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Thread: What gives?? (very very long)

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    Rachie78's Avatar
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    #1

    Suspicious What gives?? (very very long)

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    I think this is more of a vent than anything, but I gotta get it out! This is going to be very very long! I will shorten this as much as possible...

    OK me and exDB have been "broken up" for almost two months now. He freaked out during traning and didnt speak to me for a while. Ok so he comes back for a little R&R (got more time than he thought he would) before he had to go to his next duty station (Germany)...

    So during his time here, we spent a good amount of time together...we talked about the break up, said the "I love you", "I miss you", hooked up (yes I know...), it was as if NO time has passed since he last left (we lived together), everything fell right back into place....and basically acted like we were together...

    The night before he left for Germany, I went over to his parents house one last time and ended up watching a movie w/ his whole family while he wanted to cuddle w/ me then asked me to spend the night so I'd be there in the morning...so I did, we said our last goodbyes and he left.

    He called me before his plane took off, when he landed, and pretty much everyday since hes been there we have talked in some way or another (skyped, text, call...)

    Friday night, I get a call (he had a few to drink but wasnt wasted) saying "lets get married" ....ugh? OK?? umm..."Z....were not together, are you trying to tell me you wanna be together"....he goes "your my future wifey"...."I missssss youuuu" and then got distracted and changed the convo....

    OK so the next day I was like WTF!? so finally I got soo fed up and was like OK whats the deal...you say you "cant" be in a relationship but yet act like we are....I dont get it...so I called him...and this was part of our convo...

    Me: "I think you want this, you get so close, but when you get too close you pull back." "Am I correct"
    Him: "your on the right track"
    Me: "Ok what scares you about being together...having that lable?"
    Him: "If I get hurt, it wouldnt be 'oh my friend Z got hurt', it would be 'my DB got hurt', or the possible cheating, and sometimes I dont have time to call you right away if something happens" (was bascailly his reasons why)

    He also told me to go date other ppl, but of course he wouldnt be thrilled about me dating...or seeing me w/ someone else.

    MY THINKING:
    The distance: yes it sucks, but we both know that we need to do what we need to go to make both our lives better in the end, and I know that I want to be with you in the end, so why not work towards it together?

    You getting injured: is real, but more and likely won’t happen, and it will never be just “my friend” got hurt, it will always be more, I will always worry about you, and the feelings are already set in stone

    The Cheating: honestly, it all comes down to trust. I trust you and you should trust me. We had no issues when you were in training, what’s the difference now? Having sex with some random person for maybe an hour or so would not be worth destroying what we have. It’s just not.

    Time: yes we both will be busy, but seemed to have no issue with speaking to each other everyday since you have been gone…Yes this isn’t the ideal relationship setting, but it can work with a tiny bit of effort and strong feelings for each other

    He said he had to go (it was like 1 AM his time) and said he would call me back and hasnt called back since last night

    So basically

    I'm just going to "let it go for now" and def. back off on trying to talk to him...but really exDB...whats the worst that could happen...we break up? Well were back in the same boat we are now so why not give it a shot??? Why don’t you take that chance now instead taking a huge risk of it not being there later....because you never know whos going to come along...


    THANKS for listening!
    Last edited by Rachie78; 01-09-2011 at 08:56 PM. Reason: typo!
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    #2
    So...did you tell him all that?
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    #3
    the My thinking part??

    Not really...

    I thought of that after we got off the phone!!
    So you say
    The present's just a pleasant
    Interruption to the past
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    #4
    So tell him all that when you talk to him again. I swear, I will never understand people who say they want to be with someone but decide to let it all go.
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    #5
    IDK, thats a huge leap. I would be confused as well as to what was going on in his head.
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    #6
    He sounds really confused. I hope he figures out what he wants, and if he's willing to go for it or not. I know that must be frustrating for you Hope it all works out for the best!
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    #7
    I'm super lost!

    Honestly I think hes just super super scared that he will end up like some of his buddies: cheated on, broken up with..etc etc.

    But like I said, I'll let it go for now, give it some time for "WOO I'm in Germany" to wear off a bit, but def. not going to say no to any guy who ask me on a date (not like I got time to freaking date!)
    Last edited by Rachie78; 01-09-2011 at 08:49 PM. Reason: cant spell!
    So you say
    The present's just a pleasant
    Interruption to the past
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    #8
    This sounds all too familiar... a lot of that is what exDB said to me when he broke up with me. There is more, but still. I hope you get to talk to him soon and you are able to tell him your thoughts on this and what not... best of luck and I'm here if you wanna talk!
    Are you a parent? Ask me how you can help out with my thesis!!
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Just_Webby View Post
    This sounds all too familiar... a lot of that is what exDB said to me when he broke up with me. There is more, but still. I hope you get to talk to him soon and you are able to tell him your thoughts on this and what not... best of luck and I'm here if you wanna talk!
    Thanks! I wish it wasn't like this...and honestly, its kinda like were already in a "relationship" anyways! So I dont wanna push him too too much...

    Its very very very frustrating but I got bigger fish to fry (aka work and started school again)
    So you say
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    Interruption to the past
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Rachie78 View Post
    Thanks! I wish it wasn't like this...and honestly, its kinda like were already in a "relationship" anyways! So I dont wanna push him too too much...

    Its very very very frustrating but I got bigger fish to fry (aka work and started school again)
    Ah yes... the "bigger" fish.... I have grad school to finish this semester, but to be honest, I'm terrified of that fish (and the larger one of the real job looming just behind it...)

    I wish you the best of luck with work and school! What happens happens and in time, if you focus on you it will all be worth it in the end.
    Are you a parent? Ask me how you can help out with my thesis!!
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