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Thread: Being Totally Screwed Over -- Need Advice / Options?

  1. Old Newbie
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    Being Totally Screwed Over -- Need Advice / Options?

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    Ok, first things first I would like to say that I am in unique situation and I kindly ask you to read thru the situation in it's entirety before responding. I am a 31 y/o Army service member going thru a rather nasty divorce. I would appreciate constructive options rather than negativity and bashing, since it invariably seems that it is always the soldiers "fault" with past experiences on this board. I am already going thru enough stress with the issues I am listing below and could use workable solutions. Here it goes.

    On September 22nd of this year, I was informed by my civilian wife that she wanted a divorce. This came completely out of the blue and needless to say floored me. After 2 years of engagement and 1 year of marriage this was the last thing I was expected. We had a long and drawn out argument then I left to go to work. We argued via text message for the majority of the day, and I was later informed by her that I would not be allowed to return to post housing. I informed her that until I received notification from my chain of command that I was not to return to post housing, that I would continue to reside at our residence and I suggested that we sit down and discuss the issue when I returned home. After some insistence, she agreed.

    I was shocked by what I discovered when I returned home. A small portion of our household items were sold. Needless to say, I FLIPPED. I informed her that if we were in fact getting a divorce that our household items could not be sold until there was a ruling by a court, because that was in fact a violation of the common property laws of our state of residence. She stated that she owned all of it, which was FALSE since it was in fact my money that paid for a majority of our household goods. I informed her that if she did not cease and desist immediately that I would file for a restraining order to have her removed from our home. Another long drawn out argument insued. Finally she left, stating that she would be going to a friends house to drop of some personal items. Regardless of the circumstances that had been occuring all day, I told her I loved her, and I got "Fuck you" for my trouble. At that point, pretty much all the stress IU had been bottling up that day came out, and I did something extremely stupid which involved getting drunk, getting online, bitching to a friend about this, and cutting both my wrists.

    -- Yes, I know this was stupid. I don't dispute that. --

    The friend in question apparently contacted my wife, and my wife subsequently called the MP's and had me hauled off to Behavioral Health to be evaluated. In my condition at the time I didn't protest, as I was in no mental condition to. 2 days later I was released from evaluation at the hospital and directed to remain on 3 days no contact with my spouse. After that time, I returned home and my spouse and I sat down to discuss the issue. She stated that she still wanted the divorce, and at that point I relented. Given that there had been no allegations of domestic violence at that point in time, we agreed to co-exist until she could find a plavce to stay. I informed her that regardless of teh current state of affairs and her intention to leave that she still had no right to sell our joint property and asked her for 50% of the proceeds from her sales, informing her that I would seek appropriate civil relief if she refused as I believe I was in my rights to do so.

    By this time I had about 2 days to pack for an upcoming field exercise. about 4 hours prior to leaving for the exercise, i again asked her to half of the money from her sales, informing her that if she continued to sell our personal property that i would file for a restraining order to have her removed from the home. She again refused. I then left to go to the field. About 5pm that evening I recieved a call from the local sheriffs department that a restraining order had been filed AGAINST ME. I was withdrawn from the field to answer the restraining order and returned to my residence with an escort from my chain of command as well as MPs to retrieve my essential personal items. This occured without incident.

    5 days later I returned from the field, and about 4 days after that I appeared in court to answer the restraining order. My wife was not present to answer the restraining order and the case was dropped. At that time I returned to my residence again with an escort from my unit and discovered that the entire house was empty. No furniture, no personal items, no nothing, save for trash in nearly every room as well as extensive damage to the window shades, walls, counter tops, etc. That was October.

    In November, I recieved a bank statement showing that I had a negative account balance of.....-$384.23 cents. I have since tried to have her name removed from the bank account but was informed that this could not be done without her signature, nor can the account be closed without both our signatures. As this is my active duty pay account I need to keep it open. I've set up a temporary account to recieve my pay, but somehow my ex is able to change my information in DFAS even though I've changed my password serveral times so I cannot redirect my pay to my alternate account.

