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Thread: how to deal..

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    #1

    how to deal..

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    DB and i are broken up but i dont really know how to act like we are. i mean i know we have our problems but i really wish we could work on things. thats kinda hard with him half way around the world.
    i am still going to be there homecoming. and still staying with him...
    idk i just dont know how to be there for him without being his. how do you ladies do it??
  2. The Decider
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    #2
    You're staying with him, but you're not together right now? Are you just taking a break? Have you outlined all the 'rules,' etc.?

    IMO, I would contact him as little as possible. Let him know you're there for him if he needs you, but if you're not wanting to act like you're "his," it's going to take quite a while for your heart to take that step back, and it can't happen if you're in close contact.
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  3. If it should, it will come around again.
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    #3
    Just wait until he contacts you...and lets you know what HE feels comfortable with. I wrote exDB a letter stating this, and basically its up to him on if he wants me to cont. to write him or send him CP while hes depolyed....I'd give it time!!

    Other than that, all I have are and I'll stalking this thread for good advice! PM me anytime!!
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleRed View Post
    You're staying with him, but you're not together right now? Are you just taking a break? Have you outlined all the 'rules,' etc.?

    IMO, I would contact him as little as possible. Let him know you're there for him if he needs you, but if you're not wanting to act like you're "his," it's going to take quite a while for your heart to take that step back, and it can't happen if you're in close contact.
    yea we decided last night it wasnt a "break up" jus a break
    which will allow him to be "more open" i really dont understand him somedays. lol and then also for me to get past my issues with his past and for him to prove to me that he is willing to stand behind me in school and what not.
    i have cut off all skype calls and we are down to a few emails a day and maybe a five min phone call every few days...
    this sucks.
  5. You are here.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleRed View Post
    You're staying with him, but you're not together right now? Are you just taking a break? Have you outlined all the 'rules,' etc.?

    IMO, I would contact him as little as possible. Let him know you're there for him if he needs you, but if you're not wanting to act like you're "his," it's going to take quite a while for your heart to take that step back, and it can't happen if you're in close contact.
    Ditto....are you sure he wants you at his homecoming? If he doesn't, you might want to respect his wishes since it is his homecoming. As for "staying with him", if you are broken up, then how in the world are you still "with him" if he's not with you? Sounds like you could be waiting on him to come and figure out what he wants, but if you are broken up, maybe he's telling you that and you are filling in what you want to hear.
  6. Dancing Backwards in High Heels
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    #6
    Oh Cami!

    You are much stronger than I am hun. I tried to see exDB once. Just once. Couldn't handle it, so even though at one time we were good friends, I just let it go b/c I couldn't go back to being just his friend. Plus...there was that whole he thought he could get a little each time he came home with me...NOT gonna happen.

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    #7
    I would send him an email telling him you are here to support him since he is deployed but that is about it. I wouldn't contact him unless he contacted me first.

    And I would ask him if he still wanted you at his homecoming. *I* for sure wouldn't go unless he specifically said he still wanted me there and even then I wouldn't stay with him. You have to set up some boundaries and keep them there.
  8. Account Closed
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by MUWgirl View Post
    I would send him an email telling him you are here to support him since he is deployed but that is about it. I wouldn't contact him unless he contacted me first.

    And I would ask him if he still wanted you at his homecoming. *I* for sure wouldn't go unless he specifically said he still wanted me there and even then I wouldn't stay with him. You have to set up some boundaries and keep them there.

    If he is the one that asked for the break give him time. I remember when I was on a break with my ex it lasted for 3 weeks but during those 3 weeks I wouldn't leave him alone and that's probably what made us break up.
  9. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #9
    I agree with waiting on the contact. And while you two are apart maybe you can both think about what you want from the other person, what you need for the relationship to work, what you intend to do to make it work, etc.

    I know it seems like really little contact but I think for a couple on a break you guys do talk a lot. Think about the purpose of the break ... make sure this is not just the death throes of a doomed relationship. Consider how to implement the change you both need.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Tojai View Post
    I agree with waiting on the contact. And while you two are apart maybe you can both think about what you want from the other person, what you need for the relationship to work, what you intend to do to make it work, etc.

    I know it seems like really little contact but I think for a couple on a break you guys do talk a lot. Think about the purpose of the break ... make sure this is not just the death throes of a doomed relationship. Consider how to implement the change you both need.
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