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Thread: Friends or not? All in one (sorry so long) HELP

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    #1

    Confused Friends or not? All in one (sorry so long) HELP

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    So last night was the last of it with DB & I. It was me the one who lost that feeling, I was just so confused. I didn't see the same person I feel in love with anymore.

    It was a though break up. We were on and off about this for about 3 months. His attitude change from time to time. When we were apart he would complain about all of my guy friends. Come to the point where he would say "So you are F****** him now?" && deep in my heart that hurt and crushed me that he would say something like that. I'm not that kind of girl what so ever. Ever since I started dating him my best friend and I got distant and talked less. He didnt like her cause she didnt like him. Her reason not to like him was because he will get mad and give me a time when to get home when I would go out with her. Big no no in her book. He would always say mean things like "I bet you like guys coming up to you and be all over you" " So how many numbers did you get today?" stupid things like that.

    I mentioned before on how he was forcing me to stay engaged and marry him. It drove me to the point where I didnt know what to do and how to feel. I felt emotionally abused at a point. He even threatend me at a point saying that if I dont go back with him he will show my brother pics. (yes I know I was stupid to even send him pics). && how sick is that. Thats when my exdb(db didnt like him AT ALL) text and asked if I was ok because none of our friends had heard from me. I had no choice but to vent to him. He listened and I thank him for being there for me. DB found out that he had txt me and wen insane!

    He felt betrayed & I understand. but its not likeI cheated on him or was even thinking about it. I had told db that I would not talk to ex db for us. he gave me a chance and I did well but he kep throwing my mistake to my face. I could only take it so much. I broke up with him and had enough. He came down for his 4 day weeknd and just broke down. When Im with him in person id very diff. he is sweet caring and just diff. took him back. The day he left that same night we got in to an arguement again and I told him that he needed to stop.

    Next day we were at it again. && it was over ex db. (again). I was just getting . Because I know that Im right that I wasnt doing anything bad. Well to the point. We broke up and it was not a clean break up. He called me names and said that it was my loss. That he would make my life miserable. That he couldnt wait for me to cry back to him. It was just so much that I was soo that I cried. My brother of 16 years old called and respectfully told him to leave me alone. and he didnt. He called me 40 times!!! in a row. It was just insane.

    Im just like shocked didnt know that this was the person I loved ,the person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.
    I feel so much anger and sadness in me that it breaks me down. When I talk to my co worker about it I do nothing but cry.

    even tho he said all of that to me I feel bad and feel like im hurting him.
    Should I try to be friends with him?

    Should I feel bad for this?
    I hate hurting him but... I guess it was just the right thing.......
    Life is like photography,
    We develop from negatives.
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    #2
    Be very glad you got out of that situation when you did girl. He sounds like a control freak. He doesn't want you to have any contact with any of your friends, family, etc. Then he calls you names and beats you emotionally. Why on earth would you stay in such a relationship?! I mean, hell, G and I broke up but he treated me with respect. Any man treats me the way yours treated you would be in the hospital having his balls reattached. (sorry if that's TMI) Leave him in the past. Do not contact him no matter how much he says he's changed. If he won't leave you alone, call the cops.

    DH: Thank you. ME: For what, babe? DH: For being you.




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    Quote Originally Posted by StormyGoddess View Post
    Be very glad you got out of that situation when you did girl. He sounds like a control freak. He doesn't want you to have any contact with any of your friends, family, etc. Then he calls you names and beats you emotionally. Why on earth would you stay in such a relationship?! I mean, hell, G and I broke up but he treated me with respect. Any man treats me the way yours treated you would be in the hospital having his balls reattached. (sorry if that's TMI) Leave him in the past. Do not contact him no matter how much he says he's changed. If he won't leave you alone, call the cops.
    I gues because I thought I was wrong for contacting ex db. He kept saying he was going to change and he was changing but fall right back to the old ways. Basically like relapse.
    Life is like photography,
    We develop from negatives.
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    I agree with Stormy. Leave all of this in past. I don't understand how he was "forcing you" to remain engaged to him, or how you did anything wrong by contacting ex-db.

    Just move forward and learn from the situation.

    Life has more to offer you and so does love.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by StormyGoddess View Post
    Be very glad you got out of that situation when you did girl. He sounds like a control freak. He doesn't want you to have any contact with any of your friends, family, etc. Then he calls you names and beats you emotionally. Why on earth would you stay in such a relationship?! I mean, hell, G and I broke up but he treated me with respect. Any man treats me the way yours treated you would be in the hospital having his balls reattached. (sorry if that's TMI) Leave him in the past. Do not contact him no matter how much he says he's changed. If he won't leave you alone, call the cops.


    Honey, move on... he's not worth your time or effort

    Finally together in Okinawa and ready to start some new adventures together!
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    Quote Originally Posted by QB77 View Post
    I agree with Stormy. Leave all of this in past. I don't understand how he was "forcing you" to remain engaged to him, or how you did anything wrong by contacting ex-db.

    Just move forward and learn from the situation.

    Life has more to offer you and so does love.
    Forcing me like " engagement or nothing" & at that time I loved him but I just felt that we were not ready for that big step.

    I will and trying so hard to not feel sorry and end talking to him again.

    thanks for the advice
    Life is like photography,
    We develop from negatives.
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    It looks like you dodged a bullet! I know it's very hard right now for you though. Having worked with victims of domestic violence I have heard many, many stories of men who started out just like him - controlling and cutting off their SO's from friends and family. Years later and after marriage when it's harder for them to control their SO they turn to violence. I'm certainly not saying that is true of all control freaks, but it certainly has made me very suspicious of this personality type. Stay away and find a guy that trusts you and makes you feel loved! You deserve much better. :smile
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by StormyGoddess View Post
    Be very glad you got out of that situation when you did girl. He sounds like a control freak. He doesn't want you to have any contact with any of your friends, family, etc. Then he calls you names and beats you emotionally. Why on earth would you stay in such a relationship?! I mean, hell, G and I broke up but he treated me with respect. Any man treats me the way yours treated you would be in the hospital having his balls reattached. (sorry if that's TMI) Leave him in the past. Do not contact him no matter how much he says he's changed. If he won't leave you alone, call the cops.
    i agree. you are much better off. he didnt respect you as a person whatsoever, much less as a girlfriend. I've been there girl, and it resulted in him hitting me. Take care of yourself... and with time a guy that respects you and knows your self worth will treat you much better. Dont regret leaving him... thank yourself instead.
    ~Dennise
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    Sorry about this
    I know your hurt, but it's seriously for the best, he sounds really controlling and he was treating you like crap. There is someone out there that will treat you like a queen, not a doormat. I hope you feel better, I got some chocolate mint ice cream if you want to share
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by steff09 View Post
    Forcing me like " engagement or nothing" & at that time I loved him but I just felt that we were not ready for that big step.

    I will and trying so hard to not feel sorry and end talking to him again.

    thanks for the advice
    Ok I understand. By behaving like this he has shown what love is NOT. Please don't befriend him because the cycle will continue, and it won't be a true friendship.
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