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Thread: Rough day

  1. verabot89
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    #1

    Rough day

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    So it's been like six weeks now. We've been talking a lot lately, on facebook. I want to talk to him so bad, but I have all this anger and hurt because of him, so when we talk I just end up being kind of mean to him. I know that's not what he needs, and this deployment is hard for him.

    Last night I had a dream that he was home and we were back together. I've had a few dreams that are more or less that exact same thing, but every time the Matt in my dream is better than the real Matt-- he's nicer, and gentler, and more caring.

    This isn't to say when we were together that he wasn't nice or gentle or into me... In fact, the last time I saw him before he deployed, he was incredible. But it was only maybe three weeks into his deployment that everything just did a sort of 180. And then he dumped me lol. Maybe I'm starting to realize that exDB wasn't as 100% amazing as I thought, or maybe I'm starting to realize what it is I'm really missing. I don't know. Maybe that's just me trying to convince myself so this doesn't hurt as bad?

    I hate having dreams like that though. It's like I get broken up with all over again when I wake up.
    Last edited by FruitPunch.; 03-04-2011 at 12:17 AM.
  2. verabot89
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    #2
    fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiineeee ignore me!


  3. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #3
    I'm sorry hun. Break ups are so hard. It sounds like its best if you two just took a break from communicating but I know thats easier said than done
  4. Senior Member
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    #4
    I think it is part of the healing process. after i broke up with an exDB a long time ago i remember the first coupld weeks i would have dreams where he called me to break up with me. or where i was trying to contact him but he would refuse to talk to me. I would wake up feeling even worse cause dream him ignored me.

    I would not rush into talking to him, give it a little more time cause this could just be your brains way of sorting out what it will remember (cause the way the brain works in order to remember things it needs to replay them).

    also i know break ups stink majorly. it will get better.
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    #5
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    #6
    It definitely sounds like you need some time (like months or, at the very least weeks) without talking to him. Having him still be a daily presence in your life doesn't give you time to heal or move on, so the wounds are staying fresh.
  7. Romeo's love...
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    #7
    I hope you start to feel better. I agree with the above that you just may need to cut ties for a little bit so you can heal.
  8. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    It definitely sounds like you need some time (like months or, at the very least weeks) without talking to him. Having him still be a daily presence in your life doesn't give you time to heal or move on, so the wounds are staying fresh.


    It sounds like talking isn't doing either of you any good right now.
  9. Senior Member
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    #9
    I think that our sub-conscious tends to hash out that which we can't while awake. Maybe this indicates that you need some space to soak in this grief. I don't know the history of your relationship but I do know that if you don't mourn it now, you'll be forced to confront it in unexpected ways in the future...we carry that baggage over to new relationships. I used to have dreams about my exDB and his dream self was always so much better. I'd wake up so angry and confused. Maybe it would help to write out the reality of things?

    As for talking to him, that's your decision. If he just sort of dropped you before, that doesn't sound like someone who is going to care for you the way that you need - no matter how awesome his excuse was. It's only natural to WANT to talk to him...obviously you were attracted to him before and you can't expect that to suddenly go away. But is it what's best for you?

    I hope that you gain clarity and peace with this! Best of luck

  10. verabot89
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    #10
    thanks all... I know I probably shouldn't talk to him. I want both to forget he ever existed and have him back in my life all at the same time. I think even if he asked me today to get back together, it wouldn't be the same. I look at him a lot differently now. I guess maybe the way he is in my dream is the way I wish it stayed. Bah humbug. I was really willing and ready to spend the rest of my life with him and I'm just trying to pick up those pieces, I guess.
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