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Thread: Just a shoulder to cry on... LONG.

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    #1

    Just a shoulder to cry on... LONG.

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    I don't know if I'm looking for any advice, though any would be appreciated.

    I'm just very upset with my mom and dating. My last boyfriend and I broke up in early November. It was long distance from the beginning, so it was pretty tough. I didn't date over the summer since I was in a lot of therapy and concentrating on summer school, but my relationship before then ended in March... we dated from November 2009 to March 2010. Anyway, so I've had some space between each relationship.

    With all that being said... I told my mom after my most recent break up I didn't want to date. I've been hurt, not necessarily a lot, but what some boyfriends did left a big impression on me. One was very sexually and emotionally abusive. One took advantage of how "nice" I am. I am working on that part. I've gotten a lot better at standing my ground and being a little "picky" about who I date.

    And it is very, VERY hard when every guy breaks up with you for the same reason, even if they use it as a cop out. I often get told "I'm crazy" or "I can't deal with your bipolar" or "I didn't expect this to be so much work."

    I have a come a long way with the help of the right medication and therapy (still in therapy) and I'm proud of how hard I have worked to get where I am, even if I have a lot of work yet to do.

    This was probably more of a vent than anything, but lately my mom has been bugging and nagging and griping about how I'm not dating. She constantly says I'm a "man hater" and I need to stop being so negative. She compares her dating life to mine, which was a lot worse, but she doesn't know everything I've been through. My mom says she didn't give up hope and neither should I. She says it's stupid for me to feel so bad when I've only been hurt a few times, unlike her.

    I haven't given up hope, but I'm tired. I am only 22, but I feel much older. And that is partly due to having bipolar disorder. I'm a lot more emotional that probably most people would be. My mom has even said she thinks men "can sense that part of me and get turned off." Well, I don't know how to turn that part off. I can't.

    I don't know how to make her understand that I am just learning to be happy with myself and that I am ready to date, but I'm not looking. She complains I don't go out enough. I've tried telling her this but she just tells me I need to learn how to reel men in and read some books on courting.

    Sorry this is so long, but it has been on my mind all week. I'm not totally shut off from men or dating, but I'm just not super optimistic about it at the moment. I don't like being alone all the time, but I am getting used to it. Right now it seems better to be alone and be happy than go out and date and be unhappy.

    Thank you to anyone who reads this... I know it's terribly long.
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    #2
    I'm sorry hun... wish I could say something to make it better, but I understand that you probably just needed to get it off your chest. I'm here if you wanna talk...
    Are you a parent? Ask me how you can help out with my thesis!!
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    Thanks. I see my therapist today so I'll spill it to him, but it was just really getting to me this morning. My mom and I were talking about my dating life this morning and after she left for work I just cried. It just hurt for her to tell me I should be more "flirty" and not so "serious." I am not serious when I go out. I laugh and flirt if I feel comfortable.
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    #4
    Sweetie, you can cry on my shoulder anytime!

    Sounds to me like you're doing what's right for you. Focus on that (which I think you are), and remember that only YOU know what YOU need. I think you're on the right track, sweetie....it's very important for you to learn to love and respect yourself.

    Hopefully, you won't be out of the dating scene for toooo long I took a good few years off..... years ago and for different reasons after a WONDERFUL relationship.... but keep fighting for what is best for you.

    And sorry your mom is annoying you! Sometimes it's hard to tune out the negativity. PM me anytime if you want to chat!
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by guerita View Post
    Sweetie, you can cry on my shoulder anytime!

    Sounds to me like you're doing what's right for you. Focus on that (which I think you are), and remember that only YOU know what YOU need. I think you're on the right track, sweetie....it's very important for you to learn to love and respect yourself.

    Hopefully, you won't be out of the dating scene for toooo long I took a good few years off..... years ago and for different reasons after a WONDERFUL relationship.... but keep fighting for what is best for you.

    And sorry your mom is annoying you! Sometimes it's hard to tune out the negativity. PM me anytime if you want to chat!
    Thanks! She just thinks I'm super unhappy because I don't go out that much anymore... but I am happy. Most of the time. But going to a bar isn't going to make me feel any better.
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    I'm sorry I really hope everything gets better and you start feeling better. Like you said you are 22 and young. Someone once told me that you have to be happy and content with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. Keep your head up sweetie it will get better!
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    Quote Originally Posted by soldierissued View Post
    I'm sorry I really hope everything gets better and you start feeling better. Like you said you are 22 and young. Someone once told me that you have to be happy and content with yourself before you can be happy with anyone else. Keep your head up sweetie it will get better!
    Maybe that is my problem....

    Quote Originally Posted by MUWgirl View Post
    Thanks! She just thinks I'm super unhappy because I don't go out that much anymore... but I am happy. Most of the time. But going to a bar isn't going to make me feel any better.
    OP I agree that going to a bar isn't going to make you feel any better and its great that you recognize that... just keep doing what you are doing and know that you have people here who care about you!
    Are you a parent? Ask me how you can help out with my thesis!!
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Just_Webby View Post
    Maybe that is my problem....



    OP I agree that going to a bar isn't going to make you feel any better and its great that you recognize that... just keep doing what you are doing and know that you have people here who care about you!
    I think it is super important to like yourself before you go out and try to convey that to other people. I want to be sincere in all aspects of my life.
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    #9
    I think you need to be true to yourself and not let your mom's comments make you waiver or feel bad about your decisions.


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    #10
    I'm sorry you're having a tough time hun, and that your mum isn't being more supportive. It sounds like you are doing the right thing for you by taking a break from dating. By working through your problems independently you'll be much happier in a relationship when you are ready to have one again. And anyway, who knows, often love is something we find when we aren't looking for it

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