    I also received a Verizon cell phone bill in the amount of 1128.84 cents. I tried to call Verizon to dispute the bill and was informed that they could not speak with me as I did not provide them the proper billing password and could I take any action on the account. I'm also recieving multiple bills from other agencies with similar outrageous charges. I have tried claiming identify theft, but most agencies have refused the claim stating that we are still legally married. She does not have power of attorney, however she does have my personal information.

    I'm at a total loss. What am I supposed to do here? If I try to file a restraining order, it simply looks like I'm trying to get back at her. I'm totally screwed. Can anyone provide me with workable options?
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Warfighter29 View Post
    Ok, first things first I would like to say that I am in unique situation and I kindly ask you to read thru the situation in it's entirety before responding. I am a 31 y/o Army service member going thru a rather nasty divorce. I would appreciate constructive options rather than negativity and bashing, since it invariably seems that it is always the soldiers "fault" with past experiences on this board. I am already going thru enough stress with the issues I am listing below and could use workable solutions. Here it goes.

    On September 22nd of this year, I was informed by my civilian wife that she wanted a divorce. This came completely out of the blue and needless to say floored me. After 2 years of engagement and 1 year of marriage this was the last thing I was expected. We had a long and drawn out argument then I left to go to work. We argued via text message for the majority of the day, and I was later informed by her that I would not be allowed to return to post housing. I informed her that until I received notification from my chain of command that I was not to return to post housing, that I would continue to reside at our residence and I suggested that we sit down and discuss the issue when I returned home. After some insistence, she agreed.

    I was shocked by what I discovered when I returned home. A small portion of our household items were sold. Needless to say, I FLIPPED. I informed her that if we were in fact getting a divorce that our household items could not be sold until there was a ruling by a court, because that was in fact a violation of the common property laws of our state of residence. She stated that she owned all of it, which was FALSE since it was in fact my money that paid for a majority of our household goods. I informed her that if she did not cease and desist immediately that I would file for a restraining order to have her removed from our home. Another long drawn out argument insued. Finally she left, stating that she would be going to a friends house to drop of some personal items. Regardless of the circumstances that had been occuring all day, I told her I loved her, and I got "Fuck you" for my trouble. At that point, pretty much all the stress IU had been bottling up that day came out, and I did something extremely stupid which involved getting drunk, getting online, bitching to a friend about this, and cutting both my wrists.

    -- Yes, I know this was stupid. I don't dispute that. --

    The friend in question apparently contacted my wife, and my wife subsequently called the MP's and had me hauled off to Behavioral Health to be evaluated. In my condition at the time I didn't protest, as I was in no mental condition to. 2 days later I was released from evaluation at the hospital and directed to remain on 3 days no contact with my spouse. After that time, I returned home and my spouse and I sat down to discuss the issue. She stated that she still wanted the divorce, and at that point I relented. Given that there had been no allegations of domestic violence at that point in time, we agreed to co-exist until she could find a plavce to stay. I informed her that regardless of teh current state of affairs and her intention to leave that she still had no right to sell our joint property and asked her for 50% of the proceeds from her sales, informing her that I would seek appropriate civil relief if she refused as I believe I was in my rights to do so.

    By this time I had about 2 days to pack for an upcoming field exercise. about 4 hours prior to leaving for the exercise, i again asked her to half of the money from her sales, informing her that if she continued to sell our personal property that i would file for a restraining order to have her removed from the home. She again refused. I then left to go to the field. About 5pm that evening I recieved a call from the local sheriffs department that a restraining order had been filed AGAINST ME. I was withdrawn from the field to answer the restraining order and returned to my residence with an escort from my chain of command as well as MPs to retrieve my essential personal items. This occured without incident.

    5 days later I returned from the field, and about 4 days after that I appeared in court to answer the restraining order. My wife was not present to answer the restraining order and the case was dropped. At that time I returned to my residence again with an escort from my unit and discovered that the entire house was empty. No furniture, no personal items, no nothing, save for trash in nearly every room as well as extensive damage to the window shades, walls, counter tops, etc. That was October.

