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Thread: (long) Just needing advice.. or if anyone can relate..

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    #1

    Whatever (long) Just needing advice.. or if anyone can relate..

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    Well last Wednesday my husband told me he didn't love me anymore and didn't want to be with me. He said he has been denying it to himself and he was never really ready to get married... It was just out of no where... the day before we had bought our christmas tree we decorated, his parents got us an ornament with our names on it he said he loved it. He right away called his parents to thank them and tell them he loved it.. but then the day after he told me it was like I no longer existed... I felt so defeated and so depressed.. Since it was out of no where I told him we can try conseling we can try anything and he said there were just no feelings. So I just went into super depression mode.. Every person he knows is telling him hes making a huge mistake.. After a long talk with a friend yesterday she helped me realize I need to fight for this marriage and even if in the end he walks away at least I know I tried my hardest and I wasnt the failure he was for not trying... Its so hard though hes telling me I need to move on and focus on finding a place to live and a new job.. I gave up everything for him... my great job my house everything.. now I have to start all over with no where to go and our puppy.. I want to stay strong and positive to fight for this marriage but its so hard Oh I know he hasnt cheated on me... but he just says he hasnt felt anything for a long time....
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    #2
    Lots and lots of . I would suggest going to counseling, and if he won't go with you go by yourself. Also, shouldn't he be the one finding a new place since he's the one that wants to leave, not you? More

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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by BrittanyLynn View Post
    Lots and lots of . I would suggest going to counseling, and if he won't go with you go by yourself. Also, shouldn't he be the one finding a new place since he's the one that wants to leave, not you? More
    ditto....Maybe you should tell him that if he's definitely wanting to divorce, he should look for another place to live, not you. You are on the mortgage or lease right?

    As for the marriage, yes, you can fight but you can't force him stay in the marriage. So I would starting planning for a separation. You may have to get another bank account and start putting your checks in there, if he's set on the divorce, sooner or later he'll start to divert his checks elsewhere.

    good luck
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    #4


    I agree, you should at least try to make him give counseling a shot.

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    #5


    He can't make you leave the house...he should be the one to find a new place if he wants to leave the relationship, not you. That isn't fair to you. And why do you need to find a new job? I am so sorry you are going through this...I really hope everything works out for the best!
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Frybread View Post
    ditto....Maybe you should tell him that if he's definitely wanting to divorce, he should look for another place to live, not you. You are on the mortgage or lease right?

    As for the marriage, yes, you can fight but you can't force him stay in the marriage. So I would starting planning for a separation. You may have to get another bank account and start putting your checks in there, if he's set on the divorce, sooner or later he'll start to divert his checks elsewhere.

    good luck
    I hope it works out for you, and I would fight for it as well... but it takes 2 to fight... Definitely HOPE you can work it out.. and TRY... but prepare for the worst (aka divorce) I am so sorry you are going through this!
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Frybread View Post
    ditto....Maybe you should tell him that if he's definitely wanting to divorce, he should look for another place to live, not you. You are on the mortgage or lease right?

    As for the marriage, yes, you can fight but you can't force him stay in the marriage. So I would starting planning for a separation. You may have to get another bank account and start putting your checks in there, if he's set on the divorce, sooner or later he'll start to divert his checks elsewhere.

    good luck
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    #8
    I agree, try and see if he will work on the marriage to see if this really what he wants or if it is a funk.

    As for the leaving, I can see it both ways, depending on where you live it might be easier for you to leave then to have him leave. But only you and he can decide that.
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    #9
    I would say fight for it as well, but you cant do all of the fighting yourself or else you will become emotionally exhausted. How long have you two been married? Was he deployed or did anything traumatic happen to him recently where maybe he's not thinking straight?

    I'd start out with a trial seperation so he can clear his head and I definitely agree with HIM finding somewhere else to live. You dont all of the sudden just lose feelings for someone over night....especially a spouse, who you made a lifelong commitment to.
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    #10
    Oh no, I'm so very sorry

    I can't really offer any advice, but I think you are doing the right thing in fighting for your marriage! And yeah, if he wants to behave in this completely irrational way, HE needs to find a new place to live. You don't want out, he does. So he needs to be the one to leave...
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."-----Dr. Seuss
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