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Thread: Completely mixed signals

  1. Senior Member
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    #1

    Duh Completely mixed signals

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    So this morning has been stinky so far. The guy who i have been seeing told me that he was not sure if he wanted a relationship. He reactivated his dating profile (which we had previously decided to get rid of).
    He said that he was not sure if he would want to be single when he got into the air force. (which is frustrating when a week ago he was telling me he really liked me and was only waiting to make things official till he was comfortable telling his parents). However this morning, he claimed he liked me as a friend (so i guess he never liked me as more?) but it takes a while for him to like people more than that.

    Right after that though he told me he thought i was a lot of fun, and still wanted to hang out and be friends. i had assumed that this was just something to say to lighten the blow. I told him i am not sure about hanging out, cause he knows i want a relationship and have feelings for him. But he was adimant about still hanging out, and insisted that in time he would likely develop deeper feelings. However when i suggested that if that was the case than we should just take things one step at a time and see how things go (and make a decision regarding what we would do when he left for basic closer to that time).
    When i said this he again went back to the whole 'i am not sure if i am ready for a relationship now, and dont know if i will want one later' line. I do know his last breakup was messy (i do not know many details except that it was so hard on him that he moved across the country and lived with his sister for about 6 months.)
    as of right now things are still very up in the air and he asked me to text him later.

    So basicly i am asking what should i do. I know i need to protect myself and my feelings. I am just not sure if he is freaking out at the potential of a relaitionship after having a messy breakup, or if he is just trying to use me for emotional support (he knows i will not be physical with him unless we are together, even though i did go all the way on the first date), we have only had two dates... however we hung out a total of 4 days in those two dates (yes this is a long distance thing).


    Any insight would be helpful. Also sorry for the rambling post, this only happened like an hour ago so my mind is still a bit jummbled.
  2. Feelin' fly like a Cheesestick
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    If it were me, I'd need to cut ties. If I continued to hang out with him, I'd be hanging onto the possibility of us having a relationship... and I wouldn't be allowing myself opportunities to meet OTHER people.

    Honestly it sounds to me like he doesn't want a COMMITTED relationship. He wants to see what else is out there but he also wants to keep you on the back burner (hence the line about maybe it will work out at some later point but he's not ready right *now*)... but obviously he's still looking if he's on a dating site. I know that doesn't mean he's looking for a serious relationship, but clearly he is looking for SOMEthing with someone ELSE. I wouldn't want to sit around and watch someone I had feelings for date other people. It would just be too hard for ME and I'd rather have a clean break.
    Beth, Mama to Emmalee (12), Evan (9), and Ella (4 on May 7) (I really REALLY need to update my picture!)
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    I know that is the logical thing, but part of me wants to hang on to the hope that he will want to be with me in a commited relationship.

    maybe it is better to cut contact. i think this is only so difficult cause it is stinky timming.
    I also in part feel misslead. Like why would your reason be i am not ready for a relationship, yet your profile on the dating site was looking for a serious relationship.
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    with BethM. Remember actions speak louder than words, and if his actions contradict his words, then he is too flaky to trust your heart in. I'm sorry for the turmoil you must feel.
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    Quote Originally Posted by QB77 View Post
    with BethM. Remember actions speak louder than words, and if his actions contradict his words, then he is too flaky to trust your heart in. I'm sorry for the turmoil you must feel.
    Its just confusing i supose. part of me wants to believe he is still just messed up from the bad breakup. and that in time he will be fine and want to be with me. but than the other part of me is like you knew you kept trying to talk to him about how how when he was not actively with me he seemed very unintrested.


    I honestly feel like he does like me. but does not want to be tied down until after tech school. and he thinks i will wait around that long.
    I did tell him that if he got rid of his dating profile for good, and wanted to just see where things go i would give him until he left for basic to make a commitment. (and he said okay to that but his profile is still up, and he is still distant).

    This is stinky since this is the first time i really liked anyone enough to consider dating them in a really long time. I feel like such an idiot for letting myself get so emotionally involved so early.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jhr2678 View Post
    Its just confusing i supose. part of me wants to believe he is still just messed up from the bad breakup. and that in time he will be fine and want to be with me. but than the other part of me is like you knew you kept trying to talk to him about how how when he was not actively with me he seemed very unintrested.


    I honestly feel like he does like me. but does not want to be tied down until after tech school. and he thinks i will wait around that long.
    I did tell him that if he got rid of his dating profile for good, and wanted to just see where things go i would give him until he left for basic to make a commitment. (and he said okay to that but his profile is still up, and he is still distant).

    This is stinky since this is the first time i really liked anyone enough to consider dating them in a really long time. I feel like such an idiot for letting myself get so emotionally involved so early.
    don't feel bad if he want you he will come after you...I think you should "fall back" let him come for you...how long have you guys been talking/dating?
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    Quote Originally Posted by QB77 View Post
    don't feel bad if he want you he will come after you...I think you should "fall back" let him come for you...how long have you guys been talking/dating?
    we started talking in february (like the second or first day). we before even meeting decided (per his request) that we should hide our dating profiles since we were both only talking to each other. we met in person on march 4th. so in person time has been not that long.

    I mostly just wish he would be truthful with me. if he is not interested just say it. i hate dealing with unknown stuff.

    When i hear from him later, should i just flat out tell him 'i do not think i can be just friends with you, and think it is best we no longer talk'
    Like i want to word it in a way where it still invites him to contact me, but ONLY if he decides he is looking for something serious
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    #8
    I'll PM you.
  9. Livin~Lovin~Laughin
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    #9
    Him reactivating his dating profile would be all the hint I would need to make my choice. I would move on and tell him to contact you when he's ready to have a relationship. If you are available great, if not, too bad for him.

    Don't play the game. If you agree to play you get turned into a yoyo. He pulls the string and you come spinning back. YOU control the strings..not him.





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    just worry about being kind."
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Solstice View Post
    Him reactivating his dating profile would be all the hint I would need to make my choice. I would move on and tell him to contact you when he's ready to have a relationship. If you are available great, if not, too bad for him.

    Don't play the game. If you agree to play you get turned into a yoyo. He pulls the string and you come spinning back. YOU control the strings..not him.
    You are right. even though he claimed he was not persuing anyone else, if that was the case he would never of reactivated it. Either he is straight up confused, or is trying to play me. either way i do not need to be involved with that.

    I also realized it was a stinky decision between a little bit of hurt now, or just delaying that hurt till later. so i figured it made sense to deal with a little bit less of it right away
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