    In November, I recieved a bank statement showing that I had a negative account balance of.....-$384.23 cents. I have since tried to have her name removed from the bank account but was informed that this could not be done without her signature, nor can the account be closed without both our signatures. As this is my active duty pay account I need to keep it open. I've set up a temporary account to recieve my pay, but somehow my ex is able to change my information in DFAS even though I've changed my password serveral times so I cannot redirect my pay to my alternate account.

    I also received a Verizon cell phone bill in the amount of 1128.84 cents. I tried to call Verizon to dispute the bill and was informed that they could not speak with me as I did not provide them the proper billing password and could I take any action on the account. I'm also recieving multiple bills from other agencies with similar outrageous charges. I have tried claiming identify theft, but most agencies have refused the claim stating that we are still legally married. She does not have power of attorney, however she does have my personal information.

    I'm at a total loss. What am I supposed to do here? If I try to file a restraining order, it simply looks like I'm trying to get back at her. I'm totally screwed. Can anyone provide me with workable options?
    Get a lawyer. NOW.
  3. The Decider
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    #3
    As Sally said, get an attorney. In the meantime, take your bills to JAG and see what advice they have for you.
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  4. Feelin' fly like a Cheesestick
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    #4
    Holy crap.

    Has divorce been FILED? If not, I would file for divorce immediately. Have you talked to the legal office on your base? You need to find out if there are temporary things you can do that would allow the court to order that she be responsible for those finances.

    I'm not sure how she keeps getting into your DFAS when you've changed the password. I would go to the finance office on base too and talk to them to see what you can do to get things changed.

    You definitely need to get a divorce rolling ASAP though. I think the legal office on base is your best bet for finding out what your rights are and what you can do to protect yourself legally and financially. If she has already used the legal office and they can't see you (conflict of interest) try to get in to the next nearest base. I know my ex had used the legal office at the base where we were stationed, but there was an Army base about 45 minutes/1 hour away that I was able to go to.

    Good luck to you, I'm sorry to hear about what's going on. Yikes.
    Beth, Mama to Emmalee (12), Evan (9), and Ella (4 on May 7) (I really REALLY need to update my picture!)
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    BethM

    I can't file for divorce until October of 2011 as NC LAw requires 1 year of seperation.
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    #6
    JAG has said they they are just that, MY BILLS, until there is a legal divorce filing. Which basicly means that there is nothing I can do for the next year.

    O also can't using the Legal Assistance office on post because she went to them about spousal support.
  7. Do or do not... There is no try.~ Yoda, Jedi Master
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    #7
    I would suggest going to a Verizon store and speak to someone there directly about your bill and to get the password reset once you can establish who you are.

    Get a lawyer immediately.

    Keep all of the paperwork/bills/etc that you can, then hand them to your attorney... maybe you can have restitution as part of the divorce. But keep a paper trail.

    Good luck.
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  8. The Decider
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Warfighter29 View Post
    JAG has said they they are just that, MY BILLS, until there is a legal divorce filing. Which basicly means that there is nothing I can do for the next year.

    O also can't using the Legal Assistance office on post because she went to them about spousal support.
    I'm guessing you're at Ft. Bragg? Go to Pope and seek help from their Legal office.

    Has legal separation been filed? I really don't know much about the divorce process but a quick google tells me that the same issues are addressed as during a divorce (debts, etc.) and I would imagine that if she were in violation of a court order, it would be much easier to take action now.
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  9. "She who waits also serves"
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    I would put a hold on your bank account and at least set up a new direct deposit for your paychecks so she cannot get to them. Create a new phone account and cancel the old one. Do your best to put out the fires right now so they cannot spread. I would also consult an Attorney in this matter.
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  10. I <3 my Sergeant
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    Wow my mouth just kept dropping further and further.

    I wish I had some advice but I just wanted to tell you I am very sorry and I hope this all gets worked out. There has to be some way to get her off all your accounts.

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