Well, it was a good first step.

    He somehow got it in his head that I was trying to make him choose between me and his friends, which I would never do and have never done. The problem is, what he was doing was making it seem like he was choosing his friends over me which is why I asked about it in the conversation on Saturday. The other problem is, I was in no state to be patient with him and let him explain the way he needs to (which is godawful slow) and I was so wrapped up in feeling like he didn't want to talk to me that even though he apologized for his behavior, I couldn't process it.

    Now, that's not to say that the direction the conversation took was all my fault either. I had asked him, point blank (a while into the conversation), "what do you want to do?" and he said "what I've been doing". So I said "to clarify, that's hanging out with your friends and ignoring me" and since he was fed up and felt like I was trying to make him choose, he said "yes". And that was the final straw for me and I said "ok, well then we can't give each other what we need, so I guess this is it".


    Anyway, it was a rough conversation. He was pissed at me for overreacting and not letting him explain, I still didn't understand why he couldn't just talk to me. It took a while for us to start understanding each other. I still don't know why he thought I was trying to make him choose. But he apologized for what he said and for not contacting me until after I contacted him. And I told him that I accepted his apology from Saturday about not calling before, it wasn't right of me to go off the handle even after he apologized.

    We agreed that we want to be together, but we can't go on with the way things have been. We have a lot of work that needs to be done and there was a lot of pressure on us from one another, which he acknowledged was mostly his fault cause of bringing up marriage so early on and pushing it hardcore despite me telling him many times I wasn't ready and didn't think we were ready. We both said that we're willing to work on it. But, to keep the pressure off, we're not putting any kind of time limit or anything. It's just...we're gonna talk as we talk. I might shoot him an email this weekend when I get my hair cut and say "hey, here's my new look. hope you're having a good weekend. look forward to talking to you." just to keep the lines of communication open.

    His behavior was still not ok, and him thinking that I was making him choose makes me worry cause I don't know where that came from, but I didn't expect us to fix it all in one conversation. We'll keep talking. We'll keep working. Maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't. But I'm not gonna give up until I know there's nothing more we can do.

    Thanks for all your support and words of wisdom. I really appreciate it.



    I'm Baaaaaaaack
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    #2
    I'm glad you got a chance to talk. It is a wise decision to take it easy for now. I hope you both can move forward from here.
    http://militarysos.com/forum/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=8121&dateline=1213248817 TAKEN AT NISQUALLY WILDLIFE PRESERVE
  3. Preaching from the book of Johnny Cash...
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  5. The name says it all!
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    I'm here if you need me, girl!

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  9. I've got 32 flavors of that bootylicious bubblegum.
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    #9
    He is going to be in Colorado soon, right? Do you think that will solve some things???


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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by mrsjennyy View Post
    He is going to be in Colorado soon, right? Do you think that will solve some things???
    I don't think it'll solve things. But it will making working on things better. I had always intended that we would work on things more when he got here, but this has just given us a bigger push and taken off some of the pressure, cause it's what we're both thinking about.



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